How about a remake of Episode 4
Han Solo
"Like a Virgin" is all about a
girl who digs a guy with a big
dick. The whole song is a
metaphor for big dicks.
Luke
No it's not. It's about a girl
who is very vulnerable and she's
been fucked over a few times.
Then she meets some guy who's
really sensitive--
Han Solo
--Whoa...whoa...time out Greenbay.
Tell that bullshit to the
tourists.
Obi Wan
(looking through his
datalog)
Yoda...who the fuck is Yoda?
Yoda...Yoda...think...think...
think...
Han Solo
It's not about a nice girl who
meets a sensitive boy. Now
granted that's what "True Blue" is
about, no argument about that.
Chewbaca
Arrrgh (SUBTITLE: Which one is "True Blue?)
C3-PO
You don't remember "True Blue?"
That was a big ass hit for
Madonna. Shit, I don't even
follow this Tops In Pops shit, and
I've at least heard of "True
Blue."
Chewbacca
ARRRGH! ARGH! GURGGLE!
(SUBTITLE: "Look, asshole, I didn't say I
ain't heard of it. All I asked
was how does it go? Excuse me
for not being the world's biggest
Madonna fan.)
GREDO
I hate Madonna.
(Han Solo blasts Gredo under the table)
Luke
I like her early stuff. You know,
"Lucky Star," "Borderline" - but
once she got into her "Papa Don't
Preach" phase, I don't know, I
tuned out.
Han Solo
Hey, fuck all that, I'm
making a point here. You're gonna
make me lose my train
of thought.
Obi Wan
Oh fuck, Yoda's that little green
dwarf.
Luke
What's that?
Obi Wan
I found this old datalog in a
robe I ain't worn in a bantha's
age. Yoda what? What the fuck
was his last name?
Han Solo
Where was I?
C3-PO
You said "True Blue" was about a
nice girl who finds a sensitive
fella. But "Like a Virgin" was a
metaphor for big dicks.
Han Solo
Let me tell ya what "Like a
Virgin"'s about. It's about some
twilek who's a regular fuck
machine.
I mean all the time, morning, day,
night, afternoon, dick, dick,
dick, dick, dick,
dick, dick, dick, dick, dick,
dick.
Chewbaca
Arr? arr?
(SUBTITLE: How many dicks was that?)
R2D2
Wooo...
(SUBTITLE: A lot.)
Han Solo
Then one day she meets a Mace Windu
motherfucker, and it's
like, whoa baby. This mother
fucker's like Charles Bronson in
"The Great Escape." He's diggin
tunnels. Now she's gettin this
serious dick action, she's feelin
something she ain't felt since
forever. Pain.
Obi Wan
Chew? Yoda Chew? No.
Han Solo
It hurts. It hurts her. It
shouldn't hurt. Her pussy should
be Bubble-Yum by now. But when
this cat fucks her, it hurts. It
hurts like the first time. The
pain is reminding a fuck machine
what is was like to be a virgin.
Hence, "Like a Virgin."