I just found out a couple of hours ago that a real good friend passed away Wednesday afternoon. I was at his house at 1:30, and he was experiencing some major back pain. I really tried to stress to him that he should get it checked out. I had one of those odd feelings that it was more serious than just a bum back. I don't know why, I just did, and yet I didn't want to alarm him, I just wanted him to get it checked. My last words besides "Stay cool." were "Go see Dr. Downs, and at least get it checked out. He'll have you back in the game in no time."

Anyway, he kept asking me to stay for a soda, but I had work I needed to get done, so I had to leave. His wife was out playing golf at the time, so he was there alone after I left.

She called me tonight to tell me had passed away. She said it happened Wednesday afternoon. I said "What time? I was there with him at 1:30 on Wednesday!" She said she got home from golf at about 2:30 and found him on the floor. She ran next door to her neighbor who is a state trooper, and he came over, but it was already too late. He was gone.

I'm sitting here now thinking that if I just stayed and had that soda, he might be alive. I might have been there when whatever happened happened. I guess they still don't know the exact cause of death yet. I suspect it was a heart attack.

Why the fuck didn't I just have that soda? This sucks. They were married for 40 some odd years. He was one of the most wonderful people I have ever met. So is she. This is just too sad. They had just moved into their dream home that they just finished building about a week ago.

I can see that I'll be tossing and turning tonight. I really believe that if I stayed, he'd still be with us.

Don't let it take your life too. If GOD wanted him, He was going to take him with or without you there. At least you got to spend some time with him & maybe even made him comfortable before he passed.

Sorry to here about your loss.

critter_FR,

First my condolences on your loss.  Good people are rare in this world and it is always a sad day when we lose one.  Do not beat yourself up over this.  There will always be a what if.  Asking those questions don't usually accomplish much more that making yourself miserable.  Think about the things that made you like this person and keep as positive of an attitude as possible.  Take care.

Aggie1

Sorry for your loss.  A good friends are hard to come by in this age.  

You can't blame yourself for not staying.  You didn't know and you did nothing wrong.  

Best regards.

When God calls your number there is nothing anyone can do about it.

A friend of mine wanted me to go swiming with him one day after school and I declined.  Later that day he had a major gun accident and for the most part blew his face off.  He has no nose, he can't see out of one eye and all his teeth are gone.  He has had 5 years of surgery and gone through complete hell.  All because I was too lazy to swim one day.  I blame myself but there was no way to know.  It is not your fault.  

Thanks guys. I know I'm just beating myself up for what woulda coulda shoulda been. I think it's pretty natural. If I'm still doing it next week, I'll begin to get worried. [:)]

It's just so damned sad. We never did get to shoot his Winchester lever gun. We'd been talking about getting it down to the range for like a year. He owned it for 30 years, never shot it.

He was a good egg. He was one of us. A gun owning, Clinton hating, Constitution loving old Italian patriot. I'm gonna miss him.

Amen!  And rest assured that the good Lord watches over him, as he, like all American patriots, was called to a better place.

I am sorry for your loss, and may you find more time for pleasant memories of him than guilt about that which you could do nothing to prevent.

Peace be with him

Urban

Critter - don't beat your self up over this.

Remember the good times with your friend

[:)]

he was married 40 years right? so just how old was he?if he was 70 years old,i mean come on thats not a bad run!

I know what you are feeling.  My uncle passed away on monday after fighting cancer for the past 7 years.  We knew he was in pretty bad shape and we were going to go up and see him, my aunt, and all my cousins and have a big day of shooting and food.  My cousin told me they were already getting it in the planning stages and that my uncle was getting really excited about it.  He loved to shoot, hunt, fish, camp, and go home and see Jack.  Too bad we never got to have that shoot.  

critter -

Sorry for your loss.

God's ways are perfect, and that INCLUDES you NOT staying for a soda, as well as his passing.

If you HAD stayed for a soda, you MIGHT have been killed in a car accident on the way home, in stead of arriving safely as you did.

Point is, we CANNOT live our lives under teh "What if" scenario. You did NOTHING wrong. It brings immense peace to know that God is in control.

Critter- My guess from the symptoms you described would be that your friend had a dissecting aortic aneurysm and while I know you wish you could have been there at the end, you wouldn't have been able to save him. If in fact it turns out my guess is right, even if he had been in an E.R. he probably wouldn't have made it. So don't beat yourself up over it, just remember the good times you shared, and enjoy life and the friendships you have left.

Even though I know in my heart that nothing happens in God's world by mistake, it's hard not to think that if only I had done this, or done that...

You're right though, great peace can come from accepting that He knows what he's doing. Thanks friend!

Or, thinking if I HADN'T done this or that, as I was yesterday!!!!!!!   [:I]



Peace.

He was in superb condition for being 68. In fact, I always had a hard time believing that both he and his wife were old enough to be my parents. They both could pass for late forties, early fifties. I thought his run was just begining. [:)]

My condolences.

Happened to me almost 1 year ago.  Young guy with a family history of heart problems.

I'm certainly not sure, but the age , the thirst and "back pain" complaint are all consistent with patient's I've had experiencing dissecting abdominal aortas...

If this was the case, there was nothing you could have done for him... I have seen patients with this condition make it to the hospital, only to die on the operating table.

It's only natural for you to feel there was something you might have done...there wasn't. You were apparently a good friend and one of the last people to have shared life with your buddy... you should feel good to have known him, dwell on the happy times...

Life is fleeting, we are all gonna die, it's what we do while alive that is important.

I am not sure you have could have helped him.  Happen to me too.  My dad experience cardiac problems at home on 12/24/2000.  I rushed my dad to the emergency room of The Hospital of the Good Samaritan in Los Angeles, which is a pretty good hospital for cardiac care.  His cardiologist has an office in the next building.  My dad died 30 days later in the critical cardiac unit.

My condolences.  Life is always too short.  My advice in life, live life to the fullest every day, you will never know what will happen next.

Well said garandman.

Critter, he's watching over you now and in time, he'll show you that he's in a much better place.

My condolences to you too. I've been there also. My dad passed away in January too. On the 16th, in Good Samaritan Hospital, on Long Island, NY, Jan 16th.

It's been a rough year so far. I hope the secong half goes a bit smoother. [:)]

Don't sweat it critter, it was just his time. A couple years ago I lost one of friends, he dropped dead in the shower, only 33 years old. Brain anerism. At least it was quick, the way I would want to go.

I JUST went through a similar situation.

You have to ask yourself,

If you didn't have the soda, and nothing happened, would I still be kicking yourself?

There are plenty of variables and minute decisions we make with no second thought that 999,999 times out of a 1,000,000 add up to nothing. Don't beat yourself up over this. You could have been there when it happened and he still most likely would have died.

Don't let it eat you. Your a good person and didn't know what God has in store for him.

It was good that you friend didn't suffer too much.  My sister's father-in-law had prostate cancer, he went thru all of the chemo etc, he just kind of whithered away to skin and bones before he died.

Very sorry to read your post, Hope you can sleep better, our thoughts are with you.

I just got back from spending the day with my friend's wife. Man, that was tough. She's a wreck. The funeral service is tomorrow morning.

Thank you all for all your kind words. They are appreciated.

I've only been in this great world for 27 years but one this I've learned in that time is when your number is up, it's up.  another thing I've found to be true is everything happens for a reason.  No matter how messed up something is it happen for a reason.  Look man, you can sit and question what you "could" have done.  It's true, you might have been able to save his life.  Or you might have stayed for another soda left after drinking it and your friend still passed away and you killed in a car wreck on the way home.