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Posted: 3/13/2005 2:54:47 PM EDT
My daughter is going to college.
16 years ago we took out a loan to start a college fund for her. In Michigan they had a program where you could pay for tuition at the going rate and take it when your child reached college age. We paid $7200 for four years of tuition and now we are collecting. We quadrupled our money. She was an honors student in high school, took Advanced Placement Chemistry, Physics and Biology. She earned all academic for her four years in high school. Here ends the good news. I told her all along do what you like, what makes you happy. My daughter is pursuing a degree in fashion design.  When she told me she wanted to go into fashion design I literally bit a hole in my tongue keeping my mouth shut. She came home this weekend and I couldn’t keep it in any more. I started by asking how school was going and how her grades were. I then asked if she thought about what her career held, future wise. I then started asking if she had thought much what she would do after college and she asked me what was my problem. ….So I told her. I told her that I thought it was a big waist of her talent and my dollars to go into fashion design. I said, “My God Emily! You could find a cure for cancer, become this country’s first woman President, make more money and earn more prestige than I had ever hoped for, not to mention support me in a manner that I would like to become accustom to, AND YOU TAKE UP FUCKING FASHION DESIGN!” “JESUS CHRIST, DON’T YOU THINK THAT’S A WASTE, NOT JUST FOR YOU BUT FOR THE WHOLE WORLD?!” She started crying, I started going blind, my wife started looking for a divorce lawyer. FUCK! What do I do now. |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 2:56:59 PM EDT
[#1]
damn and i thought i sucked at handling woman
 Teen girls do very dumb things 99 percent of the time and are unstable your not dealing with a son here, use differnet methods.you better patch things up fast!! |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 2:58:31 PM EDT
[#2]
I hate to say it..but you already said your piece....they now know how you feel...now you need to suck it up and tell her that you are sorry....and that you are just happy to have raised a great daughter that is going to college....and leave it at that.
Thats what I would do...but I'm whipped... Good luck! |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:01:31 PM EDT
[#3]
Let her do what she wants to do. Easy enough. It's her college fund afterall.
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:03:53 PM EDT
[#4]
She has a talent and an interest in fashion design. You basically have just told her that her talents and interests are worthless in yiur eyes. Not good.
Tell her you're sorry, and love her and encourage her. |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:04:18 PM EDT
[#5]
She's alive, healthy, and bright. Be thankful for what she is, rather than what she isn't (or what you want her to be).
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:05:38 PM EDT
[#6]
You have to remember, it's not just about her, it's about your feelings too.
If she or the wife give you shit tell them that. Now she knows what you think, so you won't have to bottle up how you feel and hide it and worry and simmer. You are clear now. |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:05:51 PM EDT
[#7]
Tell her you're only paying for her to take Gen. Ed. requirements and classes that actually might be worthwhile in a few years.
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:06:46 PM EDT
[#8]
can you really expect your kids to do everything you want, damn i did so much stupid chit.
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:09:51 PM EDT
[#9]
You God Damn right I can! As long as I'm paying for their food and clothes. At least they can listen to me if I'm paying for it. |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:10:08 PM EDT
[#10]
Someone has to design next years MarPat dont they? Some of the weathiest people are into fashion. It may lead her into a career like interior decorating or somthing, where there are possibilities of makeing huge amounts of money and being succesfull.
Id say give her a chance. My girlfriend has changed her major sooo many times thats its made me sick, from nursing, to information Technology, and now finally shes decided to be a radiologist and is pursuing it. Let her do what makes her happy. My parents FORCED me into college right out of high school. I was soo pissed that they had my future planned that i failed on purpose. Its been 12 years now and im planning on doing somthing i want to do. Ill have to pay for my school myself but at least im happy. |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:11:18 PM EDT
[#11]
she's not an asian girl, is she?
http://ar15.com/forums/topic.html?b=1&f=5&t=332957 |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:14:06 PM EDT
[#12]
Hey man, this is where it should have ended; possibly along with encouraging her to investigate different jobs/careers while she was growing up. This apparently is the first time you have ever actually discussed this together - as an old fart I wonder what has happened to cmmunicating with your children. She may actually change her mind after checking it out further. Or maybe not now that she has been berated. Did you pick your screen name, or did your family? I'm not being a smartass. I'm just wondering why you kept this in for so long then went off halfcocked? NMSight |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:14:15 PM EDT
[#13]
LOL no wonder she is doing the stuff she is. Like i said before you know less about woman than i do.
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:15:33 PM EDT
[#14]
 What do you do now? Think about the Corvette you should be driving now with the money that worthless degree will cost. My friends that majored in bullshit all have bullshit jobs...even four years after the fact. |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:18:17 PM EDT
[#15]
I've got a son that will start in two years. We haven't done much for him. I have talked him into going to the M-TEC center and start flying lessons. He is not as sharp as his sister but he's taking biology, physiology and evironmental science. He wants to be a Medic in the Army. I don't think he's bright enough to become a doctor (unlike his sister) but he wants to join the Army. I'm just hoping that he becomes too valuable to put up on the front with a weapon in his hands, maybe a male nurse or Physician's Assistant.
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:18:49 PM EDT
[#16]
Just be thankful you live in Michigan and you didn't just pay $30,000 for a degree in fashion design.
edited to add: 'waste' is spelled 'waste' |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:19:21 PM EDT
[#17]
She might very well change her mind soon enough. SO many people enter college with one idea, only to changed it several times.
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:22:49 PM EDT
[#18]
I would let her do what she wanted to do. People that young, could possibly change their mind in the future. Nothing is cast in concrete, especially at such a tender age.
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:23:28 PM EDT
[#19]
VERY true. |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:24:05 PM EDT
[#20]
The amount I'm contributing to her college education IS cast in FUCKING CONCRETE. |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:24:31 PM EDT
[#21]
Good job for paying for her college at least. That said, what she studies in college and decides to do with the rest of her life are her choices, whether you think it's stupid or not.
I would've maybe said "Fashion Design, that's a waste of your talent." "But, I bet you'll be the best damn fashion designer this side of Armani!" |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:30:35 PM EDT
[#22]
you can either stay mad and live with what you said, or you can suck it up and let your pride take a hit and apologize and let her know that you'll support her decision, we know that your disapointed with what career path she chose, but if kids didn't disapoint their parents every now and then there'd be something wrong with them, even though we try to instill our beliefs, ideas and hopes in life on our children, we can never expect them to embrace all of them, because at some point they begain to live their own lives and our influence decreases.
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:30:59 PM EDT
[#23]
In another year your daughter wil probably have a half a dozen other careers planned out.
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:31:05 PM EDT
[#24]
Just because you are paying for the education of your daughter doesn't mean that you have the right to decide what her life is going to be when she gets out. I think it's great that you made the decision to pay for your daughters college, however that still doesn't give you the right to control what she majors in, or even think that it does.
Be happy that she is in college at least attempting to make something of herself, and not drugged out on the street. And just let me add, I'm glad I'm not one of your children. My parents support whatever decision I made, and never went off at me when I made something they considered a bad one. It's called life. You're living yours, let her live hers. |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:32:25 PM EDT
[#25]
Fashion Industry? Are you kidding me? she has all of that knowledge and she wants to desgin cloths!
Thats the trouble. So many have the dreams but not the knowledge but too many have the knowledge but not a fuckin clue. No wonder this world is headed for hell in a handbasket. |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:35:52 PM EDT
[#26]
I don't want to offend you but it's YOUR DAUGHTERS LIFE AND SHE HAS TO LIVE IT FOR HER NOT YOU! |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:36:19 PM EDT
[#27]
Halfcocked, now we know the meaning of your name. Fashion design is interesting for a career, my sister did it and get her foot in the door and met a movie producer and got married. Never really used her degree.
Now several problems, the good schools are in NYC or LA. NONE in Michigan. So the money you have in the account should be ok. Second, the entry level jobs for fashion design pay shit. Youll be supporting her for a LONG LONG time. Unless she can do what my sister did. Look on the bright side. It could have been your SON that wanted to be a fashion designer! |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:38:00 PM EDT
[#28]
"Do what you love, the money will follow."
If she has talent for fashion, why not? It can be as lucrative as any other career. Lots of people out ther are in jobs they hate. I did 20+ years in corporate security, business defense, continuity/contingency planning and loss prevention. At the end, I had had enough. I'm looking for a second career that will provide more inner peace. Say you're sorry. And then tell her you want her to apply to, as one of the other posters mention, one of the best schools in NYC or LA. |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:39:08 PM EDT
[#29]
So if you wanted to try crack your parents suported you? If you wanted to play with matches your parents suported you? If you wanted to walk on the edge of tall buildings when you were five your parents let you? As a parent I figure I have a duty to let my DEPENDANTS know... A). ...when they are about to fuck up. B). ...when I think they are about to fuck up. ... C). Stop them when I see a major fucking travisty about to happen due to their fuck ups! |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:39:20 PM EDT
[#30]
Read what you posted just now and tell me what you would say if some other selfish prick said that, OK Just because you are paying doesn't mean that you can dictate to her what she wants to do for the rest of her life. |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:40:55 PM EDT
[#31]
Ugh...you must be feeling what my father felt, first when I dropped out (in pursuit of money in the IT industry) and again what he felt when my brother graduated Magna Cum Laude...with a degree in Philosophy.
We all make our choices. If the money cannot be spent any other way (or retrieved), let her continue on with school in any way she sees fit. Education is education, be it in things we want to learn...or things we need to learn, even if it's the hard way. She could always change her mind later, remember; she's still a kid  |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:41:17 PM EDT
[#32]
You fugged up.....you let her major in that....ITS TOO FUCKING LATE NOW DUMBASS!!!
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:41:38 PM EDT
[#33]
Jesus H Christ! I had a great Dad, thank God he was nothing like you. |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:45:46 PM EDT
[#34]
Here in Los Angeles, in the L.A. Community College District, L.A. Trade Tech has a tremendous fashion design program. I understand a few of its former students are now semi-famous designers.
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:45:47 PM EDT
[#35]
For all you dicks that think I'm a Selfish prick I paid my own way through college.
I enlisted when I was 18 and took advantage of the GI Bill. I was the first Rollenhagen from my Great Grandfathers on to graduate with a college degree...and I did it on my own. And yes, like I said before, IF I'M PAYING FOR IT I THINK I SHOULD AT LEAST HAVE A FUCKING SAY IN HOW MY HARD EARNED MONEY IS BEING WASTED! |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:47:29 PM EDT
[#36]
You have no idea what a PA can make do you? And you know, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a career in the military. Some of the finest people I know are retired mil. Sorry bud, but the way you talk about your kids tells me you're the problem.
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:48:10 PM EDT
[#37]
I asked her to to talk to a career counselor and find out what the placement percentage is for people graduating with that degree is and what the average starting salary is.
We will see. |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:49:42 PM EDT
[#38]
First of all, my parents did one hell of a job in raising me, which prompted me to never try drugs. So I can't tell you one way or the other if they would have let me. If I were over 18, then it is out of their hands isn't it?
Second, what kind of arguement is, "playing with matches". Yea, I played with matches when I was a kid. Did I burn anything down? No. When I was small enough to do such, I was under the supervision of my parents. I was raised with a little bit of common sense. Third, is your daughter currently five years old? No. Would you let your daughter walk on a tall building when she was five? I'd hope not. I hope that would be the answer from everyone here. That was quite an irrelevant arguement. And yes, I believe you do have the right to let them know. Do I believe you have to act like an ass about it and make them cry? No. There are civilized ways in which you can go about and saying "I think this might be a mistake, have you looked into other career paths?". If it is something your daughter is going to do, then she is going to do it. Telling her not to is only going to make her want to do it that much more. After they are 18, you can't "stop" them from doing what they want. Your parental control is gone. You can suggest, but you can't force them to do anything. Come on, open up your eyes and see how you are acting. It is now her life. You guided her when she was 'growing up' and now that she is old enough to make her OWN decisions for her OWN life, let her. |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:51:35 PM EDT
[#39]
Halfcocked,
I feel your pain, I too have a daughter who is taking the easy route, when I think of the wasted potential she has and what she could accomplish I go blind with anger too. But what can we really do?? Short of kicking her out to let her learn what she wasting what can we do?? She is my only child and I would never do that but the frustration is overwhelming sometimes. I try to reason with her, and explain the gift she has but it falls on deaf ears. What I could have done had I had her intellect and family support!!! Like they say, "Youth is wasted on the young"........ 
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:52:45 PM EDT
[#40]
Yes Sir. We remember you said it before. You also said this:
If you had put the disclaimer in when you should have, there wouldn't be unhappy people in your home now. I went to college later in life and payed my way too. Doing that didn't give me a license to berate my family. It's not too late to start actually communicating with them now. |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 3:58:00 PM EDT
[#41]
I've got a good friend. She is hotter than hell. A straight up 11 on a 1-10 scale. Her bro and sis were both smarter than she was. She overcame that by working about 3 times as hard as they did. She's now a partner at a law firm, he's a sales manager for kraft. The other sister became a junkie with a masters in computer science. She lost everything because of drugs, and she was the smartest of the three. What I'm saying it it's not necessarily the smartest who suceeds, it's the one willing to know who they are and work for what they want to be. Hard work can overcome damn near any lack of intelligence. Don't sell your son short, help him work harder and smarter. Teach him to NEVER give up, never settle for good enough. TXL |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 4:00:31 PM EDT
[#42]
You don't know my son OR my daughter do you? ...and you can make conclusions like that... ...and I have a problem? No two people are the same, even if they're born from the same loin. I have high hopes for my son an if, IF, he becomes self suficient and happy I will be pleased, even happy. My daughter is not just smart. She helps others understand. I'm an engineer and started to help her in her AP Physics. She started correcting me on Newtons Laws. I figured I had just forgot stuff over the years. She has stuff intuitively. My son is a struggle. He likes to ride dirt bikes, shoot guns and lie about his home work being done. I like to ride dirt bikes, shoot guns and lie about his home work being done too. |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 4:04:33 PM EDT
[#43]
Can you claim you were drunk?
You really went off Halfcocked. |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 4:04:46 PM EDT
[#44]
Why would you expect to be supported by your daughter? |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 4:06:10 PM EDT
[#45]
Just a joke. Hell I suported them the first 21 years of their lives: would it be too much to ask them to support me the last 21 of mine? |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 4:07:36 PM EDT
[#46]
I think I know what you were trying to say ,but that statement just looks wrong to me. No soldier's life is more valuable than anothers. Be it frontline or remf. |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 4:09:45 PM EDT
[#47]
There is nothing would make me more proud than to have my son be a fine soldier. There is nothing I fear more than having one of my children die before me. Do you have any children? |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 4:11:00 PM EDT
[#48]
its your RESPONSIBILITY to do, you can offer guidence, but you cannot force your will on her. If you cant retire based on what you have built for yourself, thats your fault, not her's. It is wrong of your to put your retirement as her responsibility. You are selfish you discount your children instead of support them. I thank the lord my parents guided me as the teachers they are rather than forced their will on my like the dictator you are |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 4:11:06 PM EDT
[#49]
You respect your daughter's choices, which she has the right to make as an adult. You already established that she can do what she likes and what makes her happy. It is about 19 years too late to change your mind on that one. Apologize and suck it up. My wife's cousin is a terriffic artist, and went to a fashion design school in L.A.. She is establishing herself as a designer, which takes not only artistic talent but business sense and political savvy. Your daughter might craft exactly the life she wants with this major, and if she doesn't--it's still her life to lead. Helpful advice is definitely a plus coming from a parent. Going from supportive parent to ranting lunatic is a big, big negative. If what you really meant all these years was "You're free do do whatever you want, so long as that's what I would have chosen for you anyway," then be prepared for a major battle with your daughter and your wife, and one that you have absolutely no chance, at all, of winning. Jim |
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Posted: 3/13/2005 4:11:15 PM EDT
[#50]
Yes and their life is no more valuable than any other persons child. We all love our children I'm sure. |
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