BREAKING: Senator Kerry A Splodes at Press Conference

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - BREAKING: Senator Kerry A Splodes at Press Conference

Posted: 11/2/2004 9:20:27 PM EDT

www.thedailydiem.org/1294x953;23991x883/1294x953story.html.asp/story.html

11/03/2004, 1:04 AM EST
James Bettendorf, Daily Diem staff writer

BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS:

After the devastating blow of Ohio being handed to incumbent President George W. Bush, bringing the Texas politician's total estimated electoral vote count to 266, just four short of a win, Senator John F. Kerry appeared outside one of his homes in Boston.

"What the fuck is this! Has this entire fucking country gone batshit loco? I've pulled votes out of my ass that were better than this," the Senator from Massachusetts and Presidential hopeful said. He went on to say, "I swear to god, I will kill you all! I will fucking crush you! This country is mine, and no two-bit cowboy from Crawford is going to take it from me!"

Senator Kerry then pulled out an explosive device and attempted to detonate it, whereupon an alert member of the crowd threw him a football. The Senator failed to catch it, providing a hilarious photo-op, and became momentarily distracted, allowing police time to wrestle him to the ground and arrest him for felony assault and twelve counts of being a total fag in public. His wife declined to pay bail, stating that she "never really liked the dipshit anyway."

It is unknown whether or not this can legally be counted as a concession on the part of either candidate. More on this as it develops.

Posted: 11/2/2004 9:22:01 PM EDT

[#1]

had me untill the part about being arrested... < rules dont apply to him :) >

good one

Posted: 11/2/2004 9:25:11 PM EDT

[#2]

Quoted:
www.thedailydiem.org/1294x953;23991x883/1294x953story.html.asp/story.html

11/03/2004, 1:04 AM EST
John F. Kerry appeared outside one of his homes in Boston.

Yeah, he can really relate to the little guy!

Posted: 11/2/2004 9:26:25 PM EDT

[#3]

Alcohol makes this threadf funnier than it isl

- BG

Posted: 11/2/2004 9:26:57 PM EDT

[#4]

Isn't it going to be great hearing anecdotes about that assbag back at the boarding gate for the Boston-DC shuttle shouting "Do you know who I am?"

Posted: 11/2/2004 9:35:22 PM EDT

[#5]

post it on D irty U nderware

Posted: 11/2/2004 9:36:49 PM EDT

[#6]

Quoted:
www.thedailydiem.org/1294x953;23991x883/1294x953story.html.asp/story.html

11/03/2004, 1:04 AM EST
James Bettendorf, Daily Diem staff writer

BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS:

After the devastating blow of Ohio being handed to incumbent President George W. Bush, bringing the Texas politician's total estimated electoral vote count to 266, just four short of a win, Senator John F. Kerry appeared outside one of his homes in Boston.

"What the fuck is this! Has this entire fucking country gone batshit loco? I've pulled votes out of my ass that were better than this," the Senator from Massachusetts and Presidential hopeful said. He went on to say, "I swear to god, I will kill you all! I will fucking crush you! This country is mine, and no two-bit cowboy from Crawford is going to take it from me!"

Senator Kerry then pulled out an explosive device and attempted to detonate it, whereupon an alert member of the crowd threw him a football. The Senator failed to catch it, providing a hilarious photo-op, and became momentarily distracted, allowing police time to wrestle him to the ground and arrest him for felony assault and twelve counts of being a total fag in public. His wife declined to pay bail, stating that she "never really liked the dipshit anyway."

It is unknown whether or not this can legally be counted as a concession on the part of either candidate. More on this as it develops.

Posted: 11/2/2004 9:37:18 PM EDT

[#7]

KERRY: YOUR HEAD A SPLODE!

Posted: 11/2/2004 9:43:12 PM EDT

[#8]

Posted: 11/2/2004 9:43:35 PM EDT

[#9]

www.thedailydiem.org/1323x031;23993x765/1323x031story.html.asp/story.html

11/03/2004, 1:29 AM EST
James Bettendorf, Daily Diem staff writer

BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS:

Just minutes after his arrest and incarceration, the police station where Senator John F. Kerry was being held exploded in an unholy red light, followed by a voice that witnesses describe as "hellish" and "blood-curdling" screeching in a blasphemous and foul toungue, punctuated with cries of "we will destroy the Republicans" and "kill the oil-creatures." This was followed by the walls of the Boston police station vaporizing, leaving only a flame of pure evil and a silhouette that looked vaguely like the Senator, but with pointed ear and cloven hoof.

This may or may not be related to the Senator's press conference, held in July, stating that he is the Antichrist, the bastard son of Satan the Adversary.

Senator Kerry at his July press conference

The Senator and Presidential challenger then appeared to leap into the sky and fly towards Washington, DC, the nation's capital and the current location of President and incumbent challenger George W. Bush. More on this story as it develops.

Posted: 11/2/2004 9:45:46 PM EDT

[#10]

That was great!

Posted: 11/2/2004 9:47:14 PM EDT

[#11]

Quoted:

That was great!

+1

Posted: 11/2/2004 9:55:22 PM EDT

[#12]

twelve counts of being a total fag in public. OMG!

Posted: 11/2/2004 11:11:51 PM EDT

[#13]

Posted: 11/2/2004 11:15:07 PM EDT

[#14]

Quoted:
www.thedailydiem.org/1294x953;23991x883/1294x953story.html.asp/story.html

11/03/2004, 1:04 AM EST
James Bettendorf, Daily Diem staff writer

BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS:

After the devastating blow of Ohio being handed to incumbent President George W. Bush, bringing the Texas politician's total estimated electoral vote count to 266, just four short of a win, Senator John F. Kerry appeared outside one of his homes in Boston.

"What the fuck is this! Has this entire fucking country gone batshit loco? I've pulled votes out of my ass that were better than this," the Senator from Massachusetts and Presidential hopeful said. He went on to say, "I swear to god, I will kill you all! I will fucking crush you! This country is mine, and no two-bit cowboy from Crawford is going to take it from me!"

Senator Kerry then pulled out an explosive device and attempted to detonate it, whereupon an alert member of the crowd threw him a football. The Senator failed to catch it, providing a hilarious photo-op, and became momentarily distracted, allowing police time to wrestle him to the ground and arrest him for felony assault and twelve counts of being a total fag in public. His wife declined to pay bail, stating that she "never really liked the dipshit anyway."

It is unknown whether or not this can legally be counted as a concession on the part of either candidate. More on this as it develops.

hmm, must be a bad link (hopefully not a bad joke at this timing) Link isn't working.