2 Things that Made Me Into a REAL A$$h0le Today!

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[ARCHIVED THREAD] - 2 Things that Made Me Into a REAL A$$h0le Today!

Posted: 10/30/2004 11:56:16 PM EDT

1. Driving home from the Roosevelt National Forest out in the Rocky Mountains I come a long a big cliff that is guarded by a guard rail for the road. I see a really big beautiful yellow flower and I think, hell, its already snowing here that thing will be dead soon, so why don't I cut it and take it home to my GF.

Well, I get my knife out and start cutting on it and think to myself "Damn, this stem is a real bitch!" come to find out it was a fake but very very accurate portrayal of a flower (It was even made with spiky fur on the fake stem) for someone's Shrine on e the side of the road that died. Poor soul, must have drove of the cliff or something a while ago.

I felt like shit, good thing is I didn't cut it down.

2. After getting out of the mountain boonies I was very hungry. I stop at a Mc D's on the way home in Ft. Collins., Order my food at the counter and start walking to my seat. There is a red neck family on the way to my seat with a dirty 3-4 year old in a high chair. I felt something squishy under my foot while walking and I look down to see that I had just stepped on a packet of Mayonnaise and the thing shot all over the kid.
ETA: Once the kid got Mayo all over himself and his cheek, he started crying like crazy!
.
Thank God that Redneck father didn't notice it was from me, but they were really puzzled since the packet on the floor wasn't visible from their seats.

I got to my seat and Just couldn't stop laughing. I know I know, it sounds messed up. But you just had to have been there.

Posted: 10/30/2004 11:58:37 PM EDT

[#1]

You're gonna burn in hell, boy.

Posted: 10/31/2004 12:00:16 AM EDT

[#2]

Don't worry, only #2 makes you an asshole.

Posted: 10/31/2004 12:04:58 AM EDT

[#3]

Sorry about #1, it wasn't your fault. You had the best of intentions and I think that soul may want to shake your hand in the afterlife.

#2 is just hilarious and you shouldn't feel the least bit bad about it. Shit, or in this case, mayo happens.

Posted: 10/31/2004 12:10:43 AM EDT

[#4]

now the whole state of CO is gonna pay

Posted: 10/31/2004 12:17:15 AM EDT

[#5]

Quoted:
You're gonna burn in hell, boy.

LOL! That is EXACTLY what I was thinking.

Posted: 10/31/2004 12:17:17 AM EDT

[#6]

Which McD's was it? I see they are almost done re-building the one on College and Columbia, which is about 8 blocks from my house.

Posted: 10/31/2004 12:18:33 AM EDT

[#7]

Quoted:
Which McD's was it? I see they are almost done re-building the one on College and Columbia, which is about 8 blocks from my house.

The one thats on 287 and its connected to a Conoco.

Posted: 10/31/2004 12:26:12 AM EDT

[#8]

Gotcha. Is there snow up in Estes Park yet? We just got back from Vegas yesterday, and are planning on going up there next weekend.

Posted: 10/31/2004 12:33:56 AM EDT

[#9]

Quoted:
Gotcha. Is there snow up in Estes Park yet? We just got back from Vegas yesterday, and are planning on going up there next weekend.

Sure is. Also in the RNF as well. When I was up there Yesterday (I almost t go everyday now) it started and by the time I left there was about 1.5"-2" on the ground in some spots. The wind was blowing REAL hard and I tried to make a fire in a very secluded part of the mountains I like to call my own, but with the wind and snow and the sever cold I gave up and called it a day.

Posted: 10/31/2004 12:41:59 AM EDT

[#10]

Good. I love that biting cold wind, although it does make things interesting when you are trying to start a fire. I guess we are supposed to get some snow down here in FtC this week. Sheesh, I'm not even done raking my leaves yet, and my lawn could use a good mowing.....Supposed to be a hella cold winter though

Posted: 10/31/2004 12:46:02 AM EDT

[#11]

That mayo bit was hillarious...poor kid!!!

-Nugz

Posted: 10/31/2004 1:05:53 AM EDT

[#12]

Dude, you made some little heathen monkey cry.
YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

note: I despise children

Posted: 10/31/2004 1:08:37 AM EDT

[#13]

So how long did you have to practice to get accurate with mayo packs? Boy I could sure be able to use that at some places I go to.

Posted: 10/31/2004 1:11:14 AM EDT

[#14]

i'm gonna start putting mayo paks under car tires in parking lots.

Posted: 10/31/2004 2:12:03 AM EDT

[#15]

Was the mayo pack a pre ban ?

Hope today is better for you.

.

Rip

Posted: 10/31/2004 2:51:09 AM EDT

[#16]

Quoted:
i'm gonna start putting mayo paks under car tires in parking lots.

Well, if you must do that. Please look out for a green Nissan Xterra with an IDF sticker on the back.
Dont make that one of yout Mayo targets!

Posted: 10/31/2004 3:30:44 AM EDT

[#17]

Originally Posted By M4_Aiming_at_U.

2. After getting out of the mountain boonies I was very hungry. I stop at a Mc D's on the way home in Ft. Collins., Order my food at the counter and start walking to my seat. There is a red neck family on the way to my seat with a dirty 3-4 year old in a high chair. I felt something squishy under my foot while walking and I look down to see that I had just stepped on a packet of Mayonnaise and the thing shot all over the kid.
ETA: Once the kid got Mayo all over himself and his cheek, he started crying like crazy!
.
Thank God that Redneck father didn't notice it was from me, but they were really puzzled since the packet on the floor wasn't visible from their seats.

I got to my seat and Just couldn't stop laughing. I know I know, it sounds messed up. But you just had to have been there.

, damn man, that is funny as all hell......

If I had been there, you would have heard me laugh all over town.....

Posted: 10/31/2004 3:33:32 AM EDT

[#18]

Quoted:
1. Driving home from the Roosevelt National Forest out in the Rocky Mountains I come a long a big cliff that is guarded by a guard rail for the road. I see a really big beautiful yellow flower and I think, hell, its already snowing here that thing will be dead soon, so why don't I cut it and take it home to my GF.

Well, I get my knife out and start cutting on it and think to myself "Damn, this stem is a real bitch!" come to find out it was a fake but very very accurate portrayal of a flower (It was even made with spiky fur on the fake stem) for someone's Shrine on e the side of the road that died. Poor soul, must have drove of the cliff or something a while ago.

I felt like shit, good thing is I didn't cut it down.

2. After getting out of the mountain boonies I was very hungry. I stop at a Mc D's on the way home in Ft. Collins., Order my food at the counter and start walking to my seat. There is a red neck family on the way to my seat with a dirty 3-4 year old in a high chair. I felt something squishy under my foot while walking and I look down to see that I had just stepped on a packet of Mayonnaise and the thing shot all over the kid.
ETA: Once the kid got Mayo all over himself and his cheek, he started crying like crazy!
.
Thank God that Redneck father didn't notice it was from me, but they were really puzzled since the packet on the floor wasn't visible from their seats.

I got to my seat and Just couldn't stop laughing. I know I know, it sounds messed up. But you just had to have been there.

Quite the life you are leading.

Posted: 10/31/2004 3:43:00 AM EDT

[#19]

Sounds like a good shot. You probably couldn't do that again in a million years. I bet it was just meant to happen, so don't beat yourself up over it. (The kid probably deserved it.)

Posted: 10/31/2004 3:44:10 AM EDT

[#20]

Quoted:
Dude, you made some little heathen monkey cry.
YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

note: I despise children

Yea me too........btw how old are you?

Posted: 10/31/2004 3:55:41 AM EDT

[#21]

Like you really needed an excuse to be an asshole?

Posted: 10/31/2004 4:04:28 AM EDT

[#22]

Taking flowers home to your girlfriend? Pussy!

Posted: 10/31/2004 4:11:47 AM EDT

[#23]

Well, as for #1, shit happens, you didn't know.

As for #2, that's just funny. I would not have been able to contain my laughter had I shot the Mayo all over the 3 year old.

Posted: 10/31/2004 4:41:42 AM EDT

[#24]

Try folding the ketchup/mayo packets in half, then putting them under the little "feet" under the toilet seat, with the seams pointing forward. Someone sits down, gets ketchup all over their ass/legs.

Posted: 10/31/2004 6:04:18 AM EDT

[#25]

Nevermind.

I'll stop while I'm a ... head.

Eric The(Honest,AsAlways)Hun

Posted: 10/31/2004 7:06:05 AM EDT

[#26]

Quoted:

Well, if you must do that. Please look out for a green Nissan Xterra with an IDF sticker on the back.
Dont make that one of yout Mayo targets!

Ha, that must have been you that passed us on 14 goober

Glad we did not stop in at that Micky D's on the way home

Posted: 10/31/2004 8:02:43 PM EDT

[#27]

Quoted:
Nevermind.

I'll stop while I'm a ... head.

Eric The(Honest,AsAlways)Hun

LOL Good one.........

Posted: 10/31/2004 8:46:48 PM EDT

[#28]

You should have shot the 3Gun match in Dumont today, you slacker!

-z

Posted: 10/31/2004 9:23:47 PM EDT

[#29]

Quoted:
You should have shot the 3Gun match in Dumont today, you slacker!

-z

I know I know, 2nd time I forgot. I must be getting old.
I really have had a lot on my mind and now I am getting sick again so....thats my excuse!

NEXT TIME I WILL BE THERE!

Posted: 10/31/2004 9:36:14 PM EDT

[#30]

Quoted:
Quoted:
You should have shot the 3Gun match in Dumont today, you slacker!

-z

I know I know, 2nd time I forgot. I must be getting old.
I really have had a lot on my mind and now I am getting sick again so....thats my excuse!

NEXT TIME I WILL BE THERE!

It was a good match. 4 stages, 18 shooters. We started shooting around 10 and were done about 2pm. It didn't start snowing up there until 4pm.
Check www.RM3G.com and www.ECOUSPSA.com for the schedule

Posted: 10/31/2004 9:37:55 PM EDT

[#31]

Man the first one was an honest mistake and the second one means the four dogs back at the house will want to play with JR…..I don’t think you are going to hell but I may be now.

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - 2 Things that Made Me Into a REAL A$$h0le Today!

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