Sometimes, you just gotta be a dick to people. Maybe they're annoying, maybe they're REALLY annoying, but sometimes, you just have to be a total douche. My preferred method is acting as though I am insane. Or just plain obtuse.

So there's this chick who's been pestering me (even if she would LET me stuff her in the pooper, I wouldn't want to... she's a skank-ho), keeps bringing up the fact that I tripped once two months ago, calling me ugly (true, but impolite), making up stupid shit like "yeah, my brother and his friends were playing ding-dong-ditch, and they did your house, and your dad answered the door with a gun (which never happened, my dad is not a dumbass, and our house has never been DDD'ed), etc.

So it's 6:30 AM, I'm mad as hell 'cause I got 5 hours of sleep, and I go to the bus stop. I stop about 10 feet away from her.

Skank Ho: "Yeah, stay back."

Me: "That sounds like something you would say."

SH: "What are you looking at?"

Me: "That streetlight. It's definitely changing colors."

SH: "Which one?"

Me: "THAT one (not indicating anything, just continuing to stare off into space)."

SH: "Which one? There are a lot of streetlights."

Me: "That's what they want you to think."

SH: "I see, like, ten different streetlights."

Me: "You have to not see what you see and see what you don't. THAT's the way to make money these days."

SH: "What the fuck? Do you have any friends?"

Me: "Yes."

SH: "Oh."

Me: "Why? Do you want to harvest their kidneys?"

SH: "So why do you wear a suit sometimes (note: I wear a suit every tuesday as a holiday that one of my friends made up)?"

Me: "Because it's tuesday."

SH: "What?"

Me: "I said, because it's tuesday."

SH: "You wear it more than once a week (another lie)."

Me: "No, just tuesdays."

SH: "So why?"

Me: "Because it's not monday, it's not friday, it's not wednesday, it's not thursday, and it's not the weekend."

At this point, evidently, she decides to leave well enough alone and stops questioning me.

This method has helped me through several insipid conversations. So does telling a boring and long-winded story that has nothing to do with anything. That's a favorite.

What techniques do you use to drive dipshits away?

she wants your cock dude.

Hey, dude, knock it off and GTF away from me.

Quoted: she wants your cock dude.

+1

Otherwise, that conversation would have been 2 lines long.

fart.

i find accurately aimed gunfire works well...

i have also found removal of your pants and swinging them around your head like a pair of nunchuks while screaming at the top of your lungs to be effective as well...

Quoted: What techniques do you use to drive dipshits away?

I answer their posts without really saying anything valuable.  

(dipshit)  



Zen
"This is my rifle, there are many like it, but this one is mine"  

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She owns you, she speaks and you enter into a conversation.