Trial Lawyers



Lawyers should never ask a witness

a question if they aren't prepared

for the answer. In a trial in a small

Southern town, the prosecuting

attorney called his first witness, a

grandmotherly woman, to the

stand.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs.

Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes I do know

you, Mr. Williams. I've known you

since you were a young boy, and

frankly, you've been a big

disappointment to me. You lie, you

cheat on your wife, you manipulate

people and talk about them behind

their backs. You think you're a big

shot when you haven't the brains to

realize you never will amount to

anything more than a two-bit paper

pusher. Yes, I know you."

The Lawyer was stunned! Not

knowing what else to do, he

pointed across the room and asked,

"Mrs. Jones, do you know the

defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why

yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley

since he was a youngster too. He's

lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking

problem. He can't build a normal

relationship with anyone

and his law practice is one of the

worst in the entire state. Not to

mention he cheated on his wife with

three different women. One of them

was your wife. Yes, I know him."

Thedefense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to

approach the bench, and

in a very quiet voice, said, "If either

of you bastards asks her if she

knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses

in jail for contempt."

Good one

Another oldie but goodie.