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Quoted: Cry me a river - for the last 8 years, my fiancee and I have lived in the same city for TWO of them. Currently, we see each other for about one weekend every three or four weeks
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Shit man, you ever gonna marry this gal?
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Actually, we're PLANNING on getting married next summer. We both have a conference we're going to in Hawaii, so wee're going to go a week early, got to Kauai and get married there - and then go to the conference.
It's a little embarassing to have been engaged for about six years
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So...are you going to live together after you get married??
I see two differnt people with two different lives. How does ones give up his/her goal to meet up with the partner? I'm not seeing it.
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It's a career thing right now. We're not living apart because we want to, but because at this point in our careers, one of us would essentially have to completely abandon our career in order for us to live in the same town. (it's hard to explain, but tenure-track jobs at research universities in a very specific field are few and far between, and once you step out of academia, it's almost impossible to step back in).
So, no, we won't be able to live together immediately after we are married. However, we both go up for tenure in three years, and at that point we will probably resolve it. If she gets tenure, I'll be willing to step down and move to her city, and if I get tenure she'll step down and move here - and we'll jsut take whatver job, whether tenure-track or not that we can get in order to be in the same city. Alternatively, we might find new jobs at universities other than either of the ones we are currently at.
So it'll almost certainly be resolved in the next three or four years. Since we're going to spend the rest of our lives together, a few years more won't be impossible to take. (Not saying I like it, but that it's doable).
I should probably clarify that it's not like we live very separate lives and just ocasionally run into each other. We call each other between four and eight times a day and spend hours on the phone every day. I practially wear a headset most of the time I'm at home, and we also work on research together ocassionally (have a big theory paper being published in the Journal of Applied Psychology in a few months). In the Fall, she drives up to St. Louis as often as she can - but right now we're both very busy so it's only every three or four weeks - and in the Spring I drive to Nashville as often as I can (usually every two weeks). We spend most of our summers together, and go to at least three conferences together every year (where we usually stay longer before/after the conference).