JOB APPLICATION

   NAME: John Kerry

   RESIDENCE:  7 mansions, including one in Washington DC, worth
multi-millions.   I served in Vietnam (four months).

   EXPERIENCE:
   Law Enforcement.  In my career as a U.S. Senator, I've voted to cut
every law enforcement, CIA, and Defense bill.   I ordered the city
of Boston to remove a fire hydrant in front of my mansion, thereby
endangering my neighbors in the event of fire.  I served in Vietnam
(four months).

   MILITARY:
   I served in Vietnam (four months). I used three minor injuries to
get an early discharge from the military and service in Vietnam (as
documented by the attending doctor).  I served in Vietnam (four
months).  I then returned to the U.S., joined Jane Fonda in
protesting the war, and insulted returning Vietnam vets, claiming
they committed atroc ities and were baby killers.  I served in
Vietnam (four months). I threw my medals, ribbons, or something away
in protest.  Or did I?  My book "Vietnam Veterans Against the War:
The New Soldier", shows how I truly feel about the military.  I
served in Vietnam (four months).

   COLLEGE:
   I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. Unlike my
counterpart George Bush, I have no higher education and did not get
admitted to Harvard nor graduate with an M.B.A

   PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
   After College and Vietnam, I ran for the U.S. Congress and have been
there ever since.  I have no real world experience except marrying
very rich women and running their companies vicariously through
them.  I served in Vietnam (four months).

   ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
   As a U.S. Senator I set the record for the most liberal voting
record, exceeding even Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton. I have
consistently failed to  support our military and CIA by voting
against their budgets, thus gutting our country's ability to defend
itself.  Although I voted for the Iraq War, now I am against it and
refuse to admit that I voted for it.  I voted for every liberal
piece of legislation.  I have no plan to help this country but I
intend to raise taxes significantly if I am elected.  I served in
Vietnam (four months).

   My wealth so far exceeds that of my counterpart, George Bush, that
he will never catch up.  I make little or no charitable
contributions and have never agreed to pay any voluntary excess
taxes in Massachusetts, despite family wealth in excess of $ 700
million.  I served in Vietnam (four months).

   I (we) own 28 manufacturing plants (Heinz) outside of the U.S. in
places like Asia, Mexico and Europe.  We can make more profit from
the cheaper cost of labor in those Countries, although I blame
George Bush for sending all of the other jobs out of Country.  I
served in Vietnam (four months).

   Although I claim to be in favor of alternative energy sources, Ted
Kennedy and I oppose windmills off Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard
as it might spoil our view of the ocean as we cruise on our yachts.
I served in Vietnam (four months).

   RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
   None.  However, I served in Vietnam (four months).

   PERSONAL I practice my Catholic faith whenever cameras are present.
I ride a Serotta Bike. I love to ski/snowboard. I call my Gulfstream
V Jet  the "Flying Squirrel". I call my $850,000 42-foot Hinckley
twin diesel yacht the "Scarmouche".


   I am fascinated by rap and hip-hop and feel it reflects our real
culture.

   I own several "Large" SUVs including one parked at my Nantucket
summer mansion, though I am against large, polluting, inefficient
vehicles and blame George Bush for our energy problems. I served in
Vietnam (four months).

   PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.

Quoted: ROFL - I served in Vietnam!

(four months)