We've all experienced it.  The tele-marketer encounter.  Especially worse is the method of calling 5 numbers and targeting which one picks up first, effectively leaving the other four victims powerless to direct the company to stop calling.

So each day this fine week (we've been having lovely weather here at Beale AFB BTW) MCI has called at or around 7:30 PST.  Each time I rushed to pick up the phone only to see MCI on the caller ID, then answering the phone to an empty line.  So by the fifth time this happens, I'm not especially pleased with the situation.  Tonight was different, however, and there's actually somebody there.  Well suprise, suprise.

I love my phone.  A sony cordless with one of those awesome GE headsets.  Makes doing several things at once simple and makes conversations very conversational and natural when compared to not having a headset.

Me:  Hello

MCI:  Hi, this is [whoever] from MCI.  I'm calling...  [I cut him off]

Me:  Alright, check it out

MCI:  [smartass arrogance toughguy inflection]Check what out?

Me:  Please do not call me anymore.  I am on the do-not-call list.  I have no business affiliation with MCI.  Stop calling me, put me on your company's do-not-call list.  Is there some legitimate reason you are calling me?

MCI:  [raises his voice, same smartass arrogant tone]  Well I don't have the do-not-call list in front of me.

Me:  So ignorance is your excuse?

MCI:  [gets more defensive, says something in his defense]  This is my second day here, why are you yelling at me?

Me:  Let me tell you something.  It's not your responsibility to have the do-not-call list in front of you.  It's the responsibility of your employer, MCI, to never give you my number to call in the first place.  Connect me to your supervisor.

MCI:  You expect me to connect you to my supervisor?

Me:  You will if you want to keep your fucking job.

MCI:  [he raises his voice higher]  Are you threatening me?

Me:  [I begin yelling at this point]  No, that is not a threat.

MCI:  I know a threat when I hear one.

Me:  [still yelling]  No you don't, because that was not a threat.  I hope this conversation is being recorded, because... [he cuts me off]

MCI:  [yelling]Yes it was

Me:  [I'm yelling very loudly]  Let me talk to your supervisor NOW!!

MCI:  [tries to say something rude]

Me:  [still yelling]  Let me talk to your supervisor NOW!!

MCI:  [tries to say something rude]

Me:  [I absolutely explode at this point]  I'm an officer in the military and I don't need you calling my house at night giving me shit!  Let me talk to your supervisor now!  DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!?

MCI:  [tries to say something rude]

Me:  DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!?


He realizes that he is grossly outmatched and hangs up at this point.

__________________________________
So my wife is just sitting there looking at me like WTF just happened there?

I grab the number off of the caller ID and give it a call.  Basically I have to enter my phone number to see if I qualify for what they are selling (in essence I'd be inviting them to call me again, thus building a business relationship).

Next step, I have the wife go to donotcall.gov to file a complaint.  This is where it kind of goes down hill for me.  Since we just moved here, I added my number to the registry only a month-and-a-half ago.  The law basically says tele-marketers have 3 months from my date of registration to comply.  Nice.

So dead end, right?

Wrong.  I shit you not, as I was half way through writing this MCI calls again.  I'm thinking the guy really did feel threatened, told his supervisor about the incident, documented it, and I'm getting a 'concerned call' from his supervisor**.  No, it was yet another tele-marketer.  I very politely briefed him on my prior experience with his co-worker and asked to speak with his supervisor.

His supervisor comes on and I fully explain the situation to her.  She apologizes and we discuss the finer details of the do-not-call list and MCI's do-not-call list.  Nice lady.  In closing I ask if she know the guy that I am speaking of with only 2 days on the job.  She says not really, but she'll investigate the incident and brush up his training.  I ask if she could apologize to the guy on my behalf for my being short with him as I was ingorant to the 3 month rule, but insist that he was still unprofessional and deserved it.

I think I need a drink after that melee.

**I got a similar 'concerned visit' from my apt complex manager when I "pulled a gun" on the maint guy at my old apt complex.  Right after Sept 11th the fire alarms go off on my building and somebody starts pounding on my door.  It's late at night, I recognize the maint guy, open the door with a .380 PPK in my hand...give me a break.  You can never tell when somebody is looking to whack you or extract information.

extract information?  

It's not often you can actually get one to hang up on you, good job!


Next time just tell them your naked and covered in peanut butter

Quoted: extract information?

Tell us about your nuclear weapons.  Nuff said?

Ya did right man! No sweat. I ve had my share of ass chewin deliveries on tele marketers, you made me proud

Quoted: It's not often you can actually get one to hang up on you, good job! Next time just tell them your naked and covered in peanut butter

Shockingly enough, I actually was naked and covered in peanut butter when he called!

Really though, I think I might use that one.  But first I think I'll make sure I'm on the company's do-not-call list.

Good one!

My favorite is to ask them to "please hold on, someone is knocking at my door."  I then set the phone down, still connected to the telemarketer, and go about my business.

They wasted my time, I will waste theirs.  I usually go back and check the phone after 30 mins or so.

I got a telemarketer story too.

This company representative called me and as soon as I answered the phone a recorded message came on so i hung up the phone.  About 30 seconds later I tried to make a call to a friend and this recording was still on.  I hung up again thinking this would break the connection. Wrong. This recording had my phone line tied up untill the representative came on the line.

Her- Mr. "Pangea", I'm calling you tonight to offer blah, blah, blah.

Me- Did you just call me and put on a recording that I could not stop by hanging up on?

Her- Yes, but if you will..

Me- If you ever do that again, I'm coming down ther and setting your building on fire and shooting everything that runs out!  Do you fucking understand me!?

Her- Yes sir. Click

Never heard a peep out of them again though I was expecting the sheriff to visit. He didn't.

Quoted: Quoted: extract information?   Tell us about your nuclear weapons.  Nuff said?

nuff said!!

I always ask "Where are you calling from" and then "are you a deer hunter".  They are like what did you say.  "What kind of hunting do you there?".  If they say yes I listen.  If they say no I go on to "do you at least like guns" and then "what kind of guns you got/like to shoot".  

Basically, If they want to talk hunting and guns I'll listen to that. This has worked well for years. Believe it or not I have heard some good hunting stories. One was even about a lady that killed her first moose in B.C.

Best questions for a female telemarketer:

Tell me about your shoes. Open-toed, I hope. Are your nails painted? Is there someone who regularly gives your toes the attention they deserve? What kind of shoes does your mom wear? Does she live near you? Do you think you look like your mother? Do the two of you dine out together frequently? When did you last kiss your mother, and how?

For a male:

What color are your pants? Do you wear them off the rack? The seat; the seat, do you have the seat of your pants altered before you wear them in public? Do you often hear your trousers when you walk? Do you shave any part of your body other than your face? How do you feel about that?

There's a good chance the applicable set of questions will get you purged from the call list. As for the people who make those calls, I lump them in with people who steal. "I'm just trying to make a buck. . ." "OK, You are making a buck the hard way."

Quoted: I got a telemarketer story too. This company representative called me and as soon as I answered the phone a recorded message came on so i hung up the phone.  About 30 seconds later I tried to make a call to a friend and this recording was still on.  I hung up again thinking this would break the connection. Wrong. This recording had my phone line tied up untill the representative came on the line. Her- Mr. "Pangea", I'm calling you tonight to offer blah, blah, blah. Me- Did you just call me and put on a recording that I could not stop by hanging up on? Her- Yes, but if you will.. Me- If you ever do that again, I'm coming down ther and setting your building on fire and shooting everything that runs out!  Do you fucking understand me!? Her- Yes sir. Click Never heard a peep out of them again though I was expecting the sheriff to visit. He didn't.

While I wouldn't go to that extent, that is funny as hell.

Quoted: Quoted: extract information?   Tell us about your nuclear weapons.  Nuff said?

So you're that paranoid but you come on the 'net and broadcast your location?

Good job keeping the need-to-know stuff need-to-know.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: extract information?   Tell us about your nuclear weapons.  Nuff said? So you're that paranoid but you come on the 'net and broadcast your location? Good job keeping the need-to-know stuff need-to-know.

Good job being ignorant there SHIPSNIPE1.

What do I mean by that?

What aircraft are at Beale?  The U-2, KC-135, T-38, & Global Hawk.

Can they deliver any type of weapon?  No.

Again, I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of a thermonuclear device on any DoD installation.

The .gov's secrets are just that:  The .gov's secrets.  They're not mine to give away, that includes over the internet.

Additionally, I've since switched jobs.  Now I spend taxpayer $$$ as a buyer.  I buy anything the base needs over $25,000, services & commodities.

I'm a jack of all trades my friend.  But I can't shake the avatar as I think it's just too cool.

I tried to make an "exciting" contracting avatar, and it didn't happen.  And as a veteran 2W2 I can claim the title.  Now when I was actually a practicing glow-worm and people asked me what I did, I simply told them I was an AF mechanic.

Try this:

www.xs4all.nl/~egbg/english/counters.pdf

Me:  Hello

MCI:  Hi, this is [whoever] from MCI.  I'm calling...  [I cut him off]

Me: [sultry voice] Hi, [whoever]!  This is Nick.  You know...Nick the Dick!  Is this your first time calling? [/sultry voice]

MCI:  I'm new here, so, yes....

Me:  [sultry voice]Ohhhh! A virgin? [/sultry voice]

MCI:  I'm calling from MCI...

Me:  [sultry voice]A man after my own heart.  Someone who knows how to mix business with PLEASURE! [/sultry voice]

MCI:  No! You don't understand, I'm calling from MCI, and I...

Me:  [sultry voice]So, who's going to be paying for this call?  Your employer or do we need to set up a seperate account?  Just give me your card number, baby, and we'll get "DOWN TO IT". [/sultry voice]

MCI:  Click....

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: extract information?   Tell us about your nuclear weapons.  Nuff said? So you're that paranoid but you come on the 'net and broadcast your location? Good job keeping the need-to-know stuff need-to-know. Good job being ignorant there SHIPSNIPE1. What do I mean by that? What aircraft are at Beale?  The U-2, KC-135, T-38, & Global Hawk. Can they deliver any type of weapon?  No. Again, I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of a thermonuclear device on any DoD installation. The .gov's secrets are just that:  The .gov's secrets.  They're not mine to give away, that includes over the internet. Additionally, I've since switched jobs.  Now I spend taxpayer $$$ as a buyer.  I buy anything the base needs over $25,000, services & commodities. I'm a jack of all trades my friend.  But I can't shake the avatar as I think it's just too cool. I tried to make an "exciting" contracting avatar, and it didn't happen.  And as a veteran 2W2 I can claim the title.  Now when I was actually a practicing glow-worm and people asked me what I did, I simply told them I was an AF mechanic.

I think you missed the point entirely.

Most information gathering is done in a non-intrusive way.  Just standing back listening to people talk, reading base newspapers, reading e-mails, etc.  You give away enough info about yourself bit by bit without even realizing it.   I cannot even begin to fathom why you would make some of the fact revealing statements you have made.  Why risk bringing undue attention to oneself??

Why barge down someone's door, attracting attention to yourself in the process, when all you have to do is sit back and wait?  

Post whatever you wish, I just thought your actions and stated fears contradicted each other.

While I occasionally enjoy tormenting telemarketers, you guys get way to wound up about this!  My conversations usually go like this:

*ring*
Hello?
Hello Mr *****! I'd like to tell you about
*click*

What got edited out that was so bad?

I'll ask before I respond....

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: extract information?   Tell us about your nuclear weapons.  Nuff said? So you're that paranoid but you come on the 'net and broadcast your location? Good job keeping the need-to-know stuff need-to-know. Good job being ignorant there SHIPSNIPE1. What do I mean by that? What aircraft are at Beale?  The U-2, KC-135, T-38, & Global Hawk. Can they deliver any type of weapon?  No. Again, I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of a thermonuclear device on any DoD installation. The .gov's secrets are just that:  The .gov's secrets.  They're not mine to give away, that includes over the internet. Additionally, I've since switched jobs.  Now I spend taxpayer $$$ as a buyer.  I buy anything the base needs over $25,000, services & commodities. I'm a jack of all trades my friend.  But I can't shake the avatar as I think it's just too cool. I tried to make an "exciting" contracting avatar, and it didn't happen.  And as a veteran 2W2 I can claim the title.  Now when I was actually a practicing glow-worm and people asked me what I did, I simply told them I was an AF mechanic. I think you missed the point entirely. Most information gathering is done in a non-intrusive way.  Just standing back listening to people talk, reading base newspapers, reading e-mails, etc.  You give away enough info about yourself bit by bit without even realizing it.   I cannot even begin to fathom why you would make some of the fact revealing statements you have made.  Why risk bringing undue attention to oneself?? Why barge down someone's door, attracting attention to yourself in the process, when all you have to do is sit back and wait?   Post whatever you wish, I just thought your actions and stated fears contradicted each other.

Before Do Not Call, I'd get the painters. Monthly.  I'd ask how much the paint is per gallon.  I'd get into a good one about how I really wanted to buy paint (of course they wanted to do the painting) and pretended I didn't understand.  Eventually, I DID understand, and began explaining how I'm 3rd generation painter and how my work is better than most contractors (proper prep, sanding, careful masking, etc.) and I want to do my own painting.  At this point I again ask how much the paint is per gallon, and try to start all over again.  Eventually the calls dropped to a trickle, even before the Do Not Call list started doing its work.  But I don't miss those days!

I usually interrupt them by asking what they're wearing...start breathing hard...and begin my list of personal sex questions.

I hate mci.....

I had dropped them as my long distance carrier years ago....

Every now and then they would call me wanting me to come back to them....

About 10 months ago, they called 8 times in 1 HOUR.....

So that last time they called I unloaded, they have not called snce. I dont remember what all I said, but I am sure it involved ramming thier headsets up there ass, and pullling it out through thier mouths by the cord.....

Quoted: While I occasionally enjoy tormenting telemarketers, you guys get way to wound up about this!  My conversations usually go like this: *ring* Hello? Hello Mr *****! I'd like to tell you about *click*

beautiful

same here

you guys ever get the wrong number call and just for kicks screw with them?

caller] Is suzie there?

me] one second i'll check(2min pause)

me] give her a few mins shes still getting dressed

caller] what? shes getting dressed?

me] yeah shes a real freak in bed

caller] shes 87! years old

(this is where it all goes to pieces)
me] ummmmm click

Quoted: you guys ever get the wrong number call and just for kicks screw with them? caller] Is suzie there? me] one second i'll check(2min pause) me] give her a few mins shes still getting dressed caller] what? shes getting dressed? me] yeah shes a real freak in bed caller] shes 87! years old (this is where it all goes to pieces) me] ummmmm click

OH HELL YA.....

One day my phone rang, so I answered it, here is the conversation...

Me: Hello?

Caller: In a yelling voice: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!

Me: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!!!

Caller: I want talk to Lisa, and WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!

Me: Well I asked you first, BUT if you must know I AM LISA`S HUSBAND, NOW WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!!!

Caller: CLICK, phone went dead, the bastard hung up on me.....

I just know that somewhere in town, there was a guy who was so afraid he was going to get his ass kicked for messing around with a married woman,

Quoted: What got edited out that was so bad? I'll ask before I respond.... Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: extract information?   Tell us about your nuclear weapons.  Nuff said? So you're that paranoid but you come on the 'net and broadcast your location? Good job keeping the need-to-know stuff need-to-know. Good job being ignorant there SHIPSNIPE1. What do I mean by that? What aircraft are at Beale?  The U-2, KC-135, T-38, & Global Hawk. Can they deliver any type of weapon?  No. Again, I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of a thermonuclear device on any DoD installation. The .gov's secrets are just that:  The .gov's secrets.  They're not mine to give away, that includes over the internet. Additionally, I've since switched jobs.  Now I spend taxpayer $$$ as a buyer.  I buy anything the base needs over $25,000, services & commodities. I'm a jack of all trades my friend.  But I can't shake the avatar as I think it's just too cool. I tried to make an "exciting" contracting avatar, and it didn't happen.  And as a veteran 2W2 I can claim the title.  Now when I was actually a practicing glow-worm and people asked me what I did, I simply told them I was an AF mechanic. I think you missed the point entirely. Most information gathering is done in a non-intrusive way.  Just standing back listening to people talk, reading base newspapers, reading e-mails, etc.  You give away enough info about yourself bit by bit without even realizing it.   I cannot even begin to fathom why you would make some of the fact revealing statements you have made.  Why risk bringing undue attention to oneself?? Why barge down someone's door, attracting attention to yourself in the process, when all you have to do is sit back and wait?   Post whatever you wish, I just thought your actions and stated fears contradicted each other.

Nothing was edited out, so I don't really even know what  SHIPSNIPE1 is talking about.  His argument is weak as I've intentionally forgotten most of what I know anyway.  Anything I do know is now either outdated or available on the internet.

You missed nothing.

Quoted: Quoted: It's not often you can actually get one to hang up on you, good job! Next time just tell them your naked and covered in peanut butter Shockingly enough, I actually was naked and covered in peanut butter when he called! Really though, I think I might use that one.  But first I think I'll make sure I'm on the company's do-not-call list.

...........

Go to sporting goods store.

Get a coach's whistle (Acme Thunderer or similar)

Hang whistle on nail next to phone.

Use as necessary

Some of you guys seem wound a little tight.  


Just blow them off and hang up.

Peace of mind is truly priceless.....

1) I got broadband through my cable, turned off House Phone.

2) Always had Motorola cell phone. Got a Motorola T 730something.

Settings--> Security--> Incoming Calls-->  Phonebook Only CHECK


If you dont know me, and arent in my phonebook, straight to voicemail..which by the way is full.

If you know me and lost you number or whatever, TXT message me.

Peace of mind is truly priceless..... I havent had a teleannoyer in years, literally.

 

Quoted: What got edited out that was so bad? I'll ask before I respond....

Nothing was edited out.  May not seem like anything important was said.
But that's not the point.  The problem is that the tidbits of info CAR-10 provides are things which yes are, public knowledge, to some people, may be available through other sources other than himself and may be common knowledge in his area.  But why make it easier for someone else to gather the info?  Some things may sound cool when cited and may not really mean anything, but once again, why attract attention if you are afraid some goons are gonna come knocking at your door?

Quoted: Quoted: What got edited out that was so bad? I'll ask before I respond.... Nothing was edited out.  May not seem like anything important was said. But that's not the point.  The problem is that the tidbits of info CAR-10 provides are things which yes are, public knowledge, to some people, may be available through other sources other than himself and may be common knowledge in his area.  But why make it easier for someone else to gather the info?  Some things may sound cool when cited and may not really mean anything, but once again, why attract attention if you are afraid some goons are gonna come knocking at your door?

I in no way made it any easier for anyone to gather sensitive information.  Anyone who can run a halfway decent Google search could find volumes more info.  Hell, go read a Tom Clancy book, maybe the Sum of All Fears.

Nor am I "afraid some goons are gonna come knocking" on my door.  Preparation and fear are two distinctly different things.  For example, if someone always wears a seatbelt while driving this doesn't mean that they are "afraid of getting in a car accident".  It meant they are prepared to survive an otherwise survivable accident if one occurs.  I'm proud to say that I live on a federal installation.  You would have to be a complete fool to try to gain unauthorized access to where I live.  If you think I'm wrong, then maybe you could IM me with a plan and I'll forward it to AFOSI for you.

And SHIPSNIPE1, you seem to be arttacting more attention by making an issue out of something this unimportant.  So just knock it off.  If you have anything elst to say regarding this subject, then please IM me.

Quoted: While I occasionally enjoy tormenting telemarketers, you guys get way to wound up about this!  My conversations usually go like this: *ring* Hello? Hello Mr *****! I'd like to tell you about *click*

That used to be my tactic before the do-not-call list.  But this time I just had to know why MCI would be calling me while my number is on the list.  From there the situation just deteriorated.

I used to get them leaving long messages on my answering machine. Usually satelite TV or carpet cleaners, or some psychic hotline crap that would fill up my machine. I screen my calls to (or used to) so my answering machine was kinda important. I really got pissed about it, so I changed my message to this:

"Hello, youve reached ###-####. This is a private voice message system. Solicitations will be charged a system storage fee of $10 per second. By leaving a solicitation on this system you agree to these terms. Speak at the beep"

I never had another unwanted message.

OH HELL YA..... One day my phone rang, so I answered it, here is the conversation... Me: Hello? Caller: In a yelling voice: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?! Me: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!!! Caller: I want talk to Lisa, and WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?! Me: Well I asked you first, BUT if you must know I AM LISA`S HUSBAND, NOW WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!!! Caller: CLICK, phone went dead, the bastard hung up on me..... I just know that somewhere in town, there was a guy who was so afraid he was going to get his ass kicked for messing around with a married woman,

hats

Quoted: Quoted: While I occasionally enjoy tormenting telemarketers, you guys get way to wound up about this!  My conversations usually go like this: *ring* Hello? Hello Mr *****! I'd like to tell you about *click* beautiful same here

I usually yell "Oh my god, the baby" before I slam the phone down.

I even got a couple of them to call back to see if everything was OK.

Whenever a telemarketer calls me I just talk dirty to them. Male or female. My wife laughs her ass watching this. They usually hang up in 15 seconds.

When a telemarketer calls, I ask them if they sell anything that removes fresh blood from carpeting. My mother in law will be arriving in a few days and I need to get some blood out of the living room carpet.

They usually hang up pretty quickly.

Others to use;

I am jacking my dog off for his sperm to impregnate my bitch for a litter....any suggestions?

A long winded explanation of how you are thinking about suicide, followed by a shot from a starter gun and dropping the gun on the floor, then silence. If they call back say shit, I missed and shot the dog.

Pretend your wife is performing fellatio on you, and ask the caller how well they do it.


Lots of other good ones, really don't need to be too creative to screw with them.

Quoted: OH HELL YA..... One day my phone rang, so I answered it, here is the conversation... Me: Hello? Caller: In a yelling voice: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?! Me: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!!! Caller: I want talk to Lisa, and WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?! Me: Well I asked you first, BUT if you must know I AM LISA`S HUSBAND, NOW WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!!! Caller: CLICK, phone went dead, the bastard hung up on me..... I just know that somewhere in town, there was a guy who was so afraid he was going to get his ass kicked for messing around with a married woman,

My dad used to get calls all the time of some mexican sounding guy asking for Melinda.
I don't know how many times the guy called, but it went on for at least a few weeks.

Finally, one day, my dad answers in a mock hispanic voice:
"Hello?"
Is Melinda there?
"Oh, hang on a minute, I think she's still in the back room with Juan"
*CLICK*

Guy NEVER called back.  We assume there was a homicide somewhere that night.



Had another one I put on pre-ban a few weeks ago.
I actually got the guy to cuss me out.

I have since deacitvated my apartment phone.  Cell only now.