Husband works very hard, great provider, and I tell him all the time.  However.....our son who is 3 cries for him a lot.  I asked him perhaps 3 out of the 6 days he works (sidejobs etc.)  could he please start coming home before the boy goes to bed?!  I know the "after work beers" are an imoprtant staple of a man's diet,  but for the first few years of a child's life, do any guys consider their time should be compromised?

Beer can wait. Your child should come first.

Quoted: Beer can wait. Your child should come first.

+1.  I've never fully forgiven my father for being gone so much during my childhood

IMO your husband needs to get his priorities straight. Son is more important than hanging out with the guys any day of the week. When you have children, your priorities need to change.

I come home straight after work everyday, and for lunch.  I miss every second that I am away from Mrs. Wedge and little Ms. Wedge.

eta - Now that I think about it, my Dad always came home right after work too.

eta - Most times I sneak out early to get home.

Maybe you son cries for his dad because dad isn't around enough.

YMMV

ETA - I spend as much time with my crumb crunchers as I can.  Cub scouts, soccer coach, ...whatever I can do.

I have been home with Lil Ops for the last 5 years, and I would not have traded that time for anything.  I have to wonder how serious a parent your husband is.  If he was my son-in-law, I would kick his ass six ways to Sunday.  Ops

Sounds to me like when the kid gets older, he's gonna drink to get closer to his father, then he's gonna become an alcoholic and...  JUST KIDDING!!!  Kid comes FIRST beer close second...

For me it's the other way around...I was always there for the kids but the wife was not so much.

Quoted: Beer can wait. Your child should come first.

+1


However, some dads have a hard time know what to do with a kid.  Tell him to play any game he likes.

GiJoe action figures are a GREAT way to get a dad and child to interact....seriously!


Sgatr15

+1 However, some dads have a hard time know what to do with a kid.  Tell him to play any game he likes. GiJoe action figures are a GREAT way to get a dad and child to interact....seriously! Sgatr15

Seriously!, This guy knows what he's talking about when it comes to dolls action figures!!

edited for bad board kung-fu!

yeah sarge is prolly in his 40s and he still plays with dolls.

Quoted: Beer can wait. Your child should come first.

+100000000



Not trying to stir the pot, but you sure it's beers he's stopping off for?

Quoted: However, some dads have a hard time know what to do with a kid.  Tell him to play any game he likes. Sgatr15

True.

And remember - the child wants YOU - not whatever game you happen to play. The child is NOT looking to be entertained, but to have a relationship with dad.

Give the kid YOURSELF - ANYTHING you take interest in the child will be thrilled with.

Quoted: +1 However, some dads have a hard time know what to do with a kid.  Tell him to play any game he likes. GiJoe action figures are a GREAT way to get a dad and child to interact....seriously! Sgatr15 Seriously!, This guy knows what he's talking about when it comes to dolls action figures!! edited for bad board kung-fu!

Damn... you beat me to it.

Does Dad get done work at a normal time and then go right from work to the bar until jr. goes to bed, or does he work late and doesn't get home until after jr. is already put down for the night?

If he's going to the bar right from work then he is double wrong... 1.) for driving home from the bar after drinking and 2.) for not spending time with jr. Why can't he just stop at the liquor store on the way home and drink with the boy (I don't mean drink with the boy)... then he gets the best of both worlds.

My son loves sitting on my lap while I read him books. That or we all (Mrs. PF, PF jr., and Puppy PF) all go for a walk around the neighborhood after dinner. We usually stop at the park and put him in the swing and I'll go down the sliding board with him a few times. Sometimes we'll just lay on the bed together and roll around because it's so much fun watching him cruise all over everything.

At 3 he should be able to do a lot more with him: color, do yard work (kids love to help dad), make-pretend. Right now it doesn't even sound like he's pretending to be a dad.

ETA: I expect mahatmabrice to come in here any second and really rip into this father for having poor parental values... tick tock tick tock.

Family  comes first  !!!! Tell that Bar Fly of a husband to get his ass home after work, and spend some quality Time with you and the kids  But also give him room to go and play with his friends, maybe there's still a small % of kid left in Him still waiting to become an Adult

Quoted: Beer can wait. Your child should come first.

agreed.

I rush home right after work. Otherwise, my dogs will crap all over my house!

Yes,  I work about 60 hours a week and I spend every moment I can with my kids.  I feel it is the most important thing I will do every week.

Quoted: yeah sarge is prolly in his 40s and he still plays with dolls.

Yes...and my kids have a father that spends time with them.

I also played Barbies with my little girl.

She too is happy.


Sgtar15

there must be more going on.. you would think he would want to come home to a loving wife and young child afterwork.

I really have to wonder if he's got a little sumthin-sumthin on the side....  

Quoted: I may be way out of line, but here I go. I work hard, I spend way more time out of town than I would like, but I spend every second I can with my children. Any man who prefers the company of th patrons at the local bar to spending time with a three year old who is crying to see him needs to pull his head out of his ass. I have flown home from across the country for no more of a reason than my daughter felt sick and wanted me to be there. I understand that I have a responsibility to provide for my children, but working to the point that you don't spend any time with them is not providing for them either. A few after work beers can be drank at home, even if you are just watching the kids favorite video on the couch, to me that is a lot more relaxing than watching drunks trying to hook up at the neighborhood watering hole.

+1000

Single dad. Never knew what "after work beers" were until a couple years ago when my daughter decided spending time with her friends was a priority over dad.

He needs to think about his son. A family stucture is probably the most important thing on this earth. He can have the beers after the boy goes to sleep. I have the same problem though, I'm not perfect and admit it. I spend too much time on here.

Ok, not to make excuses, but, he isn't going to a bar, he's at the barn where they store the equipment (construction) and the guys are all there getting stuff cut and loaded for the next day.  It's close enough to my house, we sometimes walk there so the boy can see him before bed.  I just think time can be beter managed?  

Its one thing if he has a very demanding job and needs to work late to provide for his family, and totally another thing to skip out on your kid to have a good time.

That changes things a bit... technically he's still working, just working while having some beers, right? Probably should have said that in the first place.

Work is work... play is play...

He should be there when he can. I would not put up with the kid crying about it though. You need to toughen him up a little.

I have so much work to do that if I wanted I could never leave.

That being said I skip out early every chance I get so that I can go home to Mrs. Wedge, and little Ms. Wedge.

Quoted: That changes things a bit... technically he's still working, just working while having some beers, right? Probably should have said that in the first place. Work is work... play is play...

     But, that's not always the case.  

Without a doubt you are correct.  He needs to compromise here or he'll be missing something important.....to him AND the kid....and you too..!   Good luck and show him this thread for a little support.  No one ever says at a later point in their life, "Gee, I wish I would've spent more time at the job!"  

Breaks my heart when once or twice a week my 3 year old says "Daddy I wish you could stay home from work today to play with me."  Consequently, I come straight home from work to play with my kids because they love me and need my time with them.

Playing with the kids is easy.  The more structured activities we do are: bike rides, swimming at the local rec. center, flying kites, fishing, playing at the park; but most of the time we just play simple games they think up or they help me with chores while my wife makes one of her fabulous dinner creations.  I couldn't imagine prefering to go to the bar rather than spend time with the kids.  I still get out to play tennis every few weeks, I shoot on my lunch hour, and when the days are longer ride my bike after they are in bed.

If I feel like a beer I have it with dinner rather than at the bar. which leaves more money for ammo.

Yes, I don't have the freedom I had before I had children.  But, the payoff in the long run will be children that have a good childhood and will be able to say the same thing I say about my dad.  " I can't imagine how a dad could be any better than my dad."

Edit to add:  I didn't see the previous post about working in the barn preparing for the next day.  That's a little different than going to the bar.  But...  Priorities still have to be made.  Is he a father or a slave to the job first.  Does the construction industry in WI have a slack period during the winter?  If so, he should make every effort to spent time with the family then.  If he is the owner of the business I can see how it is difficult to find enough time in the day.  But you know what they say about all work and no play...  If he isn't burned out now, how much longer can he continue at this pace before he is?  Once he's burned out and needs the family suport how much support can you get from a family that doesn't know you?  Finally, money is worthless if you can't enjoy it.

Kent

Children come before either my wife or me. I've lost count as to how many hours of sleep I lost to take my kids to doctor/dentist appointments. I never counted because I did'nt care as long as my kids were taken care of. Do I go out with friends? Once in awhile. Do I spend time with my kids? EVERYDAY! Your husband would lose in the argument of husbands time vs time with kids. Just the way it should be. Take care and good luck.

Habits

When my son came, I was soooo in the habit of doin' what I had been doin' since college, I didn't realize where my time was being spent.  My wife 'enlightned' me.  I have never been happier now that my time/priorities have been adjusted.

It's all a matter of habits

Good luck