[i]TASTEFULNESS ADVISORY: Do not read this column if you are eating, or plan to
eat ever again. Thank you. [/i]

(Source Unknown)

Recently I watched as a professional engineer attempted to flush fermented
bean curd down a toilet.

This was not some fun engineer prank. This was a laboratory test conducted
at the research center of the National Association of Home Builders, which
is trying to develop a laboratory test for toilet performance that
simulates the challenges faced by toilets in the real world.

This research is necessary because Americans are unhappy with the wimpy
toilets we are now required to buy. We yearn for the glory years, when our
toilets were among the most powerful on earth -- when the standard American
household commode could, in a single flush, as proven in actual tests, suck
down a mature sheep.

(Before I get a lot of mail from angry animal-rights activists, let me
stress that these tests did NOT use an actual sheep. That would be
barbaric! They used two goats tied together.)

But then, in 1992, the U.S. Congress -- instead of passing a law that would
actually benefit ordinary Americans, such as a mandatory death penalty for
telemarketers -- decided to cripple our toilets. Specifically, Congress
passed a law limiting new toilets to 1.6 gallons of water per flush, less
than half what the old toilets used. In terms of power and studliness, our
toilets went from being the Baltimore Ravens to being Barry Manilow.

(Before I get a lot of mail from angry Barry Manilow fans, let me stress
that, as a musician and a performer, he sounds like two goats tied
together.)

The new toilets were supposed to save water. And they work OK when it comes
to disposing of what is euphemistically referred to as ``Number One.'' The
problem is that, when they must dispose of what is euphemistically referred
to as ``Geraldo,'' they tend to clog, and they often must be flushed
repeatedly, which actually wastes water.

(Before I get a lot of mail from angry Geraldo fans, let me stress that
there ARE no Geraldo fans.)

So anyway, the plumbing and homebuilding industries have gotten many
complaints about the new toilets. That's why the National Association of
Home Builders has been trying to come up with a real-world toilet test, so
we'll know which, if any, toilets actually work, so consumers can buy these
and get rid of the bad toilets, which will then be dropped from bombers
onto the U.S. Capitol.

OK, that last part is a fantasy (for now).

But the NAHB really is doing serious toilet research, as I learned when I
was given a tour of its Maryland research facility by Larry Zarker, Chuck
Arnold and Tom Kenney. They showed me a laboratory where test toilets are
mounted on a frame; the procedure is, you put your test material into the
bowl, flush, then see how much material makes it through to a wire
collection basket underneath. (Kids: This would be a GREAT science-fair
project!)

(cont.)


Kenney first showed me the current test standard, in which the toilet is
supposed to flush 100 little plastic balls. There are two problems with
this test. One is that anybody who emits anything like 100 little plastic
balls doesn't need a better toilet; he needs immediate medical care. The
other problem is that the test is WAY too easy. ``Any toilet in the world
can pass it,'' said Kenney.
He then showed me some of the tougher, more-realistic tests being
considered. These involve various materials, including wads of paper and
sponges, both weighted and unweighted, to simulate what the NAHB refers to
as ``sinkers'' and ``floaters.''

But the most impressive test material, by FAR, is the fermented bean curd,
which Kenney said is made, using a secret recipe, by the Toto toilet
company of Japan, a world leader in commode innovation. I mean, this stuff
looks EXACTLY like real Geraldo. I myself would not touch it. I watched in
fascinated horror as Kenney boldly grasped a mass of it and, with his bare
hands, formed 10 incredibly lifelike Puff Daddies. Needless to say, these
clogged the test toilet.

I was deeply moved by this experience. I came away convinced that these
engineers will, some day, develop a test that will enable us, as a nation,
to once again have faith in our commodes. When that day comes, I want to
shake the hands of the courageous researchers who made it possible. But
first they will have to wash up.

One solution to the water saving toilets would be to line up all up at the range and wack 'em with 55 grainers [:D]

Through the use of mix and match aftermarket parts mine does an automatic double tap.

They should make it mandatory for a plunger be included with all of those stupid low flush toilets.

I can see you've gone over to the Dark Side, Luke....

Enact ANOTHER law to fix their FIRST crappy (no pun intended) / Marxist law???

Seriously -

I've got these somewhat hideous bright blue fixtures in my bathroom, including the john.

I considered replacing it, but decided NO WAY. I like my hi-cap toilet. It flushes first time EVERY time, and the fact that it pisses off a liberal is gravy....

My water saving toilet came with a little plastic bowl around the bottom valve.  I cut slots in the plastic bowl all the way to the bottom of the tank.  I have a super flusher now.[:D]

I know how to test a toilet, but you can't check it out afterwards.

[Mcedited]
"HEY KIDS, !!!
flush twice...
it's a long way to
McDonalds."

GW you just modified your post ban into a preban-you are going to jail.

My uncle has one of them new toilets-too a dump in the bastard (toilet) and had to flush 5 TIMES!!!  boy , that really is saving the water.  Heck, it wasnt even one of my larger colon downloads either...[xx(]

Information overload

Remember FULL AUTO-FLUSH SEARS are illegal. [:D]

Yup. And then he watched his chance at the presidency "circle the bowl."

(pun intended)

I once worked with a guy that could clog a pre-ban.  I don't know what he was eating, but every morning he would turn the can into a biohazard.  Nobody would go in for at least an hour.  Then several flushes were needed to clear the "obstruction".

modifications can be made to any toilet...

a secondary tank could also be used....

or how about a compost toilet..  Hell that should really make em happy!

http://www.compostingtoilet.com/

I heard that there is actually a black market for these toilets, as well as smugglers bringing them in from Canada. Nice use of my F**KING tax$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!!!

Yeah, I keep waiting for the BTR to raid my home any minute.

Bureau of Toilets and Restrooms.

Yeah, but the modification of standard capacity tanks to accomodate high-capacity flushes is a violation of 922r. Pre-ban toilets are nice, but the price on them is going through the ceiling.

My toilet is a pre-ban, high-volume rig. Threaded accessory options, lugged, pistol grip, and full-auto mode.

"Molon Lavatory . . . " [moon]

PowderBurns: Why did you decide on the full auto toilet?  I thought that a burst toilet kit would best suit my needs, so as any young children or old geezers wouldnt get themselves sucked into the crapper.  Sometimes 3 flushes is too much, sometimes its too little, but thats the price I pay for not having to worry about my visitors being sucked down the tube.

Kharn

OK I checked with Janet Reno and post ban toilets may have no more than one of the following features.

(1) bicycle handlebars "conspicuously protruding"
(2) vacuum flush assist of any type
(3) tank shorter than 16"
(4) AUTO-FLUSH disconnector or SEAR
(5) hard chromed bowl (hey its not my rule)
(6) mounting lug for magazine rack
(7) turbo exhaust system of any make
(8) anything teflon coated (remember cop killer bullets)

*Sigh*  Here we are, the last, best hope of our nation, and we've all gone scatty-boo.

As far as I know, you can still bring toilets across the canadian border, openly.

If you can find a Binford 747 Turbo Toilet Kit buy one before their banned.

Didn't Al Bundy do that once?  He had a plan to sell a few black market toilets to make new car money...

Al Gore invented toilets.

Since were talking about toilets. I'll tell you a quick story. Years ago I was stationed in Japan not far from Hiroshima. My girl and I would spend many weekends in hotels. At one place we stayed early in our relationship they had western (American) style toilets. There was instructions written in Japanese with a stick figure demonstrating both ways to use it. Being young and unworldly at the time I was very amused by this. I peeled the instruction sticker off and kept it to show my friends. That was 1984 and I still have it.

Man, what a sh!tty topic.  {couldn't resist} In all honesty, if it's a good brand {like American Standard or Kohler} and IF IT IS INSTALLED PROPERLY it will work fine.  Most of the residential plumbing work I've seen is crap. {couldn't resist that either.}

Garandman - This one was great - It's strange
that you brought this up as my wife today mentioned about getting the new "style" toilets,
now known as "Post-Ban" Toilets. I just got through printing out the whole forum of which she is now reading. The field that I work in (known in California as the "oilfield") as units that will injest anything, including 4 goats tied together with full battle packs. They have something like a garbage grinder of which grinds the "effluient" into little pieces of then which is sent to an electronic grid of which turns salt water into clorine and then over the side it goes. I think the "Mafia" holds the patent on this device. The only problem with the "Crapper Zapper" is possibly corn on cob kernels.

Two words - Courtesy Flush. - Learn it, Use it.