Geee....I can't wait to convert to Islam so I can slap the shit out of my wife!

I have discovered that my new religion of peace allows me to hit my wife, yep, yes sir... it says so right there under #17 (The patience and Mildness rules) I am so excited to use my new Allah given rights!

I am gonna' hop into my rig and gowa' down to dat them damn corner store and'ah pick up a half rack of Schmitt and a Qur’aner-thing-a-ma-jig and git to it!!!

Yeeeeehaaa...Hot damn...Allah Akbar!!!!!!



Read below for an enlightening snip from "How to make your wife happy" that can be found at http://www.jannah.org/sisters/wifehappy.html (PLEASE DON'T HOT LINK)

17. Patience and Mildness

* Problems are expected in every marriage so this is normal.  What is wrong is excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital breakdown.

* Anger should be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah SWT, by delaying prayers, backbiting, watching prohibited scenes on TV, etc..

* Forgive the mistakes she does to you  (See item 18).

* How can you best correct her mistakes?

1- First, implicit and explicit advice several times.

2- Then by turning your back to her in bed (displaying your feelings).
Note that this does not include leaving the bedroom to another room, leaving the house to another place, or not talking with her.

3- The last solution is lightly hitting (when allowable) her. In this case, the husband should consider the following:

- He should know that sunnah is to avoid beating as the Prophet
never beat a woman or a servant. (but since I am only human it is ok !!!)

- He should do it only in extreme cases of disobedience, e.g.
refusing intercourse without cause frequently, constantly not
praying on time, leaving the house for long periods of time
without permission nor refusing to tell him where she had been,
etc..

- It should not be done except after having turned from her (in)bed and discussing the matter with her as mentioned in Qur'an .

- He should not hit her hard injuring her, or hit her on her face or on sensitive parts of her body. (how considerate of them WTF )

- He should avoid shaming her such as by hitting her with a shoe,etc.

IBTL (my first one)

This is why I think we should lock up all muslims in this country.  Just like we did with the Japanese in WW2. Hell, it worked then, why not now?

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing. You already told her twice.


I am KIDDING!!!!!!! Although I bet there are religions out there that like that one.

Quoted: IBTL (my first one)

Congratulations

I have only quoted from their promotional material

(p.s. good job on the sniper thread )

Quoted: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already told her twice. I am KIDDING!!!!!!! Although I bet there are religions out there that like that one.

Unfortunately wife beating is a problem in all religions and races...but how many of them publicly give you a "God Authorized" reason to do it? Maybe some others do? I hope most don’t.

10. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification

   * Following the Sunnah in removing hair from the groin and underarms.
   * Always being clean and neat.
   * Put on perfume for her.

Who has the pic of the woman about to be executed on the edge of the soccer field?

Quoted: 10. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification    * Following the Sunnah in removing hair from the groin and underarms.    * Always being clean and neat.    * Put on perfume for her.

Id done better not be'a forgittin a razor and some Brute when I'm at the store

"Husband beating" is not only just as prevalent, but it is socially accepted. Though islam does in fact seem to condone/encourage it - and I don't care if it's not in the koran, the current manifestation of the religion is what matters.

Quoted: Quoted: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already told her twice. I am KIDDING!!!!!!! Although I bet there are religions out there that like that one. Unfortunately wife beating is a problem in all religions and races...but how many of them publicly give you a "God Authorized" reason to do it? Maybe some others do? I hope most don’t.

Most dont... its not the religion (In most cases) Its the individual. I would never in a million years hit my wife (Mainly because she would kick the shit out of me )

But you have the guy that beats the crap out of his wife on Saturday night and on Sunday morning... goes to church.

What's the first thing a woman should do when she comes home from the battered wives shelter?
The Goddamn Dishes

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already told her twice. I am KIDDING!!!!!!! Although I bet there are religions out there that like that one. Unfortunately wife beating is a problem in all religions and races...but how many of them publicly give you a "God Authorized" reason to do it? Maybe some others do? I hope most don’t. Most dont... its not the religion (In most cases) Its the individual. I would never in a million years hit my wife (Mainly because she would kick the shit out of me ) But you have the guy that beats the crap out of his wife on Saturday night and on Sunday morning... goes to church.

I agree...and you are right. My brother in law punches Saturday night, and prays Sunday morning. Wife won't do a damn thing about it. Won't press charges. He preaches to everyone he meets....I tell him to STFU.

Listen to the song "Never Again" by Nickelback.

Quoted: Listen to the song "Never Again" by Nickelback.

I will hunt it down and give it a hear.

omar says, what do you tell a woman with two black eyes? nothing, she's already been told twice.

Ya know a strict reading of the UCMJ (at least in 95) states you can rape your wife also .

Quoted: What's the first thing a woman should do when she comes home from the battered wives shelter? The Goddamn Dishes

Oh crap thats cold. did you know there are over 50,000 'battered' women in this country?

...and to think all this time I was eating them plain... [rimshot]

I gotta stop with these. My wife is gonna read them and kick the crap out of me.

Quoted: What's the first thing a woman should do when she comes home from the battered wives shelter? The Goddamn Dishes

Hot damn brotha....youa' signing up too? Maybe we can done ride down tagetha? Ima buyin the beer.

Quoted: I agree...and you are right. My brother in law punches Saturday night, and prays Sunday morning. Wife won't do a damn thing about it. Won't press charges. He preaches to everyone he meets....I tell him to STFU.

Is this your sister's husband?  If so, my question for you is - why isn't he dead?  Not that I am advocating any sort of illegal activity on your part.  That would be wrong.

Quoted: Quoted: I agree...and you are right. My brother in law punches Saturday night, and prays Sunday morning. Wife won't do a damn thing about it. Won't press charges. He preaches to everyone he meets....I tell him to STFU. Is this your sister's husband?  If so, my question for you is - why isn't he dead?  Not that I am advocating any sort of illegal activity on your part.  That would be wrong.

+1

Quoted: Quoted: I agree...and you are right. My brother in law punches Saturday night, and prays Sunday morning. Wife won't do a damn thing about it. Won't press charges. He preaches to everyone he meets....I tell him to STFU. Is this your sister's husband?  If so, my question for you is - why isn't he dead?  Not that I am advocating any sort of illegal activity on your part.  That would be wrong.

Actually I SREWED UP - I think? I don't have a sister. Did I use the wrong term...it is my wife's sisters husband? Yes...he would be better of as fertilizer

Sorry

Quoted: This is why I think we should lock up all muslims in this country.  Just like we did with the Japanese in WW2. Hell, it worked then, why not now?

Not just the japs but the blacks and jews and mexicans and all them other people.

Quoted: Quoted: This is why I think we should lock up all muslims in this country.  Just like we did with the Japanese in WW2. Hell, it worked then, why not now? Not just the japs but the blacks and jews and mexicans and all them other people.

And all those intellectuals, too

and gypsies. don't forget gypsies.

Quoted: and gypsies. don't forget gypsies.

YAH and all the bitches who step

Quoted: Quoted: and gypsies. don't forget gypsies. YAH and all the bitches who step

Let`s not forget left-handed people.

Islam can say what it wants, but if I were to slap my wife, I can positively tell you that I would learn a brand new definition of what IS and ISN'T OK.  OK?  Take THAT to the bank.         Stay safe

Islam Joke of the day:
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
??????
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Nothing, your just told her twice.
Allah be praised

Got Milk pork?