Need some good "threats"...

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Need some good "threats"... (Page 1 of 2)

Posted: 9/23/2004 5:35:10 AM EDT

Like "I'm gonna rip off yer head and crap down yer neck!" or "You better call 9-1-1!" or "This is going to leave a mark..."

Bring out your best!

I need these for work.

Posted: 9/23/2004 5:36:53 AM EDT

[#1]

"It's hard to pick up your teeth with broken fingers..."

Posted: 9/23/2004 5:38:16 AM EDT

[#2]

"I'm gonna hit you so hard your momma is gonna feel it"

Posted: 9/23/2004 5:38:25 AM EDT

[#3]

I used to have a job kicking lions in the ass.

I'll hit you so hard that you'll starve to death before you stop rolling.

Posted: 9/23/2004 5:44:46 AM EDT

[#4]

Quoted:
I used to have a job kicking lions in the ass.

I'll hit you so hard that you'll starve to death before you stop rolling.

Pangea - Someone at work used the "starve to death" one on me yesterday for the first time. It's what got me started.

Posted: 9/23/2004 5:46:02 AM EDT

[#5]

From the movie "Roadhouse":

"I used to fuck guys like you when I was in Prison..."

Posted: 9/23/2004 5:47:48 AM EDT

[#6]

I'm going to shove your cock so far up your ass you'll be able to give yourself a blowjob!

Posted: 9/23/2004 5:48:47 AM EDT

[#7]

You'd rather have a sister in a whorehouse than me as an enemy.

May the fleas from a thousand camels find a nest in your armpits.

Posted: 9/23/2004 5:49:21 AM EDT

[#8]

"My two favorite things is kicking ass and chewing gum...and I'm all out of gum." ,

Posted: 9/23/2004 6:37:53 AM EDT

[#9]

Sergeant Hartman:
You little scumbag! I've got your name! I've
got your ass! You will not laugh! You will not
cry! You will learn by the numbers. I will
teach you. Now get up! Get on your feet! You
had best unfuck yourself or I will unscrew
your head and shit down your neck!

Posted: 9/23/2004 6:39:50 AM EDT

[#10]

You're a fatman.

Sgtar15

Posted: 9/23/2004 6:42:14 AM EDT

[#11]

I'm going to knock the taste out of your mouth.

Posted: 9/23/2004 6:43:05 AM EDT

[#12]

"I will tear off your head, reach down your throat, and pull out your heart."

"I am going to rip off your arm and beat you to death with it."

What can I say, I grew up in a coal mining town.

Posted: 9/23/2004 6:44:21 AM EDT

[#13]

"I'll hit you so hard so fast you'll swear your surrounded"

Posted: 9/23/2004 6:45:13 AM EDT

[#14]

Go for it. please.

Posted: 9/23/2004 6:46:13 AM EDT

[#15]

Stolen from a thread here last week, the funniest thing I've heard in ages:

Islamic mom scolding little kid:

"Don't make me strap a bomb to you!"

Posted: 9/23/2004 6:46:13 AM EDT

[#16]

You'd be better off jacking off a wildcat with a handful of cockleburs than fucking with me. fullclip

Posted: 9/23/2004 6:46:24 AM EDT

[#17]

I used this the other day:

"Don't make me pull you out of that machine and use you as backfill."

Posted: 9/23/2004 6:46:45 AM EDT

[#18]

"You better watch out, because I'm drinking milk and some day I'm going to kick your ass..."

Posted: 9/23/2004 6:49:40 AM EDT

[#19]

I wish I could remember what member posted this one, but I loved it: I came into this world screaming and coverd is someone else blood, and I have no problem leaving it the same way. A true classic.. fullclip

Posted: 9/23/2004 7:36:29 AM EDT

[#20]

And from one of the greatest movies ever...

"shut that cunt's mouth or I'll fuckstart her head"

I love that one.

Posted: 9/23/2004 7:40:23 AM EDT

[#21]

Heard this one years ago when I worked trading floor support...

"If you don't fucking fix that right now, I'm going to go over there, spit on the tip of my dick, and shove it up your ass!"

Posted: 9/23/2004 7:40:49 AM EDT

[#22]

Knock it off or I'll get my mommy to beat you up.

or

Knock it off or I'll hire someone to beat you up.

Posted: 9/23/2004 7:41:57 AM EDT

[#23]

I got no problem goin back to prison..

Posted: 9/23/2004 7:43:44 AM EDT

[#24]

I'M GONNA RIP YOUR EYEBALLS OUT AND SKULL FUCK YOU!!!!!!

Posted: 9/23/2004 7:43:53 AM EDT

[#25]

this big black NCO from darkest Kentucky used to yell at people "Boy, I'll snatch you baldheaded ifn you don't knock that shit off!" Always made me LMFAO even though nobody knew WTF he meant...

Posted: 9/23/2004 7:45:29 AM EDT

[#26]

"Two hits. Me hitting you. You hitting the floor." - Breakfast Club

A bit childish and stupid, but then I always found threats to be that way. I don't threaten. I either do the deed or walk away, but I'm not about to waste my time threatening.

Posted: 9/23/2004 7:45:49 AM EDT

[#27]

Quoted:
"I'll hit you so hard so fast you'll swear your surrounded"

Posted: 9/23/2004 7:52:02 AM EDT

[#28]

You had best unfuck yourself or I will unscrew you head and shit down your neck!

Thanks R Lee Emrey

Posted: 9/23/2004 8:28:38 AM EDT

[#29]

SSGT Brooks, Parris Island 1986:

"Chicken blood, chicken blood, chicken blood....."

Posted: 9/23/2004 8:31:17 AM EDT

[#30]

That's not a threat, it's a statement of fact!

I expected better from ya, Sarge...

Posted: 9/23/2004 8:40:55 AM EDT

[#31]

I work in service industry. A few years ago, I heard a competitor's agent tell a customer;
"You fucking faggot! I'm gonna kick your ass. I'll come around the counter and stick my cock square down your throat!" So another customer said "You need to watch your languauge" And he replied "Don't start with me bitch, you don't want any of me! I'll do the same for you when I get finished over here."

Since it was a competitor, we just kinda watched in astonishment, and kept quiet.

Posted: 9/23/2004 9:17:32 AM EDT

[#32]

Heard this one at work, while us guys were trading insults one day:

"I'll pound your stupid ass into hamburger, and then I'll drive to your house, and dickslap your ol' lady."

Posted: 9/23/2004 9:32:53 AM EDT

[#33]

I'll drop kick your sorry ass into the next zip code.

I'll pile derive your ass so hard you'll have roll down your socks to shit.

I'll beat your ass into a blood puddle and then stomp the fucker dry.

And here's one I actually use in real life when I'm dealing with an inmate in need of a major attitude adjustment:

It's my way or it's ugly.... Your choice.

Posted: 9/23/2004 9:43:09 AM EDT

[#34]

You love and support Kerry and love the Democrats point of view.

Posted: 9/23/2004 9:44:20 AM EDT

[#35]

Shut your fucking cockhole or I'll break my boot off in your ass.

Shut the hell up or I'll stomp your fucking guts out.

I will fucking kill you. (Hey, it's simple and to the point.)

Usually I didn't threaten guys that worked for me in the Navy. I did lose my temper and punch a heavy duty filing cabinet hard enough to move it and dent it. It was welded to the deck. My shit bag was sitting next to it under the impact area. He shut up.

Heard this one when I was on a ship,
You know what, I'm an old man, your young. You might beat me, but some day in a dark passageway, your going to have an accident. (the younger guy walked away and later on had an accident)

From my buddy dealing with his girlfriends teenage son,
You think your bad because you broke a kids nose? I'm an old bitter man, you break my nose and the fight has just begun.

Posted: 9/23/2004 10:21:36 AM EDT

[#36]

I'll shove my foot so far up your ass I'll kick your teeth out.

Live or die, boy. Your choice. Make it now.

Posted: 9/23/2004 10:57:01 AM EDT

[#37]

I'll drop kick you with a boot to the skull, you cum guzzling queen.

Posted: 9/23/2004 10:59:28 AM EDT

[#38]

"Killing is my business, and business is GOOOOOD!" -Major Payne

Posted: 9/23/2004 11:01:38 AM EDT

[#39]

I have 11 acres, a pistol and a shovel. Any questions?

Your mouth just wrote a check your body can't cash.

I'm gonna throw you the beating of your life.

I'm going to beat you down, steal your wallet, slap your wife, fuck your daughter and kick your dog.

ETA: Just remembered one I used yesterday

Allright, Sunshine. Play time is over

Posted: 9/23/2004 11:04:57 AM EDT

[#40]

" I'm calling my lawyer "

Posted: 9/23/2004 11:05:11 AM EDT

[#41]

"Why don't you go outside and practice falling down screaming 'Oh shit, you broke my nose!' and I'll be out in a minute."

"If you were half the man you thought you were, you would've hit me by now."

96Ag

Posted: 9/23/2004 11:09:39 AM EDT

[#42]

Any of you fuckin' pricks move, and I'll execute every mother fuckin' last one of ya!

Well I'm a mushroom-cloud-layin' motherfucker, motherfucker! Every time my fingers touch brain I'm "SUPERFLY T.N.T", I'm the "GUNS OF THE NAVARONE".

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."

Posted: 9/23/2004 11:10:40 AM EDT

[#43]

The last fight I was in, I kicked the guy and broke three ribs, if you think you want some of that then remeber this-that was my fucking dad and I got no family connections with you.

Posted: 9/23/2004 11:11:03 AM EDT

[#44]

Quoted:
"Why don't you go outside and practice falling down screaming 'Oh shit, you broke my nose!' and I'll be out in a minute."

"

We have a winner!!!!!!!

Posted: 9/23/2004 11:31:31 AM EDT

[#45]

I'll stomp a mudhole in your ass so big you'll be able to float a canoe in it.

I'll kick you so hard in your ass you'll be wearing it for a hat.

Don't let your alligator mouth out talk your canary ass.

Posted: 9/23/2004 11:36:46 AM EDT

[#46]

"I've killed for my country, and I've killed for self-defense. But you...you I'm going to kill for fun."

pull a weapon and say "I get the feeling we won't be friends after this..."

"I hope you don't have any plans for the next 8 weeks. Because that's how long it will take you to heal."

"I shit bigger than you"

And that reminds me of Happy Gillmore
"I eat shit like you for beakfast."
"You eat shit for breakfast?"

Posted: 9/23/2004 11:58:56 AM EDT

[#47]

An old man I grew up with used to say:

"I ain't afraid of the living and the dead don't walk" whenever anybody bowed up to him.

It is my favorite because it takes a while to figure out what the hell it means so while the other guy is thinking about it, he would start swinging.

Posted: 9/23/2004 11:59:55 AM EDT

[#48]

There are over 200 bones in your body, and I'm about to make it 400.

Spoken to a punk kid who was harassing another: I know where you live, and my associates know where you live. Stop it now, or we will find you.

Odds are, you can't dodge as well as I aim.

My personal line (not yet needed): I've been shot, fallen 60 feet off a mountain, wrecked motorcycles, and am still standing. How much hurt can you take?

Like others above, though, I really don't do verbal threats. Something about being very quiet but using a steady gaze defuses most situations. When CCW, my lips are all but zipped shut. It's the Teddy Roosevelt school of though.

Posted: 9/23/2004 4:10:01 PM EDT

[#49]

I don't threaten people, it's not polite. I just do it when needed. But, if you guys need a couple:

"I'll hit you so hard, you'll spend the rest of your life looking where you've been!" or, if you like a curse,

"May the bleeding piles possess you;
May corns adorn your feet;
May crabs as big as lobsters crawl on your balls and eat.
And, when you're old and weary, may your head fall through your asshole,
and break your fucking neck!"

Posted: 9/23/2004 4:12:04 PM EDT

[#50]

the best part of you ran down the crack of your momma's ass!

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Need some good "threats"... (Page 1 of 2)

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