Willy requests a pay raise

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Willy requests a pay raise

Posted: 9/15/2004 5:19:17 PM EDT

Pay Raise

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor
I work at great depths
I plunge head first into everything I do
I do not get weekends or public holidays off
I work in a damp environment
I don't get paid overtime
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
I work in high temperatures
My work exposes me to contagious diseases

Dear Penis:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight
You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
You do not always follow the orders of the management team
You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing
You'll retire well before reaching 65
You're unable to work double shifts
You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags

Sincerely,
The Management

Posted: 9/15/2004 5:23:06 PM EDT

[#1]

I thought this was a political topic and you meant Slick Willy aka Bill Clinton, and I got in here ready to be all mad.....then I read that......

Posted: 9/15/2004 5:25:27 PM EDT

[#2]

Quoted:
I thought this was a political topic and you meant Slick Willy aka Bill Clinton, and I got in here ready to be all mad.....then I read that......

Sorry?

Posted: 9/15/2004 5:25:55 PM EDT

[#3]

This is the most gay thread I have seen....Liberace gay even!

Posted: 9/15/2004 5:38:04 PM EDT

[#4]

Quoted:
This is the most gay thread I have seen....Liberace gay even!

You realize taht the original poster is FEMALE, of course??

Posted: 9/15/2004 5:43:22 PM EDT

[#5]

I caught that a little late...but I figured it out. Im a little slow sometimes. im drunk once in a while as well.

Posted: 9/15/2004 5:47:31 PM EDT

[#6]

Quoted:
I caught that a little late...but I figured it out. Im a little slow sometimes. im drunk once in a while as well.

Me too... maybe that's why I'm posting so much... be right back... making another screwdriver....

Posted: 9/15/2004 5:50:48 PM EDT

[#7]

Hmmm, i am drinking the same....small world...and oh look...im empty as well!

Posted: 9/15/2004 5:51:50 PM EDT

[#8]

Posted: 9/15/2004 5:56:32 PM EDT

[#9]

Quoted:
Hmmm, i am drinking the same....small world...and oh look...im empty as well!

I bet your vodka isn't as cheap as mine! I'm drinking 100 proof Monarch in the [where the hell do they have the size of the bottle] HUGE plastic bottle [and proud of it]!

Posted: 9/15/2004 6:00:56 PM EDT

[#10]

when come back bring booze?

Posted: 9/15/2004 6:05:04 PM EDT

[#11]

Smirnoff Oranange twist 80 proof - cointreau 80 proof....two shots each, topped off with OJ....and Im fine!

Posted: 9/15/2004 6:06:03 PM EDT

[#12]

Quoted:
when come back bring booze?

I have plenty left! Come on up!

eta: Macro's is better, and he's closer.... [hijacking my own thread now!]

Posted: 9/15/2004 6:17:42 PM EDT

[#13]

i think the penis and his two subordinate workers need to form a labor union.

Then with union established, Penis and his fellow workers could threaten to strike if concessions or a contract is not agreed upon.

Posted: 9/15/2004 6:20:52 PM EDT

[#14]

Quoted:
i think the penis and his two subordinate workers need to form a labor union.

Then with union established, Penis and his fellow workers could threaten to strike if concessions or a contract is not agreed upon.

You obviously haven't been consuming alcohol! That is much too well thought out!

Posted: 9/15/2004 6:22:23 PM EDT

[#15]

Very Funny.

Posted: 9/15/2004 6:23:22 PM EDT

[#16]

is today richard simmons day?

Posted: 9/15/2004 6:25:39 PM EDT

[#17]

Man! You guys are pretty homophobic! I thought MAYBE a little penis humor would make y'all laugh! Guess not...

Why is a WOMAN posting penis humor GAY or RICHARD SIMMONS DAY??

eta: the above is NOT a rhetorical question.

Posted: 9/15/2004 6:28:43 PM EDT

[#18]

Quoted:
You do not always follow the orders of the management team

INCORRECT! Willy always does his job to management's orders. Sometimes maliciously, but still.

You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working

Willy's a self-starter.

You're unable to work double shifts

Incorrect..Willy just can't do it more than 3 or so times in a row...

Life...according to Willy.

Posted: 9/15/2004 6:30:22 PM EDT

[#19]

Quoted:
Quoted:
You do not always follow the orders of the management team

INCORRECT! Willy always does his job to management's orders. Sometimes maliciously, but still.

You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working

Willy's a self-starter.

You're unable to work double shifts

Incorrect..Willy just can't do it more than 3 or so times in a row...

Life...according to Willy.

Thanks for your contribution!

Posted: 9/15/2004 6:33:35 PM EDT

[#20]

Quoted:
Quoted:
i think the penis and his two subordinate workers need to form a labor union.

Then with union established, Penis and his fellow workers could threaten to strike if concessions or a contract is not agreed upon.

You obviously haven't been consuming alcohol! That is much too well thought out!

damm does it show that bad?????

Posted: 9/15/2004 6:34:49 PM EDT

[#21]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
i think the penis and his two subordinate workers need to form a labor union.

Then with union established, Penis and his fellow workers could threaten to strike if concessions or a contract is not agreed upon.

You obviously haven't been consuming alcohol! That is much too well thought out!

damm does it show that bad?????

Either that or you are an Engineer!!??

Posted: 9/15/2004 6:37:22 PM EDT

[#22]

Damn, thought this topic was going to be about William Jefferson Clinton pissing and moaning about his salary-for-life not being enough. Expected that it was sour grapes that he's signed the Act raising the NEXT President's pay from ~$220l to $400k, and it DIDN'T turn out to be Gore.

Posted: 9/15/2004 6:38:46 PM EDT

[#23]

Quoted:
Thanks for your contribution!

You're welcome! And thanks for interrupting my rum consuption.

Posted: 9/15/2004 6:40:20 PM EDT

[#24]

lol, hardly i have way to much common sense to be an injuneer'

Posted: 9/15/2004 6:43:16 PM EDT

[#25]

Being an engineer has nothing to do with it....simply a matter of drinks divided by hours...or is it hours divided by drinks....maybe I was supposed to multiply something.....DAMNIT I lost the formula...ahhh forget it!

Posted: 9/15/2004 6:46:02 PM EDT

[#26]

Quoted:
Being an engineer has nothing to do with it....simply a matter of drinks divided by hours...or is it hours divided by drinks....maybe I was supposed to multiply something.....DAMNIT I lost the formula...ahhh forget it!

Well OF COURSE! That all makes PERFECT sense!! But I meant that if he WAS drinking [too], then perhaps he was an engineer, because they tend to think that way... you know - sort of organized-like.

Posted: 9/15/2004 6:47:08 PM EDT

[#27]

I wouldnt know anything about it....not since 5PM at least

Posted: 9/19/2004 5:56:18 PM EDT

[#28]

I'm 18, my willy shows up ready for work at all hours of the day or night, without management even asking for it

Posted: 9/19/2004 6:16:01 PM EDT

[#29]

Quoted:
I'm 18, my willy shows up ready for work at all hours of the day or night, without management even asking for it

That's the way it SHOULD be at 18!!

Posted: 9/19/2004 6:27:58 PM EDT

[#30]

Is there a Willy Union?

Where do we join?

What is the initiation fee?

How about monthly dues?

Posted: 9/19/2004 6:29:06 PM EDT

[#31]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Hmmm, i am drinking the same....small world...and oh look...im empty as well!

I bet your vodka isn't as cheap as mine! I'm drinking 100 proof Monarch in the [where the hell do they have the size of the bottle] HUGE plastic bottle [and proud of it]!

That's not liquor it's cleaning fluid!

Sky
Absolute
Stolichnaya
Belvedere

Posted: 9/19/2004 6:49:13 PM EDT

[#32]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Hmmm, i am drinking the same....small world...and oh look...im empty as well!

I bet your vodka isn't as cheap as mine! I'm drinking 100 proof Monarch in the [where the hell do they have the size of the bottle] HUGE plastic bottle [and proud of it]!

That's not liquor it's cleaning fluid!

Sky
Absolute
Stolichnaya
Belvedere

I prefer Absolut, but it all depends on how much $ is in the bank when I go to the liquor store!!

Posted: 9/19/2004 7:00:17 PM EDT

[#33]

Quoted:
Quoted:

That's not liquor it's cleaning fluid!

Sky
Absolute
Stolichnaya
Belvedere

I prefer Absolut, but it all depends on how much $ is in the bank when I go to the liquor store!!

+1

Posted: 9/19/2004 7:00:42 PM EDT

[#34]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Hmmm, i am drinking the same....small world...and oh look...im empty as well!

I bet your vodka isn't as cheap as mine! I'm drinking 100 proof Monarch in the [where the hell do they have the size of the bottle] HUGE plastic bottle [and proud of it]!

That's not liquor it's cleaning fluid!

Sky
Absolute
Stolichnaya
Belvedere

I prefer Absolut, but it all depends on how much $ is in the bank when I go to the liquor store!!

Shhhhhhhhhh don't tell anyone, but in case I die tucked way in the back of the freezer are my back up bottles of Vodka, they're behind the brussel sprouts, no one will ever check there!

Posted: 9/20/2004 8:24:43 AM EDT

[#35]

Quoted:

Shhhhhhhhhh don't tell anyone, but in case I die tucked way in the back of the freezer are my back up bottles of Vodka, they're behind the brussel sprouts, no one will ever check there!

I would! I LIKE brussel sprouts!

Posted: 9/20/2004 3:15:36 PM EDT

[#36]

Quoted:
Quoted:

Shhhhhhhhhh don't tell anyone, but in case I die tucked way in the back of the freezer are my back up bottles of Vodka, they're behind the brussel sprouts, no one will ever check there!

I would! I LIKE brussel sprouts!

BAH!

You're a girl on the internet you aren't real!

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Willy requests a pay raise

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