Boy's Dying Wish For Blowjob from Cameron Diaz Not Granted

PHILADELPHIA, Monday: The parents of 15-year-old leukaemia patient Josh Morten, who last night passed away after a four year battle with the illness, said they were sorry not to have fulfilled his dying wish to get a blow job from Cameron Diaz.

The courageous teenager told his family two months ago that the one thing he'd really like before he died was to be sucked off by the successful Hollywood actress and former model.

"Josh never asked for much," his father confided. "He never complained about his illness, or made unrealistic demands. So when he requested fellatio from the star of Charlie's Angels and There’s Something About Mary we thought, sure, that’s the least we can do for him."

But attempts to grant Josh his dying wish proved much more difficult than the family had initially thought. Formal requests inviting the star to perform oral sex on their dying son were repeatedly declined.
"We wrote, we rang, we faxed," Mr Morten explained. "And every time it was the same answer: 'Sorry, Ms Diaz is currently unable to comply with your request.' I mean, how unsympathetic can you get? We're talking about a dying kid here! Would it kill her?"

Mr Morten even made a special trip to Los Angeles, to try to talk to the movie star personally outside the premiere of Gangs of New York. "The crowds were ten deep," he said, "and I'm there yelling out to her from the back: 'Will you go down on my son please!', but she didn’t want to know."

With hopes diminishing by the day, Mr Morten placed similar standby requests with the agents representing Catherine Zeta Jones, Jennifer Lopez and Salma Hayek, but in each case the stars refused to co-operate.

"Who do they think they are, these women!" railed Mr Morten. "They earn millions of dollars and swan about at fancy parties, but when they get a simple request to bring a smile to a young boy far less fortunate than them, they turn their back on you. What kind of world do we live in when a dying teenager can no longer get his cock sucked by a celebrity?"

DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPE!

FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALSE!


Its pretty damn funny though.

Bastards!!!

it's the onion...or it has to be. i thought it was funny as hell.

Thats great. Well, not the fact that the kid died, but the fact that he told his parents that he wanted to get a blow form diaz.

Old school Onion.

I'm terminally ill as well... At best I've got maybe 35-40 years left to live.

That boy was nuts.
Natalie Portman over Cameron Diaz any day.

Quoted: That boy was nuts. Natalie Portman over Cameron Diaz any day.

Katherine Zeta Jones thats my pick.

Onions are great.





I'd go for the Victoria's Secret catalog for inspiration on who to choose if I was still 15 though.

When I was 15 a dirty picture and loose underwear was enough.

Quoted: When I was 15 a dirty picture and loose underwear was enough.

Your poor mother....the laundry... bleh!

My dying wish is to get a blowjob from mel gibson uhhh, I mean angelina jolie, yeah.

It's from The Onion.

Quoted: What kind of world do we live in when a dying teenager can no longer get his cock sucked by a celebrity?"

Michael Jackson would probably do it.


The onion is great... I still have their "Ask a Navy Seal" spoof.

Um, yeah, i tried that one on a Denver broncos chearleader once. Didn't work out though. She had plans that night or something.

Quoted: That boy was nuts. Natalie Portman over Cameron Diaz any day.

+1

Quoted: My dying wish is to get a blowjob from mel gibson uhhh, I mean angelina jolie, yeah.

No wonder its floppy

Quoted: Onions are great. I'd go for the Victoria's Secret catalog for inspiration on who to choose if I was still 15 though.

Alessandra Ambrosio