The Balloonist

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost.  She lowered altitude and spotted a man in a boat below.  She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS device and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west
longitude."

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and I'm still lost.  Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going.  You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air.  You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're
in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."

ROFLMAO!! That one's a keeper!

PROBLEM: Two books are for sale.  Which one to buy?  
"Titanic" or "My Life" by Bill Clinton?  

Titanic: $29.99  
Clinton: $29.99  

Titanic: Over 3  hours to read.  
Clinton: Over 3 hours to read.  

Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love,
  and subsequent catastrophe.  
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love,
  and subsequent catastrophe.  

Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.  
Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist.  

Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.  
Clinton: Ditto for Bill.  

Titanic: During an ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.  
Clinton: Ditto for Monica.  

Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.  
Clinton: Let's not go there.  

Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.  
Clinton: Monica's forced to return her gifts.  

Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.  
Clinton: Bill doesn't remember Jack.  

Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.  
Clinton: Monica... oooh, let's not go there, either.  

Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.  
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hillary. Basically the same thing.