Just thoutht I would share

A hunter gets up and goes hunting, he says to himself I'm going to get me a nice young buck
today not to big and good eating. Well the hunter gets in his tree stand and not long after he
is there he sees a nice doe and says to himself no I need a nice young buck, five minuted later
a big twelve point buck shows up to mate the doe and he says no to big. Just before the buck mates
with the doe another twelve point buck shows up ready to fight for the doe. Well the two bucks go at it meanwhile a young spike sneaks by the two older bucks and starts mating with the doe and as soon as he gets on her BAM! the spike falls to the ground dead. One buck looks at the other and says did you see that as soon as he got on her he blew up and fell over dead, the other bucks says yes I seen
that she must have some bad shit lets see if we cant find another doe to mate. As soon as they leave the hunter comes out of the tree stand to see his kill.

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in
the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers."  He
calls the number, and the gorilla    remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.
 
 
The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a
baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. "What are you going to
do", the homeowner asks?    
 
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up
there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the
gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go.

The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in

the back of the van."    
 
He hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for?" asks the  
homeowner.    
 
"If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog"

Quoted: A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers."  He calls the number, and the gorilla    remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.     The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. "What are you going to do", the homeowner asks?       "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."       He hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for?" asks the   homeowner.       "If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog"

Sorry, but this is better

The marriage between the old farmer and his
young wife was not working out too well, so he
asked his doctor for some advise.

"The next time you're out in the fields working
and you feel the urge for your wife," the doctor
advised, "don't wait until the end of the day. Just
quit whatever your doing and go to the house."

"Well, I tried that," said the farmer. "By the time I
get to the house I'm so tuckered out I can't do a
damn thing."

The doctor thought for a minute, and then suggested.
"Take your shotgun with you in the morning and if you
feel the urge, fire the gun and have her come to
where you are."

A few weeks later the old man went back to the
doctors.
"How did it work out with your wife?" asked the doc.

"The first few days it was great!" said the
farmer. "Then hunting season opened, and I
haven't seen her since
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Pentagon recently found it had too many
generals and offered an early retirement
bonus. They promised any general who
retired straight away his full annual benefits
plus

$10,000 for every inch measured in a
straight line between any two points on the
general's body, with the general getting to
select any pair of points he wished.

The first man, an Air Force general,
accepted. He asked the pension man to
measure from the top of his head to the tip
of his toes. Six feet, he walked out with a
check of $720,000.

The second man, an Army general, asked
them to measure from the tip of his
outstretched hands to his toes. Eight feet,
he walked out with a check for $960,000.

When the third general, a grizzled old Marine,
was asked where to measure, he told the
pension man: "From the tip of my penis
to the bottom of my testicles."

The pension man suggested that perhaps
the Marine general might like to reconsider,
pointing out the nice checks the previous
two generals had received.

The Marine insisted and the pension expert
said that would be fine but that he'd better
get the medical officer to do the measuring.
The medical officer attended and asked the
general to drop 'em. He did. The medical
officer placed the tape on the tip of the
general's penis and began to work back.

"My God!" he said. "Where are your
testicles?"

The general replied, "In Vietnam."


Danny

Quoted: The marriage between the old farmer and his young wife was not working out too well, so he asked his doctor for some advise. "The next time you're out in the fields working and you feel the urge for your wife," the doctor advised, "don't wait until the end of the day. Just quit whatever your doing and go to the house." "Well, I tried that," said the farmer. "By the time I get to the house I'm so tuckered out I can't do a damn thing." The doctor thought for a minute, and then suggested. "Take your shotgun with you in the morning and if you feel the urge, fire the gun and have her come to where you are." A few weeks later the old man went back to the doctors. "How did it work out with your wife?" asked the doc. "The first few days it was great!" said the farmer. "Then hunting season opened, and I haven't seen her since --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired straight away his full annual benefits plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points on the general's body, with the general getting to select any pair of points he wished. The first man, an Air Force general, accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. Six feet, he walked out with a check of $720,000. The second man, an Army general, asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. Eight feet, he walked out with a check for $960,000. When the third general, a grizzled old Marine, was asked where to measure, he told the pension man: "From the tip of my penis to the bottom of my testicles." The pension man suggested that perhaps the Marine general might like to reconsider, pointing out the nice checks the previous two generals had received. The Marine insisted and the pension expert said that would be fine but that he'd better get the medical officer to do the measuring. The medical officer attended and asked the general to drop 'em. He did. The medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the general's penis and began to work back. "My God!" he said. "Where are your testicles?" The general replied, "In Vietnam." Danny

Even funnier

Quoted: A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers."  He calls the number, and the gorilla    remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.     The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. "What are you going to do", the homeowner asks?       "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."       He hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for?" asks the   homeowner.       "If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog"

[LOL2]

Quoted: Just thoutht I would share A hunter gets up and goes hunting, he says to himself I'm going to get me a nice young buck today not to big and good eating. Well the hunter gets in his tree stand and not long after he is there he sees a nice doe and says to himself no I need a nice young buck, five minuted later a big twelve point buck shows up to mate the doe and he says no to big. Just before the buck mates with the doe another twelve point buck shows up ready to fight for the doe. Well the two bucks go at it meanwhile a young spike sneaks by the two older bucks and starts mating with the doe and as soon as he gets on her BAM! the spike falls to the ground dead. One buck looks at the other and says did you see that as soon as he got on her he blew up and fell over dead, the other bucks says yes I seen that she must have some bad shit lets see if we cant find another doe to mate. As soon as they leave the hunter comes out of the tree stand to see his kill.

Huh?