the bingo prizes at her church group are all firearms.
her front license plate reads, "let me tell you about my gun collection" instead of "let me tell you about my grandchildren."
when you complain that you are cold, she has you do push ups and sit ups for 30 minutes to warm up.
she won't let you go outside without the "colour of the day."
she directs your playing of "cops and robbers" with your friends.
her travel club lists Blackwater and Thunder Ranch on their schedule.
she shows you how to break the arm of the schoolyard bully who is shaking you down for your lunch money.
the school makes her walk through the metal detectors three times before she can come to parent-teacher night.
you hydrate before bed, not ask for a glass of water.
she refers to sending you off to school in the morning as "getting you trained up."
her little black book has phone numbers for Col. Cooper, Dick Marcinko, and R. Lee Ermey.
she uses Nomex potholders.
she uses Thermite in her slow cooker.
she uses Outers Gun Wipes instead of Wet Ones.
the cookie jar has a 1917A1 w/ motion detector.
her Grandmama taught her how to field strip a BAR.
soccer moms fear her.
instead of a dozen roses, she wants hubby to bring her a dozen MRE's.
she don't have a handbag, she got a bug out bag.
she use FP-10 instead of cinnamon when cooking.
she don't use plastic-ware, she use polymer-ware.
She thinks DD-214 is a bathroom cleanser.
She thinks that 'Ranger T' is made by Celestial Seasonings.
She taught her bridge club to hold their cards in Position Sul.
She thinks that Pat Rogers is Fred Roger's little brother7
She doesn't lock up the house at night, she secures the perimeter.
She "tactically reloads" the TP rolls
she taught you how to field strip a AR15 before you could read.
you got off the school bus at a local range.
the ATF calls her to find out what's legal her area.
she taught you the "Rifle Creed" before the ABC's.
she taught you the four rules, before you could count to four.
local police have her on speedial.
she doesnt wear a necklace, because it gets tied up with her dog tags.
you have a panic room.
Sarah Connor called her for tips.
she dress you in BDUs for school, and SBA with trauma plates and balaclava's for your football game.
Wears a kevlar shroud when she load
the oven with Thanksgivin' turkey
and yell "fire in the hole"
when she turns on the gas
when she wave to the neighbors, she use a Emerson Commander to do it
she keep the number of the Million Mom March on speed dial in case she needs directed fire.
stead of whole-wheat, her bread dough is C4.
she carve the Easter ham with a smatchet.
her curling iron has a light rail
she uses the text of the AWB as a shopping list.
she taught you to field strip, clean & fire the most widely used assault rifles, subguns and pistols before you were allowed to go to kindergarden.
She gave you an M1 carbine for your fifth birthday.saying..'its a good little starter gun, son'
she has reinforced cement flower pots at the perimeter of her 'command post' to deter suicide truck bomber's.
she has camoflagued sand bag bunkers in strategic locations in the yard.
she built a reinforced platform in the roof of the house(permit said sunbathing) for a camera platform and to house the remote control MK19.
She painted claymores to match the exterior decor of the 'command post', pointed outboard and wired into the panic room(she calls it OpsHQ)...next to the bank of video monitors and joy stick for the autoloading grenade launcher.
She calls the lawn the 'freefire zone'.
Langley, SpecOps Command, SAS Delta Force and the Pentagon have her number on speeddial.
On your birthday cake, the candles had a strange resemblance to sticks of TNT, she said...'blow out the fuses....FAST!!'
She is outlawed in 6 countries(well eight, but the other two no longer exist...perhaps because of her visit).
She has a mini- mine dispenser and smoke screen on the aft end of her personal hummer. And two rocket tubes on the roof for 'traffic jams'.
She holds 'morning briefing' and 'threat assesment' everyday before the family departs.
She has downloaded photos of all her 'favorite' personalities from global news, hollywood and certain political figures to be printed up for target practice.
Instead of UPS and FedEx, her deliveries come in dark armored vans with tinted windows and no identifying features.
She has a chopper pad in the backyard...that gets used!
Her satalite dishes have little to do with televised entertainment.
She has a sign at the front gate, saying 'stick to the sidewalk, I am getting older and forgot where I put all the mines!'
When the Neighbors stray poodle 'found' one of the mines last summer, she administer the coup de grace with an MP5SD! And said something about having a nice stew for dinner.
she was so tactical your baby stroller had a blast deflection panel in the bottom, and Trelleborg "run-flats" for wheels.
You didn't realize that clothes came in colors other than OD, sage, black, or camo until you went to school...
She took the ladder off of the bunk bed so you would be forced to PLF from the top bunk...
Her bedtime stories have a bodycount.
She chops her veggies with a K-Bar.
Daily instuctions are given via handsignals to maintain noise discipline.
Her favorite cookbook involves the word "anarchist" in it's title.
Your mama's home schooling has a 80% washout rate even with vigorus prescreening and assignment to a neighborhood PT platoon.
There's no kitchen in your home, just a chow hall.
Family vacations are refered to as FEXs and are preceeded with a warning order and end with an after action report
No phone call to mom [break]to pick you up after school, [break]just an extraction request via your parenatlly issued SINGARS.
You have not a name, but a call sign.
She holds formation before you leave for school.
No birthdays as the chidren's years go by, just promotions for time in rate.
Anything to be taught starts with "I am your mother, and this period of instruction will......"