Post your favorite.  Here's mine.


Seems General Sherman had raped and pillaged most of downtown Atlanta and was headed east (to deliver Savannah to President Lincoln as a present). He and his troops were passing Stone Mountain when they saw a lone Confederate soldier up on top of the mountain calling them all kinds of names and just generally causing a ruckus. Well, this was something that Gen. Sherman couldn't stand, so he sent one of his best soldiers up to take the guy out.

The guy goes up and there was all kinds of hoot'n and holler'in and swearin' and any kind of nastiness, and finally, the Union soldier's body comes flying off the mountain and lands right at Gen. Sherman's feet, dead.

Well, by this time, Gen. Sherman was pretty mad, so he sent 10 men up the mountain to fetch that Confederate soldier. Once again, there was all kinds of noise and swearin' and gunfire and sparks flying, and finally, one of the 10 men comes flying off the mountain, lands at Gen. Sherman's feet, and dies.

At this point, Gen. Sherman has gotten really mad and sends 100 men up the mountain, with orders to kill the guy. Trees start crashing, guns are blarin' and sparks are flyin', all kinds of swear words and such like you never heard.

Finally, one Union soldier comes flying off the mountain, and just barely alive, lands at Gen. Sherman's feet.

"It's a trick, General Sherman," the soldier says, "--there's two of them!"

Damn I miss Lewis...

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
- Lewis Grizzard

Not a joke, but its in one of his books.

When living in Chicago, people were quite amused at his Southern accent.  His standard answer for anyone asking "Say something in Southern"?  "Sumbitch!"  The locals thought that was hilarious.

Quoted: Not a joke, but its in one of his books. When living in Chicago, people were quite amused at his Southern accent.  His standard answer for anyone asking "Say something in Southern"?  "Sumbitch!"  The locals thought that was hilarious.

I always loved that.  The way he said sumbitch....damn that dude was funny.