Just checking in before it gets crazy.  OK-- I've got 2 in congestive heart failure, one with a stroke and malignant hypertension, one paraplegic on cocaine whose son broke his jaw because he talks too much, one ectopic pregnancy getting tuned to go to the OR, one urosepsis, a cop who broke his hand, one diabetic foot with gas gangrene, and 9 or 10 more that ain't sick.

ERs can certain get interesting!

Can I have an AMEN!

Just make sure you're registered, you guys kill more people than guns each year.

Here's my list of fixes:

I've got 2 in congestive heart failure - give em beef jerky and send em packin.

one with a stroke and malignant hypertension - Point, laugh, repeat.


One paraplegic on cocaine whose son broke his jaw because he talks too much - Sounds like he was cured.

An ectopic pregnancy getting tuned to go to the OR - anyone got a rusty spoon?

One urosepsis - No fuckin clue, but it sounds like he pissed into a gaping wound, then it got septic and now he pisses green out of the wound.  Am I close?  Shoot him in the face for being a perv.

A cop who broke his hand - tell the bastard to stop beating up the neighborhood dogs with his hands, that's what shotguns are for.

One diabetic foot with gas gangrene - chainsaw time.

9 or 10 more that ain't sick - have them watch the chainsaw amputation, they'll shortly thereafter be very sick.

Dr. Balzac signing off.

Quoted: Just checking in before it gets crazy.  OK-- I've got 2 in congestive heart failure, one with a stroke and malignant hypertension, one paraplegic on cocaine whose son broke his jaw because he talks too much, one ectopic pregnancy getting tuned to go to the OR, one urosepsis, a cop who broke his hand, one diabetic foot with gas gangrene, and 9 or 10 more that ain't sick.

ROTFLMFAO!

Sorry thats just great.  Must be the beer.

Full moon tonight!

And a 28-week pregnant woman, no prenatal care, drunk with a kidney infection.  Where's the neuter gun?

Quoted: ... and 9 or 10 more that ain't sick.

Let's see.... one of my favorites, at abt 3 A.M. - "My hair hurts"......
(And I got outta bed for this????)

My alltime favorite from my ER rotation, this young couple comes in, looking all sheepish....
"Can I help you?"
"We need to see the doctor."
"Alright... fill out this form, bring it back when you're done."
A few minutes later they come back up. "So what's the problem?" (So I can classify it in the computer)
They look at one another, mumble something, the girl is changing colors... "Can you speak up?"
"Ummm.... we were messing around, and...um... his, um.. condom came off, and, uh... it got stuck and we can't get it out...."
(This being said right as I took at drink of Pepsi, naturally!) Biting my tongue, "Hold on, let me see if somebody's free...."
 (Sometimes the entertainment is worth the lost sleep...)

Quoted: Full moon tonight!

You ain't kidding. My last night at work I had a 26 year old female in an auto broadsided by a wide load 18 wheeler, a 74 year old hypertensive man being beaten by his 75 year old girlfriend in bed, a guy pistol whipped over a girl who had restraining orders against him, and he'd already done time for raping her, and the whipper tried to flee the scene and was just about to get off porbationary employment in his LE agency. There was 25 year old male who hung himself from a stop sign and a 27 year old bar patron bitten in the face by another guy in a fight. And a raging 70 year old diabetic, who fought us, until we got the sugar in him, then refused to go to the hospital

Quoted: ["Ummm.... we were messing around, and...um... his, um.. condom came off, and, uh... it got stuck and we can't get it out...." (This being said right as I took at drink of Pepsi, naturally!) Biting my tongue, "Hold on, let me see if somebody's free...."  (Sometimes the entertainment is worth the lost sleep...)

Firstly you're lucky you didn't spray soda everywhere.

Secondly, I had the same call when I worked EMS in Brooklyn, but they felt it needed an ambulance to take them to the hospital. The girl asked me if I wanted to try to get it out myself.


Nooooooooooo

Quoted: Firstly you're lucky you didn't spray soda everywhere.

Didn't spray it on them, but did have to mop up some on the desktop....

The girl asked me if I wanted to try to get it out myself. Nooooooooooo

That's why I left so fast! I was half-expecting her to ask me to, and she was pretty scary looking!

When I was in residency I saw a really, really, really, really, stupid woman who came in with a discharge that would peel the wallpaper.  I pulled out a liquified contraceptive sponge.  You know how you see heat waves on the horizon?  They were coming off this thing, I swear.  I asked her how long it had been in there.  She said, "Oh muh Gawd.  About four months."

Now that is nasty!