Well Rainman......for me it has, as I stated, always been a part of my life. At least from about the age of 17 up.
Have you always felt this way?
If not, when did it begin?
When I got divorced from my first wife. She was certifiably bonkers BTW, i went deeply into the same feelings.
You could have burned my house................wait............the bitch took the house.............anyhow......you could have run over my dog in front of me and I'd ahve only said.....yep.......he was a good dog....to bad he's gone and that would have been the end.
My heart would have felt no real pain.
Suppressing the true feelings? Maybe....maybe not.
Dulled by all of lifes bitches, ups and downs and of banging your ahead against the ever increasingly larger wall of insurmountable odds?
Probably so.
I think the recent torment in your life with the kids has really gotten under your skin to the point that the real you has kinda shut down and the new you, intent only on the preservation of self, has kinda taken over in a way.
It is hard to put real feelings into something.......like this woman for example...........when what you deem to be your world is in turmoil around you and you are basically helpless to affect any desired change upon it.
But, like all things in life that are on a cycle, I have always reconciled myself to the knowledge and fact that this to passes.
Don't question yourself or place blame on yourself for not being what you typically think of as right.
Ride with it, keep your head about yourself, take care of your kids, be a good Dad and do not allow yourself to go postal to any degree at all.
It may sound crazy but level headed thinking can be accomplished while in these doldrums.
I do it almost every single day and I still consdier myself to be a happy guy.
I have a gorgeous wife, a great step-son, nice home and nice truck..........no job.......but hey.........thats another story entirely.
It will pass.
If it does not then see your doctor and explain your feelings to him.
If he is worth his salt then he will be able to help you.
And, despite what you think I do know you quite well.
I think I have proven that already.