As many of you know, I am an attorney -- a litigator (aka [Alicia Silverston, Clueless]"That's the scariest type of lawyer"[/clueless).  I've sent out hundreds of discovery requests.  And from here on out I'll look at these evil questionaires in a whole new light.  

Because now I've had to answer a set, perfectly drafted to make me insane, by the lawyer representing the succubus in my divorce case.  (Aside:  What is the man's share of property during a divorce in Colorado? Answer: Whatever falls off the truck as she's driving away).

This is utter hell.  I've just pulled an allnighter going through thousands of pages of documents and pecking out my answers.

Some gems:  (Paraphrased here in the interest of avoiding unecessary use of lawyerese):

*   Identify every single piece of personal property you owned when you got married and PROVE its yours, i.e., prove you did NOT buy it during the marriage.

*   Over the last three years, detail on a weekly basis your cartaking of your minor child.  And prove it, 'cause the succubus says you're lying.    

*   What was your net worth on the date of the marriage.

*   Go dig up every health insurance, life insurance, 401K, IRA, auto insurance, loan application, or other document containing fine print that you've ever touched, looked at, signed, or read over the last 5 years and spend your evening copying the fine print onto your responses.

*   Please box yourself into a corner by detailing the details of your compensation package so that we can make you an indentured servent who can never leave the occupation, even if it subsequently drives you made.  


What a pain in the ASS.

My only solace is that my lawyer did the same thing to her.   And if these guys are anything like most civil litigators, they'll use maybe 1 or 2 precent of this stuff at trial.  

The clock's running, and I feel fine!

Hmmm, maybe I should try a little harder to stay on the wifes good side ... might save a bundle of money and head ache in the long run.

Who the hell keeps those kinds of records in the first place? (other than tax returns)

I'm with ETH on this one.

When my ex admitted to what was going on, I asked her to relocate, I then spent the next month itemizing everything, putting down an assumed value, separated everything into His/Hers/Ours listings, packaged them etc. to get ready.
I made sure that she got 1/2 of everything, including the considerable assets that I had prior to even meeting her.
Only once she agreed to the terms did I even start the legal proceedings.
I was lucky, she did not change her mind and demand more once things got rolling.
For all you single guys out there, do not ever get married without a pre-nupt, no matter how little you have, no matter how much you love her and vice-versa.
The game is rigged if it ever goes south, the odds are that one or both of you will f*ck up, or just get tired of the arrangement, and then the fun begins.
Harsh truth, but it is reality.

You *DO* know why a divorce is so expensive, don't you?

Gonzo..
No possibility she would agree to use an arbitrator, dump both lawyers, and everyone do the right and honorable thing?

[LOLabove]

Sorry, but having gone through a divorce, that kind of cracked me up.

All I would point out to my lawyer friends on this board, is that [u]lawyers[/u] in the legislatures wrote these evil and horrible laws.

We live in evil times.  A woman can just decide, "I'm not very happy.  I think I'll leave".  And then she can clean a man out.  There is nothing the man can do except to try to save a small portion of what he has worked for all his life.

No one wins except the lawyers.  May God pay them back for their evil.

Been there, done that...

The only reason I didn't get fu*ked was because she and her family had more money than me and mine.

I wanted her to go away and she and her family were afraid I would go after their money.  That speaks volumes.  Their paranoia cost me $3,000 in lawyers B.S. (at least she got screwed equally).

there are no winners...

I haven't read this, but I think the picture on the front cover is pretty funny.  The link goes somewhere else, but you can buy the book for about $17 at Amazon.

[url]http://www.phoenixnewtimes.com/extra/dewey/book20.html[/url]

Haha, You can tell that book was printed in "other" times.



The company I work for started doing dependent audits. They canceled my wife's insurance coverage because I never returned the audit form. (never received it in the first place)

because it's worth it?

Isn't that the same as stealing? Explain to me why I shouldn't be as pissed off as I am. Convince me that people like her, and those who let people like her get away with what they do, aren't bottom feeding leech scumbags whom society would be far better off seeing buried to their necks in filth, then slowly pushed under.

standard "canned" discovery response:

Objection.  This interrogatory is not material, not relevant, not likely to lead to the discovery of admissible evidence and is vague and uncomprehensible.  The information being sought is equally available to the party seeking the information.  Furthermore, no predicate has been laid for the admissibility of such information once it has been ascertained and no predicate for whether such would be relevant, material and or admissible at the trial of this matter.  Without waiving any and all objections that may be brought, respondent states that (he/she/it) does not presently have the information being sought at their disposal.  This interrogatory response will be supplemented in accordance with the Court's General Pre-Trial Order and/or any further Order's issued by the Court.

Notice:  The above is for ARF discussion purposes only and it is not intended to be advice from a lawyer nor is it to be considered to have been prepared for (or in) the practice of law.  It is--- simply---- for funzies.

It is a well known fact that once the divorce is mentioned, women no longer possess a conscience. The only thing that is fair is that they get it all and as much as possible from your future earnings.

[img]http://mysite.directlink.net/eruddle/pics/exspouse.gif[/img]

It's gotta work both ways.

We have a winner.

I keep telling her that, but it just doesn't seem to sink in!

I can understand where you are coming from. I've been married 27 years and we can barely stand each other any more. The thing of it is, they loved each other enough at one time to stand before the man and make a pledge. Maybe there is just enough left to conjure up a modicum of civility that would be their mutual best interest, both emotionally and financially.  

I've been "coaching" my wife for years about how it's going to be if and when we get divorced. I won't fight her for anything, and she won't fight me. Yeah, I know that it sounds like I'm living in a fantasy world on this. But I have made her understand that the only person the lawyer is really looking-out for is THEMSELF and that people would save themselves a whole bundle of dough to split if they just kept the lawyers the hell out of it all as much as the law will allow. It's when one or both spouses get greedy (or want to PUNISH) the other that things get bad. Sad thing is, THE LAWYER is THE ONLY winner there. I don't care what these females who want revenge on their fat-slob husbands tell themselves as they walk away with his junk -- she did NOT win anything, THE LAYWER DID.

Who was it that said

"Lawyers are like nuclear weapons. We have to have ours because they have theirs and once either side uses one it fucks up everything"