MERRY CHRISTMAS - BALZAC STYLE!

Site Notices

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - MERRY CHRISTMAS - BALZAC STYLE!

Posted: 12/24/2003 11:04:15 AM EDT

I just wanted to wish all of my friends and Arfcom family a Merry Christmas. Don't forget to add some eggnog and cookies to the STHF stash, just in case Santa lands on the roof and you need him to cover your six through a midnight terrorist attack. Even if he can't shoot, the fat man will provide excellent cover and is just a jolly good human shield!

And now a poem I wrote:

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the compound
Not a creature was stirring, not even a muslim.

The stockings were hung by the generator with care,
In hopes that ST. NICHOLAS soon would be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their NBC suits,
While visions of Bin Laden riddled with bullets danced in their heads.

And mamma in her balaklava, and I in my tac vest,
Had just settled down for a long winter's rest.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed, M1a in hand to see what was the matter.

Away to the porthole I flew like the sound,
Tore open the M203 chamber and threw in a round.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen yet blood redsnow
Gave the luster of mid-day to skeletons below.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I pondered for a moment if it could be St. Nick.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.

"Now, Goatboy! now, Edward! now, Striker and Beekeeper!
On, Hun! on Doublefeed! on, Beerslayer and Paul!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the machinegun nest!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild mushroom cloud fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the compound-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of ammo and grenades, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew down on them, each of their heads was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in marpat, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.

A bundle of nades he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a soldier just opening his rucksack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like bushes, all disguised in camo of dirt and berries!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pork chop he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke of exploded muslims encircled his head like a wreath.

He had a broad face and a sense of deep calm,
He shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of napalm.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old killer,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of the chill.

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
He popped off some caps into the invading Allah’s head.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the heathens with lead;

then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
He flipped them the bird, then up the chimney he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

“Merry Christmas to all,
And to the heathens, GOODNIGHT.”

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

Posted: 12/24/2003 11:21:21 AM EDT

[#1]

[LOL]

Posted: 12/24/2003 11:35:22 AM EDT

[#2]

Nice [:D]

Posted: 12/24/2003 11:39:22 AM EDT

[#3]

Now do the Italian Christmas, Sopranos style. [8D]

Posted: 12/24/2003 11:50:40 AM EDT

[#4]

Quoted:
Now do the Italian Christmas, Sopranos style. [8D]

View Quote

OK:

Twas the night before Christmas,
Da whole house was mella,
Not a creature was stirrin',
Cuz I had a gun unda da pilla.

When up on da roof
I heard somethin' pound,
I sprung to da window,
To scream, "YO! Keep it down!"

When what to my
Wanderin' eyes should appear,
But da Don of all elfs,
And eight friggin' reindeer!

Wit' slicked back black hair,
And a silk red suit,
don Christopher wuz here,
And he brought da loot!

Wit' a slap to dare snouts,
And a yank on dare manes,
He cursed and he shouted,
And he called dem by name.

"Yo Tony, Yo Frankie,
Yo Vinny, Yo Vito,
Ay Joey, Ay Paulie,
Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!"

As I drew out my gun
And hid by da bed,
He flew troo da winda
And slapped me 'side da head.

"What da hell you doin'
Pullin' a gun on da Don?
Now all you're gettin' is coal,
You friggin' moron!"

Den pointin' a fat finga
Right unda my nose,
He twisted his pinky ring,
And up da chimney he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh,
Obscenities screamin',
Away dey all flew,
Before he troo dem a beatin'.

Den I heard him yell out,
What I did least expect,
"Merry Friggin' Christmas to all,
And yous better show some respect!"

Posted: 12/24/2003 11:56:32 AM EDT

[#5]

Sweet!

Posted: 12/24/2003 12:00:17 PM EDT

[#6]

Merry Christmas guys, have a happy and SAFE one! [+]:D]

Posted: 12/24/2003 12:07:46 PM EDT

[#7]

Merry Christmas to you Balzac and thanks for everything. [beer]

Posted: 12/24/2003 12:16:08 PM EDT

[#8]

[i]"What da hell you doin'
Pullin' a gun on da Don?
Now all you're gettin' is coal,
You friggin' moron!"[/i]

[lol]

Posted: 12/24/2003 12:21:29 PM EDT

[#9]

so did santa bring you the gun al pacino used in heat [;)]

Posted: 12/24/2003 1:17:37 PM EDT

[#10]

Merry Christmas Balzac

Thanks for everything this year

Posted: 12/24/2003 1:20:03 PM EDT

[#11]

Ho, ho, ho!

Posted: 12/24/2003 1:30:28 PM EDT

[#12]

that was great! Merry CHRISTMAS all!

Posted: 12/24/2003 1:35:32 PM EDT

[#13]

Nice. Exactly what I'd expect from you, Balzac. [:D]

Posted: 12/24/2003 1:42:44 PM EDT

[#14]

Whats next, one in ebonics?

Posted: 12/24/2003 1:48:33 PM EDT

[#15]

Quoted:
Whats next, one in ebonics?

View Quote

Uh oh, the gauntlet has been thrown down....I'll have to get back to work on that one!

As far as you guys thanking ME, you have it all backwards, I'm thanking you for tolerating me around here! Thank YOU GUYS for past year and thanks for getting me unbanned! (again[;)])

Posted: 12/24/2003 1:52:06 PM EDT

[#16]

[lol] That was great.

Posted: 12/24/2003 1:54:52 PM EDT

[#17]

Merry Christmass
[img]http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-3/141064/santbelt1.jpg[/img]

Posted: 12/24/2003 1:55:53 PM EDT

[#18]

M.C. 2 U, also good sir!

Posted: 12/24/2003 2:25:11 PM EDT

[#19]

That made my day!

Thanks Balzac

Posted: 12/24/2003 2:29:40 PM EDT

[#20]

[rofl2]

Posted: 12/24/2003 2:35:34 PM EDT

[#21]

Merry Christmas!

[img]http://us.f1.yahoofs.com/users/65df62/bc/humor/__sr_/_cid_image011.jpg?phQOo6_AyspyZKSt[/img]

Posted: 12/24/2003 2:36:21 PM EDT

[#22]

I love this place.

[LOL]

Posted: 12/24/2003 2:46:49 PM EDT

[#23]

[ROFL] i always enjoy your posts Balzac, this one is no exception...merry xmas bud.

Posted: 12/24/2003 8:30:54 PM EDT

[#24]

Bump for Santa

Posted: 12/24/2003 8:49:08 PM EDT

[#25]

You know its just not Christmas till you see the Santa Thong [;)]

Posted: 12/24/2003 9:30:07 PM EDT

[#26]

[LOL]

Good Job Balzac!

Posted: 12/24/2003 9:36:54 PM EDT

[#27]

Heheh, that's a good one

Posted: 12/24/2003 9:43:14 PM EDT

[#28]

IBTL

Posted: 12/24/2003 9:50:35 PM EDT

[#29]

Quoted:
Whats next, one in ebonics?

View Quote

You don't want that one posted. I posted one either last year or the year before and it was locked!!!

I can email a copy to whoever wants it though!!![:D]

Posted: 12/25/2003 6:36:29 AM EDT

[#30]

Quoted:

Quoted:
Whats next, one in ebonics?

View Quote

You don't want that one posted. I posted one either last year or the year before and it was locked!!!

I can email a copy to whoever wants it though!!![:D]

View Quote

Email it to me, maybe 1GunRun will get his IBTL Christmas wish![;D]

Posted: 12/25/2003 6:56:05 AM EDT

[#31]

I'll take that E-mail......

Balzac, thank you for a year of wonderfully entertaining posts. May you all have a merry merry and a happy happy!!!

And remember, holiday is actually Holy Day...

Posted: 12/25/2003 7:00:23 AM EDT

[#32]

Balzac- You missed your true calling. Sheer genius!!!

Merry Christmas to all from your resident lead sniffer...

Bob

Posted: 12/25/2003 7:09:25 AM EDT

[#33]

Quoted:
I posted one either last year or the year before and it was locked!!!

I can email a copy to whoever wants it though!!![:D]

View Quote

Greg,

Great Christmas Tale!

Thank you,

Bill H. Farmingdale

----------------------
DSR611,

Email= bill-gard @ att.net

Posted: 12/25/2003 8:18:14 AM EDT

[#34]

Bill, don't forget I still have that subwoofer speaker for you. Its collected an ungodly amount of dust, try to make it this saturday if possible.

Posted: 12/25/2003 4:32:29 PM EDT

[#35]

Quoted:

Quoted:
Whats next, one in ebonics?

View Quote

You don't want that one posted. I posted one either last year or the year before and it was locked!!!

I can email a copy to whoever wants it though!!![:D]

View Quote

YO DOG!

Email your homie bro!
[@:D]

Posted: 12/25/2003 4:53:45 PM EDT

[#36]

Quoted:

Quoted:
Whats next, one in ebonics?

View Quote

You don't want that one posted. I posted one either last year or the year before and it was locked!!!

I can email a copy to whoever wants it though!!![:D]

View Quote

YO DOG!

Email your homie bro!
[@:D]

View Quote

Ooh, ooh, me too! [:D]

sniper_wolfeATar15.com