This morning while I'm out doing errands, I swing by the house for a few minutes. I had left my dog outside when I left, and thought I'd let him in as long as I was there. It's raining and he's standing on the patio, looking at me as I hold open the door for him. Idiot dog refuses to come in out of the rain. After doing the "come on boy" routine for about a minute, while he dances around, shaking his head and snorting, then crouching down swinging his head back and forth, barking at me, I say "fine stay out, stupid", and set my umbrella down, (on the patio, but underneath the second story overhang), leaving it open, and go inside.
I gather up a couple of things, have half a cup of coffee and then leave.
As I step out on the patio, I reach down to grab the handle of my umbrella, and notice that my #&%*@#^(@!%&$*# dog has taken a piss inside the open umbrella.
I could have killed him!!!!! Chased him to the edge of the patio, yelling obscenities, but stopped short of pursuing him into the muddy yard.
Of course, he thought it was great fun. Stupid tard dog!
I'm still mad.

LOL. Thanks man, my day has improved greatly laughing at your misfortune. You will tell this story many time in the future and laugh as well.

That's a damn smart dog.  Wanted you to play with him, and you did (eventually)!

woulda been great if you had swung the umbrella up over yer head to walk out and get him and got pissed on

Looks like he found a way to make you play "chase me", LOL.

Fpr a poch, even negative attention is still attention.

My dog figured out how to open the front door, the door to the food box, and how to escape the invisible electric fence with about a half day worth of probing. Once he figured out where he got the warning beep and the shock he just gathered up the needed amount of speed to get through the shock zone, without a shock.

Selective intelligence.

He still barks his head off at the SAME mail truck, that comes down the SAME street at the SAME time every day.

Go figure.

Geezus!  that is funny!

TRG

Loved the story, but here's how I play "I CAN TOP THAT"....

I own a Boxer.  Boxers are VERY intelligent..this one is no different.  She poops in the house at times...IF she's mad at me.  She knows it ticks me off, so she uses it as a tool.

Well, one cold, snowing morning in the Hoosier land (Indiana for you who didn't know that) (2" or so on the ground) I get up at 0530 and go to let her out the back door.  Normally, I let her stretch the leash out, then I close the door on the handle, so she can't go anywhere, and I CAN go...to the can.  :I

This particular morning, she catches sight of a rabbit.  She shoots after it, Just as I am closing the door on the leash handle.  She ripped my hand through the small gap in the doorjam, and takes the skin off my knuckles in the process.  Needless to say, I dropped the leash handle and off to the woods she went after Mr. Bunny.

I am rather ticked off, and now I'm running through the woods yelling for her, Barefoot and in my underwear (not using very clean language mind you) and all the neighbors are turning their porch lights on to figure out what is happening.  (Most probably figured "Oh, it's Vining running around in his skivies again")  Needless to say, I got ahold of that dog, and drug her back in by her collar, letting her have an ear full the whole way.  She didn't get to 'potty' while she was chasing Mr. Bunny.

So, I go in and get in the shower, and I smell Dog poop.  Figuring she pooped in the bathroom, I got out of the shower, didn't find any poo, looked down the hallway, no poo, checked by the TV and back door (her favorite spots)...NO POO!

I finished my shower, got out, did the other 2 S's and went to get dressed in the bedroom.  I found it!  Yep, Right in the middle of my bed.  Stoopid dog left a pile right on top of my covers.  It's also important to point out that I HAD JUST WASHED MY SHEETS the day before (an occasion in itself).  

My Brother came out of his room to rescue her from me.  Needless to say, she and I had a 'face to face' chat about that one.  Never happened since, though.  ^ If I could only figure out which of us won!

TV

Quoted: Loved the story, but here's how I play "I CAN TOP THAT".... I own a Boxer.  Boxers are VERY intelligent..this one is no different.  She poops in the house at times...IF she's mad at me.  She knows it ticks me off, so she uses it as a tool. Well, one cold, snowing morning in the Hoosier land (Indiana for you who didn't know that) (2" or so on the ground) I get up at 0530 and go to let her out the back door.  Normally, I let her stretch the leash out, then I close the door on the handle, so she can't go anywhere, and I CAN go...to the can.  :I This particular morning, she catches sight of a rabbit.  She shoots after it, Just as I am closing the door on the leash handle.  She ripped my hand through the small gap in the doorjam, and takes the skin off my knuckles in the process.  Needless to say, I dropped the leash handle and off to the woods she went after Mr. Bunny. I am rather ticked off, and now I'm running through the woods yelling for her, Barefoot and in my underwear (not using very clean language mind you) and all the neighbors are turning their porch lights on to figure out what is happening.  (Most probably figured "Oh, it's Vining running around in his skivies again")  Needless to say, I got ahold of that dog, and drug her back in by her collar, letting her have an ear full the whole way.  She didn't get to 'potty' while she was chasing Mr. Bunny. So, I go in and get in the shower, and I smell Dog poop.  Figuring she pooped in the bathroom, I got out of the shower, didn't find any poo, looked down the hallway, no poo, checked by the TV and back door (her favorite spots)...NO POO! I finished my shower, got out, did the other 2 S's and went to get dressed in the bedroom.  I found it!  Yep, Right in the middle of my bed.  Stoopid dog left a pile right on top of my covers.  It's also important to point out that I HAD JUST WASHED MY SHEETS the day before (an occasion in itself).   My Brother came out of his room to rescue her from me.  Needless to say, she and I had a 'face to face' chat about that one.  Never happened since, though.  ^ If I could only figure out which of us won! TV

what a bitch

Funny! Damn, you've been here almost 2 years and this is your first post.

Quoted: Funny! Damn, you've been here almost 2 years and this is your first post.

whoa

What can I say...Buddy got me hooked on the old "MALL NINJA" string, and I registered...Havn't had time with my job to write much.

TV  ^

Quoted: Loved the story, but here's how I play "I CAN TOP THAT".... I own a Boxer.  Boxers are VERY intelligent..this one is no different.  She poops in the house at times...IF she's mad at me.  She knows it ticks me off, so she uses it as a tool. Well, one cold, snowing morning in the Hoosier land (Indiana for you who didn't know that) (2" or so on the ground) I get up at 0530 and go to let her out the back door.  Normally, I let her stretch the leash out, then I close the door on the handle, so she can't go anywhere, and I CAN go...to the can.  :I This particular morning, she catches sight of a rabbit.  She shoots after it, Just as I am closing the door on the leash handle.  She ripped my hand through the small gap in the doorjam, and takes the skin off my knuckles in the process.  Needless to say, I dropped the leash handle and off to the woods she went after Mr. Bunny. I am rather ticked off, and now I'm running through the woods yelling for her, Barefoot and in my underwear (not using very clean language mind you) and all the neighbors are turning their porch lights on to figure out what is happening.  (Most probably figured "Oh, it's Vining running around in his skivies again")  Needless to say, I got ahold of that dog, and drug her back in by her collar, letting her have an ear full the whole way.  She didn't get to 'potty' while she was chasing Mr. Bunny. So, I go in and get in the shower, and I smell Dog poop.  Figuring she pooped in the bathroom, I got out of the shower, didn't find any poo, looked down the hallway, no poo, checked by the TV and back door (her favorite spots)...NO POO! I finished my shower, got out, did the other 2 S's and went to get dressed in the bedroom.  I found it!  Yep, Right in the middle of my bed.  Stoopid dog left a pile right on top of my covers.  It's also important to point out that I HAD JUST WASHED MY SHEETS the day before (an occasion in itself).   My Brother came out of his room to rescue her from me.  Needless to say, she and I had a 'face to face' chat about that one.  Never happened since, though.  ^ If I could only figure out which of us won! TV

I also own a boxer.  Good story.

TRG

You let a dog in the house?

BigDozer66

hahaahaa, youre dog owned you

Quoted: You let a dog in the house? BigDozer66

Yeah...why?

TRG

Sounds like a very smart dog to me. (not a tard)
Dog comes in out of the rain (on porch)
Dog needs to pee so doen't come into house where it knows not to pee.
Dog is smart enough to not pee on the floor so it pees in umbrella.

Not a dumb dog at all, sounds like you have a very smart dog.

Quoted: woulda been great if you had swung the umbrella up over yer head to walk out and get him and got pissed on

My thoughts exactly.

It's wierd hearing these stories. I have a Pit that would hold "it" until her bladder popped before she would go in the house. She always trys to be good. I have a cat that pees down the drain of the sink and the tub in the bathroom if you are in there sitting on the toilet. She puts it right down the drain. Our vet didn't believe us when we told him. She's a pretty strange cat. She understands plumbing.

Quoted: I have a cat that pees down the drain of the sink and the tub in the bathroom

Think the cat learned it from watching it's owner?

Quoted: Quoted: You let a dog in the house? BigDozer66 Yeah...why? TRG

Because they stink most of the time.
They shed hair on the floor.
The pee on the floor.
They jump on the furniture.
They crap on your bed!
They might have fleas.
They stink most of the time.
They might pee on the floor even if they are not trying to pee.

The only dogs that should ever be let in the house are poodle's and chihuahua's!

Disclaimer:
Poodle's and Chihuahua's are not dogs as they serve no useful purpose.

Big(LetTheDogsStayOutside!)Dozer66