Found this gem today:

...mid twenties, bbw?, tattoos, submissive, poly, kinky, on birth control. i work the usual Monday to Friday job normally so usually have time on the weekends but after work weekdays occasionally. I like dogs, beer, games, food, sex, sci-fi and comedies, hiking/backpacking /camping and playing pokemon go. see my post history for NSFW pics. looking for a date and chill sex partner. I do not like making out. I prefer beards.
Requirements: must be able to host. clean (like hygiene without smelling like axe) ddfree, fairly well endowed, respectful, She Comes First attitude, sex positive, dominant...

What a catch. Theres so much wrong with that profile.

TLDR; Fat slut seeks guy with house, beard and big dick.

She will have 100 dates with members here in the next hour.

I'm certain she has dozen of matches hitting her up. Even though some of her requirements are contrary to other requirements.

came to post this.....

She's a real winner, I'm glad I'm married and not using tinder or some other BS for meeting weirdos

I got a house and a beard, 2 outta 3 ain't bad, right?

lets break it down
...mid twenties(25), btw?(FAT), tattoos(Dirty Inkie), submissive(I Read 50-Shades of Gray), poly(Wants to sleep with other people on HER terms), kinky(Read 50-Shades of Gray) on birth control(Parents had her implanted). i work the usual Monday to Friday job(Starbucks) normally so usually have time on the weekends but after work weekdays occasionally. I like dogs(Hot dogs), beer(coors light), games(Pokemon), food(Taco Bell), sex(Because they buy me food first), sci-fi(star trek) and comedies(Parks and Recreation), hiking/backpacking /camping(I've never actually gone or i wouldn't be so fat) and playing pokemon go. see my post history for NSFW pics. looking for a date and chill sex partner. I do not like making out(Because deep down i know how unattractive i am). I prefer beards.
Requirements: must be able to host(I live with my parents). clean, ddfree, fairly well endowed(because you gotta get through two inches of fat first. you'll need 8 to give me 6.), respectful(white knights only), She Comes First attitude(Because i just lay there), sex positive, dominant(I Read 50-Shades of Gray)..

what does "ddfree" mean

Disease Free?

Drug and disease free.

She fucked it up though. its just "DDF" Drug & Disease Free.  Not "ddfree"

Me, 40 something single male with his shit together. You, (desired age) hot mess who can't figure out where your life is going and looking for a man to give you some direction. Hell, lets be honest, you're looking for a man to be a man because you have no ambition or drive beyond landing a provider. If we're really being honest you don't really care how I look, or if I treat you like shit, so long as I can fund the lifestyle you desire. So let's face the facts, I bring a future of security and comfort to the relationship, you bring a hot piece of ass. You are trading your hot piece of ass for the stability and security I can provide. Now that we have that out in the open and understood, let me explain what is expected of youYou are to dress and act in a way to give my friends raging boners.You are not to touch my friends under any circumstances, just remind them what they wish they had and who you belong to.If you get my friends' wives or girlfriends aroused, and they are hot, you are allowed to fuck them so long as you provide video to me.You are to think of yourself as Jeanie, and when I let you out of the bottle you better be dressed in your harem outfit and ready to grant my wishes.You are to maintain your appearance, me not so much. Remember you brought ass to the table, I brought sustenance. You can give me shit when and if I can't pay the bills, until than your job is to be an 11.Don't bother me about kids, I only want a dog.You don't like my gun collection, tough shit, I owned it before I owned you... And it will be here long after I trade you in for two twenty year olds on your 40th birthday.That should give us enough to talk about on our interview, I mean date. Dress to impress, and remember you are more likely to get the job if you sleep with this BOSS on our first date"Let me know how that works... No charge!


not mine,but i've used it with results

Damn....1 out of 3 for me...

OK I laughed

I think Arizona has more to do with you not being able to find a good gal than anything else.

I spent a total of about a month in Tempe for business and the general consensus was that everyone I met wasn't from AZ. All transplants.

I rarely see fats out camping/hiking but plenty played Pokémon until their Rascal Batteries got low.

honesty in advertising.

You're lucky if the lady you find online doesn't happen to have a dick or 4 kids that she wants you to raise. I'm glad I'm not dating anymore.

Its a lot of fun actually. But Im not looking for relationship material. its rare i keep one around more than three weeks and theres a rotation of new prospects being brought in as I break it off with those I've become bored with.

Is this code for something?

I get the idea that you'd be cooking and hosting a dinner party, but 20something slang confuses the shit out of me.

She likes to fuck, but not kiss,  She sounds like a winner

GD dream girl. 

Ive been on a fatty streak lately with the online dating. Not that I prefer fatties and I certainly wasn't seeking out fatties but the last few ladies I had a connection with happened to be big girls.

Fatties are OK, I mean, anywhere you grab feels like boob so that's nice. They usually feed you which I like and they will typically try harder and be willing to do weirder stuff in the bedroom.

It means she lives with her parents, husband/boyfriend or roommates so she can't fuck at her house. you gotta have a house or apartment or spring for a hotel (though cars are still a thing).

how are you going to be a big bitch and then want hygiene as a priority

all fat bitches stink within hours of a shower

How do you self identify as a both a sub and poly with a she comes first attitude? um, no. You will have sex with your dom or other people your dom tells you to have sex with. which is pretty much the opposite of a female lead poly relationship.

a former neighbor had worked for an entertainment billionaire who used to do interviews for girlfriends. He would have about 5 limo'ed in on the hour a couple of times a year; if he liked them a lawyer presented them with a contract to sign that laid some stuff out, and he'd keep her around for about 6 months.

I met a very pretty blonde like that back in the 90s. I broke off contact with her when she said that, because I think that a dislike of intimacy is just creepy.

Moody loner with assault rifle collection seeks DTF female with bunker.  Must post pics of bunker.

her pics show she is right in my wheel house. wood smash, if i wasn't married.

plus reddit doesn't seem to be the place i would be looking for anything long term.

I don't really like, "needy women."

Aloha, Mark

There's a sig line for the taking!

Bravo sir!

Ive been doing hooking up online and with smartphone apps for a year and a half. You learn to read between the lines.

I laughed

There are tons of them.


Avoid at all costs.

Hard pass. She sounds useless and boring.

My guess was " Dick disease free"  

Link to NSFW pics?


Eta never mind she's fucking gross. No way she has ever hiked a step in her life