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Posted: 7/1/2003 6:28:16 AM EDT
[#1]
Dry or juicy?
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Posted: 7/1/2003 6:33:08 AM EDT
[#2]
Quoted: Dry or juicy? Look at his name, then you tell me. |
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Posted: 7/1/2003 6:35:38 AM EDT
[#3]
If by juicy you mean some crap leaked out when you where farting, then I don't know if that counts or not. Maybe I should add a poll.
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Posted: 7/1/2003 6:46:14 AM EDT
[#4]
Quoted: Maybe I should add a poll. Or, maybe not. [puke] When I was younger I farted as I was running.....that seemed like it lasted forever. [%|] |
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Posted: 7/1/2003 6:52:46 AM EDT
[#5]
On the pot with luggage, or a pristine blast with nothing but gas?
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Posted: 7/1/2003 8:10:19 AM EDT
[#6]
Did not time my fart but there was this time that I ate 3.5lbs of Bing Cherries at one sitting. The next 3 days were pretty painfull.
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Posted: 7/1/2003 8:15:30 AM EDT
[#7]
On the pot with luggage, or a pristine blast with nothing but gas? [ROFL2] You owe me a keyboard! Thank God it was only coffee. |
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Posted: 7/1/2003 8:17:29 AM EDT
[#8]
Are farts supposed to be hot and wet?
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Posted: 7/1/2003 9:07:55 AM EDT
[#9]
[img]http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/ap/20030630/capt.1056966585.spain_rolling_stones_mad804.jpg[/img]
That's a guilty look if I ever saw one... "Cool Bro" behind him hasn't caught a wiff yet... |
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Posted: 7/1/2003 9:23:03 AM EDT
[#10]
how long have you been waiting to use that picture?
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Posted: 7/1/2003 9:50:37 AM EDT
[#11]
I would guess literally around a minute. I ate 4-5 bean burritos, the [b]cheap[/b] kind (like 5/$1 at safeway), and went to sleep. Must have been sleeping in some way that it kept the gas inside because I woke up in pain and had gas that felt like it was "locked" inside me. Like that feeling you get if you take a big breath and it just holds itself with the air pressure. Well I squeezed one out and that was enough to get it going. I could literally feel my intestines getting smaller. After the initial long one they kept going at high frequency for hours.
That is too much information I know. [:D] |
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Posted: 7/1/2003 9:56:06 AM EDT
[#12]
Quoted: I would guess literally around a minute. I ate 4-5 bean burritos, the [b]cheap[/b] kind (like 5/$1 at safeway), and went to sleep. Must have been sleeping in some way that it kept the gas inside because I woke up in pain and had gas that felt like it was "locked" inside me. Like that feeling you get if you take a big breath and it just holds itself with the air pressure. Well I squeezed one out and that was enough to get it going. I could literally feel my intestines getting smaller. After the initial long one they kept going at high frequency for hours. That is too much information I know. [:D] [LOL] |
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Posted: 7/1/2003 10:06:23 AM EDT
[#13]
Amateurs!!!....
[url]http://www.mrmethane.com/html/frameset.html[/url] [url]http://www.mrmethane.com/contact/realvid/danube.rm[/url] |
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Posted: 7/1/2003 10:08:16 AM EDT
[#14]
Cheesecake gives me gas
Coffee gives me gas i love both generally never have em together... Well one time on a date we went to the cheesecake factory I ordered some dutch apple cheesecake and an irish coffee... we went back to her place to get some loving... While making out thats when it hit and thinking it was only temporary i ran to the bathroom. The first one was a wettie the second one was smooth but really lasted damn near one whole breath! after that i said goodnight and just hopped in the car and farted my way home... They're must be a way to salvage farts to use for fuel.. |
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Posted: 7/1/2003 10:12:56 AM EDT
[#15]
Well boys, Maltitol or Giardia will tear some canvas let me tell ya. I'd have to say a good 45 seconds on Maltitol. Minute and a half with the parasites. USE YOUR HALIZONE!!!!!! Maltitol a new sugar free sweetener for all you Atkins people. The new Russle Stover Sugar Free Pecan Clusters, or FAE Cluster bombs as I calls em, will ripen up anybody's day. Eat about 4 right way. Eat 8 and you'll need a good book and soft toilet paper, it can have a "laxative" effective.
Eat 20 and you're a weapon of ass destruction. |
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Posted: 7/1/2003 10:20:50 AM EDT
[#16]
Quoted: how long have you been waiting to use that picture? Not long, it was one of today's "Pics in the News" --RR |
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Posted: 7/1/2003 10:30:42 AM EDT
[#17]
IBTL
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Posted: 7/1/2003 10:36:08 AM EDT
[#18]
I'm ripping one right now.
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Posted: 7/1/2003 10:36:49 AM EDT
[#19]
11 seconds !
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Posted: 7/1/2003 10:56:10 AM EDT
[#20]
Quoted: I would guess literally around a minute. I ate 4-5 bean burritos, the [b]cheap[/b] kind (like 5/$1 at safeway)... [shock] I bet that was messy. |
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Posted: 7/1/2003 11:10:42 AM EDT
[#21]
At this one place I worked at I had to hold back Taco Bell generated gas for 4 hours straight because there were too many womenz around. Anyone that has done that knows that it is like putting money in a savings account, it gains interest. When I finally got to a bathroom and released I think I got the bends from explosive decompression when my entire large intestine deflated. There was a single projectile that must of had a 300fps muzzle velocity because I got splashed pretty good when it hit the water.
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Posted: 7/1/2003 11:13:37 AM EDT
[#22]
one of my families favorite "home cooked meals" is red beans and rice. my dad often makes a huge pot and let me tell you that the first set of flatulence after the first bowl is extrordinary. they are the long whispery dry ones that sound like air flowing over a manhole. usually these last for a good 10 seconds only to be eclipsed by the next rush of warm breeze over the dung-hole.
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Posted: 7/1/2003 11:50:31 AM EDT
[#23]
Quoted: At this one place I worked at I had to hold back Taco Bell generated gas for 4 hours straight because there were too many womenz around. Anyone that has done that knows that it is like putting money in a savings account, it gains interest. When I finally got to a bathroom and released I think I got the bends from explosive decompression when my entire large intestine deflated. There was a single projectile that must of had a 300fps muzzle velocity because I got splashed pretty good when it hit the water. [LOL] That whole story is punchline. |
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Posted: 7/1/2003 12:02:05 PM EDT
[#24]
You guys had me laughing so hard I realized I was farting everytime I laughed.[ROFL2]
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Posted: 7/1/2003 12:06:53 PM EDT
[#25]
I have chrouns disease, you really don't want to know.
Let's just say I have a standing job offer from the power company and I never stand too close to camp fires. |
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Posted: 7/1/2003 12:07:37 PM EDT
[#26]
On a side note, does anyone else laugh at there own farts??? I crack myself up sometimes, especially when I scare the dog.
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Posted: 7/1/2003 12:17:54 PM EDT
[#27]
Growing up, we had probably the smartest dog I have ever seen (and I'm not just saying that because it was my dog).
Anyways, my brother and I were little kids and we thought it was funny to squat over the dog and fart on her face. My brother especially, since he always farted more than I did. One time, my bro and I were watching TV and the dog runs down the hallway from the other side of the house. She runs to my brother and bumps her hindquarters against him a few times (like a cat rubbing your leg). Then she ran away. Turned out she left a little "present" for us--a really rank-smelling doggie fart! I will never forget that! There are many other stories about that dog, but that's one of the funniest. -Nick Viejo. |
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Posted: 7/1/2003 12:30:35 PM EDT
[#28]
Quoted: Anyways, my brother and I were little kids and we thought it was funny to squat over the dog and fart on her face... When you were a little kid??? Hell, I still fart on my dog! Someone please call the ASPCA and PETA! When my dog farts, he looks all around the room, like "who the hell did that???" Yeah buddy, it's just you and me in here... |
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Posted: 7/1/2003 12:58:31 PM EDT
[#29]
Dog! Heck I do my kids like that! [fart]
And yea, I laugh at my own farts..... It's usually how the wife can tell I cut one..... When I just bust out laughing for no reason! I wonder if farting contributes to the demise of the Ozone layer? |
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Posted: 7/1/2003 4:23:00 PM EDT
[#30]
In feet or miles?
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Posted: 7/1/2003 5:05:53 PM EDT
[#31]
I save my high octane emulsifier for good ol fashioned "Dutch Oven" fun with the ol lady.[fart]
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Posted: 7/1/2003 5:29:11 PM EDT
[#32]
A five gallon batch of Pinto beans, made from a bag that have been sitting on the shelf for several months, and NOT presoaked overnight before cooking, marks the beginning of the wind at the end.
The weather is hot, dry, and WINDY. It's not so much that any one fart is of great duration, it's that you don't have to wait long before the next five second flutterblast comes roaring through the valley. Gotta be careful, though, because there's always a 30 percent chance of splattered showers. My best farts undoubtedly occur in the morning in the bathroom, usually in the shower. I've had some that caused my own jaw to drop in awe. Thirty seconds of continuous rumble, with my asscheeks vibrating the whole time. I often wish I had a tape recorder on hand to catch those morning poofs and send them to some websites where those things are invited. CJ |
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Posted: 7/1/2003 5:36:54 PM EDT
[#33]
'bout 4 feet - it was purty ugly, you wouldn't want to have been there....
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Posted: 7/1/2003 6:02:06 PM EDT
[#34]
My dog scares the shit out of herself when she farts. It's very funny; she farts, jumps and looks at her ass like "WTF was that?!"
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Posted: 7/1/2003 6:06:18 PM EDT
[#35]
... and to think, it was suggested that GD was at the end of its usefulness!
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Posted: 7/1/2003 6:56:46 PM EDT
[#36]
Quoted: ... and to think, it was suggested that GD was at the end of its usefulness! Hell if that's all it takes to keep the GD alive I'll post a topic like this every day! |
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Posted: 7/2/2003 4:34:23 AM EDT
[#37]
This thread has me in tears!!!
[LOL][LOL][LOL][LOL] I like positioning myself just right so that they resonate off the wood chair I have at my desk. My girlfriend looks at me in utter horror. Of course, nothing beats the old "lifting the leg" trick for pure sound volume. Fly Navy |
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Posted: 7/2/2003 4:58:49 AM EDT
[#38]
Used to work in a small munitions control room with a bunch of hard drinking, heavy junk food eating AMMO troops. These guys were proud of the intensity and duration they could let rip. When one of the guys would tell you he had a "kiss" for you, you knew it was time to flee in panic. After a few days, we finally had to set some up rules about farting conduct. Kinda hard to do your job when the room is being cleared by somebody every 30 minutes or so.
Just down the hall was the AMMO accountability office, which was generally manned by non-AMMO troops and thus mostly weenies and dickheads. Their NCOIC was a real pain in the ass and we knicknamed him Inspector Gadget because he looked and talked like the cartoon character of the same name. Anyway, he was a constant complainer and whiner so we killed two birds with one stone by getting together and collectively deciding to rid ourselves of any excess gas in his office. Whenever one of us felt the need to expel, we would mosey into their office, ask a stupid question to justify our presence, let a stealthy silent one rip and then leave. Back in the control room it was back slaps and high fives for a couple of days until they finally caught on and banned our presence in their office. |
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Posted: 7/2/2003 5:10:44 AM EDT
[#39]
I like it when I have a couple or 3 bowls of soup beans with quartered onions and after a few hours of 'brewing' in the ol oven, catch the wife asleep, rack off a good one, and cap the covers over her head and hold it there until the fog clears! She just LOVES that one!
[fart] |
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Posted: 7/2/2003 5:32:37 AM EDT
[#40]
Well gentlemen, since reading this post I have done the following...
1-Spewed coffee on my monitor and keyboard 2-Cried 3-Blew a snot bubble out of nose 4-Realized that farting is one of the FUNNIEST things in life! Anyone who argues with this notion needs to lighten up! I could write a book about flatulence throughout my life. I will tell only two stories. The rest will be in my book! When we were in high school we would all sit around watching American XXXstacy. (Yep, you've done it too!) We had this Nerf ball that seemed to always materialize during our viewing sessions. We would squeeze it and hold it next to our ass and fart. All the fart would be absorbed in the ball. We would then throw it at one of our buds who would be totally engrossed in viewing pleasure. When the ball would hit them, preferably in the face, all the fart would "puff" out. It was like you could fart in someones mouth from 20 feet away! The other story involves 2 of my cousins who were truly blessed with the ability to fart at will. We were at my grandparents house. They had one of those contraptions for back patients that you strapped your ankles in and turned yourself upside down. One of my cousins strapped himself in and was hanging upside down vertically when his older brother came over, squatted about an inch from his face and let out a big ol' "Thanksgiving Day Fart". The victim was totally immobile. I'm laughing as hard now as I did when I witnessed this scene! |
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Posted: 7/2/2003 5:59:09 AM EDT
[#41]
Quoted: ... and to think, it was suggested that GD was at the end of its usefulness! I know...what the hell was I thinking? |
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Posted: 7/2/2003 6:03:16 AM EDT
[#42]
Quoted: Quoted: I would guess literally around a minute. I ate 4-5 bean burritos, the [b]cheap[/b] kind (like 5/$1 at safeway)... [shock] I bet that was messy. Yeah that's one of those that you're scraping and cleaning the entire inside of the toilet. |
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Posted: 7/2/2003 6:19:03 AM EDT
[#43]
If I eat to many tomatoes my farts stink like I ate the ass out of a skunk.
They also burn really bad. Its to the point now were my wife will stop me in public if I start eating tomatoes. |
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