1.Two Palestinian girls are walking down Jerusalem high street in their flowing gowns.
One turns to the other and says, "Does my bomb look big in this ?"


2.Little Billy goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
Billy says " Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little BILLY, that's a mouthful." Little Billy says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."


3.After days in the wilderness Paddy and Mick stumble into a bar in the wild west and ask for two beers. Unfortunately they've got no money and the barman won't give them credit. Just then a bloke walks in with a Red Indian's scalp on his belt. The barman shakes his head and says,"I hate Indians. Last week the bastards burnt my barn to the ground, raped my wife and killed my children. If any man brings me the scalp of a Red Indian I will give them 1,000 dollars."
The two Irishmen look at each other and then go off to find a Red Indian...
later that day they see one, and Mick throws a stone which hits the Red Indian on the head. The Indian falls off his horse but lands 70ft down a ravine. Paddy and Mick dash down into the ravine where Paddy starts scalping the Indian.
Suddenly Mick says,"Paddy look at this...."
Paddy says,"In a minute."
"No, look at this....,"says Mick.
"No, can't ya see i'm fookin busy....."
Mick grabs hold of him and Paddy looks up and sees 5,000 Indians standing at the top of the ravine.

"Fook me," says Paddy, "we're gonna be millionaires."

[LOLabove] (#3)

Here's my favorite:
One day a new student arrives in Johnny's 5th grade class.  The new kid is Japanese.  After introducing the Japanese kid, the teacher starts the history lesson.  "Class, who can tell me who said 'Give me liberty or give me death'?"  After a long silence the Japanese kid says "Patrick Henry, in 1776."  The teacher says "Very good!  And who can tell me whos said 'I regret that I have but one life to give for my country'?".  After another long silence the Japanese kid says "Nathan Hale, in 1777."  The teacher says "Very good.  However, class, I must say that you should all be ashamed that a Japanese boy knows more about U.S. history than you do!"  Then an unidentified voice from the back says "Fuck the Japs!"  And the teacher says "Who said that?"  To which Johnny replies "Harry Truman, 1945!"