Here is my take on Star Trek.
I wish they would make a series based on a lone deap space freighter. This guy spends so much time alone, he has long hair, a scruffy beard, and bad teeth. He's thin. He wears glasses. He chain smokes from an ancient stash of Pell Mells unfiltered. He drinks at least a six pack of Genesee Cream Ale a day (Jenny Screamers). When he is not drinking, and even when he does, he looks at porn. The good stuff from the 1970's, 80's, and 90's. You might say he is addicted to cheep beer, cigarettes, and porn. He swears to himself constantly. Usually a lot of f*** this and f*** that followed by "man." He also has other bad habits when he can get it. There are roaches in all his ash trays as well as on the floor. He is also a persistant and chronic mastrabator. The star frieghter is a complete mess, inside and out. It needs serious maintenance most of time. Half of every thing is down.
One day, when this guy is travelling near the Delta Quad, he is over taken by the Borg.
"WE ARE THE BORG. YOUR UNIQUENESS WILL BE ADDED TO THE COLLECTIVE. LOWER YOUR SHIELDS AND SURRENDER. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE."
"Yeah yeah, what the f*** man. I'm unarmed so f*** you man!"
"RESISTANCE IS FUTILE."
"You guys are assholes. Just f***ing come on over and take whatever the f*** what you want man. Just f***ing let me finsh my f***ing beer and f***ing cigarettes man."
"YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED."
"Yeah, bite me. F***ing asshole machine f***s."
They come onboard and start the assimilation process.
"HEY! F*** YOU MAN! Watch it with those f***ing pointy things man!"
They inject the nanoprobs into his neck.
"Wow man! What a f***ing rush!"
Months later:
"What is it Number One?"
"Borg sir. Long range scanners just found them."
"What is there heading?"
"Their current course brings them right to us."
"They are picking up speed."
"They want a confrontation? We'll give them one! Red Alert! Battle Stations! Arm all phazer banks and quantum topedo bays. Maximum spread!"
"Aye aye! Captain!"
"Sir, they are hailing us. They have a visual."
"Hmmmm... that's unusual. Put them on."
A visual is displayed showing a borg on screan. He is unshaven, baggy eyed, and smoking a cigarette. Behind him one can see the absolute mess the ship is. Garbage on the floor, lots of cigarrete butts, beer bottles, magezines, and other assorted junk. It appears some of the borg behind the speaker are watching old porno avi's on a consol. One appears to be jibbling his johnson. Another appears to be rolling a blunt.
"Yeah...uhhh...yeah man. WE ARE THE BORG. LOWER YOUR SHIELDS AND SURRENDER YOUR BEER, CIGARETTES, AND PORN."
"Ummm...you forgot to say, resistance is futile, man."
"F*** YOU MAN! JUST F*** YOU! WHO IS IN CHARGE HERE?"
"Man, I'm Just tryin' to help, you f***ing asshole!"
"ED, JUST SHUT THE F*** UP MAN. JUST SHUT THE F*** UP! I AM TIRED OF YOUR F***ING BULLS***!"
"Man, you don't have to so f***ing hostile man. Prick!"
It goes down hill from here.
Bilster