Having a hard time dealing with the expected loss of a family member

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[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Having a hard time dealing with the expected loss of a family member

Posted: 9/2/2015 12:13:15 PM EDT

My brother and his SO have a baby boy due in December. Due to a growing number of health problems the DRs are telling everyone to expect the worse if he even makes it to birth. My mom, brother and his SO are having a hard time with all of this and I'm worried about my brother. Has anyone else had to go through a horrible situation like this?

Posted: 9/2/2015 12:15:23 PM EDT

[#1]

Sorry about your brother and hopefully things improve somehow. Sorry I don't have anything else useful to add but wishes for the best.

Posted: 9/2/2015 12:21:59 PM EDT

[#2]

Quote History

Quoted:
Sorry about your brother and hopefully things improve somehow. Sorry I don't have anything else useful to add but wishes for the best.

View Quote

Same here.
Your family has my sympathy.

Posted: 9/2/2015 12:25:47 PM EDT

[#3]

One moment at a time OP.

There are no answers or words that can really help with the pain.
Time is the only true help - time spent with family, together helping to hold each other up.

A.W.D.

Posted: 9/2/2015 12:28:32 PM EDT

[#4]

So sorry for your brother and all your family. It's especially harder when it deals with a child.

Posted: 9/2/2015 12:35:43 PM EDT

[#5]

be there to support each other and don"t always believe in the worst case scenario,only hope for the best ,miracles do happen

Posted: 9/2/2015 12:43:17 PM EDT

[#6]

So who is sick? Your brother or unborn nephew???

Posted: 9/2/2015 12:46:43 PM EDT

[#7]

I have a Nephew and his wife who had a baby 4 years ago. The Doctors had them terrified of the potential problems due to some bloodwork, ultrasounds, etc...

Worried them until the birth. She gave birth to a healthy baby boy.

Posted: 9/2/2015 12:53:51 PM EDT

[#8]

I have been through the sudden loss of a baby in the womb (6 weeks prior to delivery), best advice I can give you is to do what ever you can to be there for your bro, and his family.

Losing one of your own is easily the most painful thing a person can go through, and I pray everyday that mothers and fathers around the world never meet that pain.

Do what ever you can to make the stress of everyday life easier for them. Mow their yard, help out with some chores, bring them some food so they don't have to cook, and if they have to make final arrangements for their child hold them tight and cry with them.

They will need you more than they know.

Posted: 9/2/2015 12:56:04 PM EDT

[#9]

had a friend have a baby with anencephaly
you know early on and then carry this baby full term knowing it may live for seconds or hours or a day or two
its devastating

nothing you say or do can help the situation and the helplessness is overwhelming
all I can say is be there for them.

I dont know your situation OP
but I hope for the best
many parents get horrible news and go on to deliver healthy babies

Posted: 9/2/2015 1:05:09 PM EDT

[#10]

I had a close friend whose wife was pregnant find out the baby had severe spina biffida.
She lost the baby late 3rd trimester. Horrible time for them, but as said time heals some wounds
a little bit.

I have no words except I will keep your brother and his family in my family's thoughts and prayers

Posted: 9/2/2015 1:05:30 PM EDT

[#11]

Going through a very similar situation right now. 7 month old baby in the family with serious issues that may or may not be surmountable. The unknown future is tough to take, so you have to take it one step, one moment, one day at a time. The only thing you can do is take it as it comes. I rely on God to work it out, and pray for the people who are truly struggling with the situation. Prayer can carry an enormous burden, so I say give it to God. Prayers out to you and yours.

Posted: 9/2/2015 1:07:20 PM EDT

[#12]

Quote History

Quoted:
So who is sick? Your brother or unborn nephew???

View Quote

Unborn nephew. Heart problems, something in his brain, arms and legs aren't developing right , and other problems.

Posted: 9/2/2015 1:18:54 PM EDT

[#13]

I know it's horrible for all sides, but....

Your brother needs to suck it up the best he can and absolutely worship the ground his wife walks on. When something is wrong pre-birth, women think there's something wrong with them and they blame themselves for everything happening. My wife had a very early miscarriage; she tore herself down to nothing blaming herself. Everything I said or did trying to make it "better" made her more upset and more pissed off until I said, "baby, it isn't your fault, there's nothing wrong with your body". I thought I wasn't showing enough emotion while trying to be her rock, but when I showed emotion, it made her worse. Going through a miscarriage will change a woman forever.

Posted: 9/2/2015 1:27:05 PM EDT

[#14]

My brother went through something similar. His twin boys were born 2 weeks from viability. They lived an hour in their parents arms. When I got the text I wept. It was truly heartbreaking, and my heart ached for my brother and sister-in-law.

What helped my brother was his faith in God. He knew his children were in heaven, and when we talked about it I smiled because I could see in my minds eye his little ones playing with the little one I lost.

I don't know if this helps, but your family is my prayers OP, and PM me if you need anything.

Posted: 9/2/2015 1:35:09 PM EDT

[#15]

We lost our grandson a month ago. Healthy happy 3.5 month old and just gone; went down for a nap, stopped breathing.

Sucks

Posted: 9/2/2015 1:40:11 PM EDT

[#16]

Quoted:
My brother and his SO have a baby boy due in December. Due to a growing number of health problems the DRs are telling everyone to expect the worse if he even makes it to birth. My mom, brother and his SO are having a hard time with all of this and I'm worried about my brother. Has anyone else had to go through a horrible situation like this?

View Quote

Not from this end of the age curve, no. I can say that knowing that my mom would die from COPD complications didn't ease a damn thing when it happened.

I'm sorry for your pain. :(

Posted: 9/2/2015 1:41:54 PM EDT

[#17]

Quote History

Quoted:
I know it's horrible for all sides, but....

Your brother needs to suck it up the best he can and absolutely worship the ground his wife walks on. When something is wrong pre-birth, women think there's something wrong with them and they blame themselves for everything happening. My wife had a very early miscarriage; she tore herself down to nothing blaming herself. Everything I said or did trying to make it "better" made her more upset and more pissed off until I said, "baby, it isn't your fault, there's nothing wrong with your body". I thought I wasn't showing enough emotion while trying to be her rock, but when I showed emotion, it made her worse. Going through a miscarriage will change a woman forever.

View Quote

Absolutely this.

When my wife was pregnant with our second child we had to go in early due to a possible miscarriage, by the grace of god that was not the case and she was fine. But fast forward 2 months and the doctors told us that they detected a spot on the brain and to be prepared for a possible brain defect. It was one of the hardest times in our marriage. Miraculously the spot disappeared and we have a healthy/happy 2 year old.

Posted: 9/2/2015 1:49:29 PM EDT

[#18]

Recently, Doctors were telling my cousin his unborn child's heart was messed up, they'd have to perform heart surgery after it's born and it would need heart surgery frequently throughout its life. It was born perfectly healthy, no surgeries needed.

Posted: 9/2/2015 8:23:20 PM EDT

[#19]

Quote History

Quoted:
We lost our grandson a month ago. Healthy happy 3.5 month old and just gone; went down for a nap, stopped breathing.

Sucks

View Quote

Sorry to hear :( Cant imagine what your family is going through.

Posted: 9/2/2015 8:32:57 PM EDT

[#20]

Quote History

Quoted:

Sorry about your brother and hopefully things improve somehow. Sorry I don't have anything else useful to add but wishes for the best.

View Quote

Yup, sorry to hear it OP.

Posted: 9/2/2015 8:36:59 PM EDT

[#21]

Sorry to hear that OP, but realize if he doesn't make it, that it was natures way. Nobody is doing anything wrong, it is just natures course.

Yes the words are easy but the feelings are not.

Posted: 9/2/2015 8:52:27 PM EDT

[#22]

My son was born with SMA (Spinal Muscular Atrophy). It is not something they usually test for and we didn't find out until he was 3 months old, he passed away when he was 6 months old. Watching him deteriorate the way he did was the worst experience of my life. This was a year and a half ago and I still have not come to terms with it. Everyone says time heals, but that is a bunch of BS. You just come to a point hopefully that you accept what happened and that you had no control. I still feel like I am cursed. My prayers to you and your family, all you can do is your best to support them.

Posted: 9/2/2015 9:03:54 PM EDT

[#23]

Your family is in my prayers. I hope those doctors are wrong!

Posted: 9/3/2015 9:29:41 AM EDT

[#24]

Quote History

Quoted:
My son was born with SMA (Spinal Muscular Atrophy). It is not something they usually test for and we didn't find out until he was 3 months old, he passed away when he was 6 months old. Watching him deteriorate the way he did was the worst experience of my life. This was a year and a half ago and I still have not come to terms with it. Everyone says time heals, but that is a bunch of BS. You just come to a point hopefully that you accept what happened and that you had no control. I still feel like I am cursed. My prayers to you and your family, all you can do is your best to support them.

View Quote

Sorry for your loss. That must have been rough.

Posted: 9/3/2015 9:39:19 AM EDT

[#25]

Between this thread and the one yesterday about the drowned Syrian kid in turkey, I've teared up more in the last two days than I have in years. Sometimes it just hits you. I can't imagine what you folks are going through, but now I want to leave work and go hug my sons.