Unattributed sources in GEN Shinseki's office remark the Rangers will be
directed to change the color of the beret they now wear. The new beret will
be introduced in January 2001, displaying a vibrant multicolored plaid mesh
of: BLUE for their interdependence with sky-blue Air Force airpower (also,
the infantry "branch" color); RED for the bloodshed associated with combat
(also the field artillery "branch" color); GREEN, for the color formerly
associated with the US Army; and accents of BEIGE, DUSTY ROSE, and MAUVE, in
efforts to align the elite unit with the new politically correct efforts of
the Department of Defense.
Two fashion consultants from areas where Ranger Battalions are located concur
with GEN Shinseki's new policy. Adonis Strangelove, a hairdresser in
Tillicum, outside Ft. Lewis, WA, said, "The new colors are absolutely
heavenly! They bring out the savage yet humanitarian nature of our
muscle-bound, ironclad stalwarts. Soldiers in these new berets will look,
well, just yummy!"
Another advocate is Rueben Bendover, a stylist and part-time interpretative
dance instructor in Savannah near Hunter Army Airfield, GA. Bendover says, "I
was hoping for more of a pastel pinkish hue, yes. However, I applaud the
efforts of the (Army) Chief of Staff. There was a strong lobby for the
inclusion of WHITE, but the allusions of the color white to virginity and to
surrender apparently met with a somewhat questionable aversion among the
troops. How devastatingly sad."