The major problem I am facing at this point in my life is obtaining a pet Penguin (legally), which I will quickly grow weary of once the stench of Sardines becomes a new fact of life. Novelty wears off rather quickly for me, as I am rather impulsive.

How do I do this? Is it even possible? I understand that there are warm and cold weather Penguins. How do I safely care for the cold weather model here in the mid west? Can I just cut a doggey door in the freezer and call it good? Is it possible to construct a litter box that a penguin can waddle into? I can't just let some bird like creature drop butt-biscuits all over the house. What should I fill the litter box with? Ice? That sounds like it could get expensive. Do they make bow ties in penguin size? How can I convince the local bartender that it is ok to have a penguin with me? Call it a seeing eye penguin? If I tip well enough will this even be an issue? "Excuse me bartender, a rum of coke for me, and a bucket of ice for my friend here, here this $10 is for you. Oh, hey, ya got any raw fish in the freezer? Thaw it out real quick." Will that work?

Any advice will be greatly appreciated, arfcom. Please keep it classy, though. I'd hate for this thread to get derailed.









No, I am not serious. Nor am I drunk.

14er

Ask Aimless.

SPNI

Totally using this one for the Tinder thread idea

You should dump your 401K into cat litter investments.

We house trained Aimless here by rubbing his nose in it. YMMV

I'm fairly certain birds have no control over their bowels.

I believe that penguins usually prefer to shit in the water, but will do so on land if they are too far from the nearest water.

If you want a penguin, you probably should first talk to USIS and USDA.  As they will require a salt water habitat and annual inspections and dictate the entire pooping process/environment.


The pooping thing would be the last thing you'd need to worry about.

There is a sig line there fo sho!

Get a girlfriend.

What the holy hell is going on in here?!?  

OP is working on "Taken 4"

Site staff is somehow involved.

I can hook you up with a midget in a penguin costume.

I ask myself this question all the time.

This.  Wow.  Just wow.

This thread is useless without a Jessica Alba photo.

Flightless Avian Poop Thread? No, thank you.

I don't think Aimless is actually allowed in the house.

This books covers it all: