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oh that's hilarious

Way back when I was a Realtor in TX, I sold a house to his nephew.   The transaction was interesting to say the least.   True story.

Ginger Lynn Approves.

El oh El

Winkies?

If I was as small as him I would try to compensate as well...

Let's make up a story, since he won't give any details.


So FlashHole's sale was almost complete, until the buyer's uncle walked in with a hard-on, and said that there was one more thing he needed to do, before the papers were signed....

And with a user name of "Flashhole", no less.

Did you respond to the post? Details man, details!

There's something wrong with a guy when he sees a gun and the first thing he thinks is "penis."

Some details, please.....................    

The uncle proceded to role in a 55 gallon drum of lube and lay down a giant tarp......  

FlashHole became nervous.  Knowing what was coming (heh).   Not wanting what was coming.  His shoulder slumped in disappointment, shame and fear, as he began to accept his fate; from here on out, he would be known as "SmashedHole".



Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile

He heard a tooth crack as his jaw clamped shut and the smoky taste of blood filled his mouth. He reach down and gripped the rim of the Homer bucket with both hands until his knuckles turned white and his fingers began to bleed beneath the nails.

Blood doesn't taste smokey it tastes metallic

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Writer's liberty, metallic doesn't flow.

Sooo great

Just then, the buyer's lawyer arrived.  "Hello, SmashedHole, I am Lexington Steel, esquire.  Time to hammer out an agreement."

 
 

So FlashHole's sale was almost complete, until the buyer's uncle walked in with a hard-on, and said that there was one more thing he needed to do, before the papers were signed....


The uncle proceded to role in a 55 gallon drum of lube and lay down a giant tarp......  


FlashHole became nervous.  Knowing what was coming (heh).   Not wanting what was coming.  His shoulder slumped in disappointment, shame and fear, as he began to accept his fate; from here on out, he would be known as "SmashedHole".





He heard a tooth crack as his jaw clamped shut and the smoky taste of blood filled his mouth. He reach down and gripped the rim of the Homer bucket with both hands until his knuckles turned white and his fingers began to bleed beneath the nails.
Just then, the buyer's lawyer arrived.  "Hello, SmashedHole, I am Lexington Steel, esquire.  Time to hammer out an agreement."    

Mr. Steel looked into the eyes of Smashedhole, deeply penetrating his soul. Smashedhole looked back over his shoulder, lip quivering, sweat starting to bead on his forehead. "I'm ready" he said. Voice cracking

I am totally compensating for my wiener. If my wiener could launch 5.56mm projectiles at 3200 FPS I wouldn't need to own an AR.

I was going to say that even Ron's penis can't kill people over 100 yards away... but then I remembered. I saw the movie One Eyed Monster.

Yes. Yes it can.

As FlashHole regressed into his mind as an attempt to shield himself from the horrors happening to his body, he thought, "The guys on arfcom are never going to believe this one."

Ok, shit.  Thought this thread had died.  Plus, I hate to hijack.


I was new and it was my first transaction.  He was a referral from another Realtor in the office who had more work than he could handle.  Anyway, I followed up on the lead and it turns out that they were serious and had already been prequalified, so I started working with them to find the right house.   To say the guy was interesting would be an understatement.   In fact, I went on to sell Real Estate for several years and his is the only transaction that still stands out in my mind.   One of the funnest.  

Anyway, he was white, but his wife was black.  That did not however keep him from coming off as the biggest racist I'd ever met.  His only real Prerequisites in a home was that it had to have a 2 car garage for his show car and it could NOT be located near any Ni***rs(his words).  Remember, his wife is black   No matter how many times I told him that it would be illegal for me to use that a search criteria, he insisted that that's how it would have be.  The N word was like a normal word to him and he used it all the time.  I finally got the nerve to ask his wife if that bothered her.  I don't remember her exact response, but she led me to believe that it didn't.  

He told me that he had been in trouble for hijacking a semi-load of toys.  I didn't really believe him until I saw his apartment.  Every room was stacked from top to bottom with unopened toys, mostly barbie dolls.  He said he collected them, so whether or not he really hijacked a semi truck and was in trouble with the law is anybody's guess.   Frankly, it wouldn't surprise me if it were true, or completely fabricated.  He was just that kind of guy.

He had told me early on that Ron Jeremy was his uncle, but I didn't really believe him because he was such a character.  Well, I sorta believed him, because he did look exactly like Ron Jeremy, only taller.   Anyway, I finally found him a home he liked.   It was about 10pm when we finally made it back to the office to write the offer.  Since it was my first transaction, I was relieved to see that the Realtor that gave me the referral was still in the office to help me write the contract.  Some time during the writing of the contract, my client retrieved a photo album from his car and proceeded to show me and the other Realtor each and every photo in the album along with detailed descriptions.  It was full of pictures of him and RJ and a whole lot of strippers and porn actresses in various states of undress.  The other Realtor is a very religious guy, so the level of discomfort that showed on his face was pretty funny.  At least it was to me, he did not appear to be amused.  His poor wife just sitting there shaking her head.  

To make a long story short, the house finally closed, after months of working with them.  About 4 months later I walked into the office.  The agents working the front desk said that someone had dropped off an important letter for me.  It was an envelope that was marked in big red letters...... URGENT!!   Aids test results.  Open immediately!    The agent that handed me the letter looked mortified.  After reading the front of the letter, I just shook my head.  I didn't even have to look, I knew exactly who it was from.  Inside the envelope was a simple thank you note.    Never heard from him again, but I have often wondered whatever happened to him.

 

     

Anti-Climatic.

It would be cool if he endorsed AR accessories.

An anatomically correct, molded VFG?

I say we disregard this blather and continue with our own version.

A pelvic thing that goes up?

+1

Reality sucks.

And then they showed Smashedhole his safe word

"How long is it"?

You guys are always good for a laugh.  

Just another Liberal obsessing about someone else's winkie.

McUzi level imagery right there...

Holy fuck that was funny.

Yeah, I wish I had a way with words like that.

I love this thread.

I really want to whip my cock out and shake it at people when they say stupid shit like that.

Hopefully you'll still have a sense of humor in 7 or 8 years when you're still known as the guy that got buggered by Ron Jeremy.

Yeah. The other has real potential.

FAIL!

6"