COWS AND  POLITICS

DEMOCRAT:

You have two  cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing  you to sell one to raise money to pay the  tax.
The people you voted for then take the tax money,  buy  a cow and give it to your neighbor.
You feel righteous.
Barbara Streisand  sings for you.

SOCIALIST:

You have two cows.
The  government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

REPUBLICAN:

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

COMMUNIST:

You have two cows.
The government  seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait  in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and  sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:

You have two cows.
The government  taxes you to the point you have to sell both  to support a man in a foreign country who has  only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:

You have two cows.
The government takes them both,  shoots one, milks the other,  pays you for the milk, and then pours the  milk down the  drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows.
You sell  one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the  2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the  milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow  drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the  analysts stating you have  downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION:

You have two  cows.
You go on strike because you want three  cows.
You go to lunch.
Life is  good.

JAPANESE  CORPORATION:

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are  one-tenth the size of an ordinary  cow and produce twenty times the  milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded  trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow  school.

GERMAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows.
You  engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer,  give excellent quality milk, and run a  hundred miles an  hour.
Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN  CORPORATION:

You have two cows but you don't  know where they are.
While ambling around, you see  a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN  CORPORATION:

You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You  count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You  count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You  stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
You produce your 10th five year plan in the last three  months.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however  many cows you really  have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION:

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any  creature's private  parts.
Then you kill them and claim a U.S. bomb  blew them up while they were in the hospital.

POLISH  CORPORATION:

You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to  milk them.

FLORIDA  POLITICS:

You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes  for the best looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best vote for the  black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking cow.

NEW YORK POLITICS:

You have fifteen million cows.
You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow from  Arkansas.