Once again the Barrister population has reached critical mass. This poor species has overpopulated to the point that it cannot sustain it's numbers and the associated tragedies are inevittable.

As a result of "over population" the more aggressive and predatory of the species are now hunting larger groups of prey in packs. Where in previous times they were mainly just a threat to the individual they are now preying on entire sections of the population with class action lawsuits against big industries that provide services to the country.

With these "wolf packs" going after McDonalds, Big Tabacco and the Gun Industry the average citizen will find himself unarmed, defenseless, with crappy food and cold coffee and won't even be able to try and console himself in this dark hour with a good smoke to calm his nerves. The next obvious target of the "wolf packs" is sure to be the alcohol industry.

The problem is created by a continuous influx of new lawyers to a already over expanded population. From childhood they are encouraged to enter the profession by their parents (usually the Mother) in hopes of a monetary return. And this is the primary factor, they become lawyers not to help society, but to take from it. They spand vasts amounts of money on law school and graduate only to find out they will not be snapped up by a large firm and started at six figures like on L.A. Law.

Usually they can barely afford crappy office space on the bad side of town and have massive student loans that are comparable to the cost of a mild heroin addiction. This makes them angry and bitter and instills the required desire to "get even." So they begin to take on "personal injury" case that comes along on contingency and are willing to violate any ethics they "might" have had for monetary gain and survival. The only unbroken taboo is "professional coutresy" as they have yet to begin feeding on each other.

The more dangerous ones move up the food chain into politics so that they can directly prey upon the entire populataion and access tax payer dollars. They manipulate the system so that lawyers are required for it to function and thereby guarantee their existence. They have even created their own language "legalize" that is required for legal and important documents and lawyers will be needed to translate and compose them. Legalize also allows disreputable companies to employ deceptive advertising on the general population that doesn't comprehend legalize.

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

1. Prevent NEW lawyers. Sorta like birth control, do NOT encourage, or let anyone encourage NEW lawyers. Warn your children about the dangers associated with drugs and lawyers.

2. Reform existing lawyers. Much more difficult than detoxing a 30 year drug addict. But if you know a lawyer and truly care, get them OUT.

3. Thin the herd. Yes it's sad and hard to do. But the damage and hurt done by lawyer overpopulation is far greater than the sadness of having to put a lawyer down.

Because this situation is epidemic we are oganizing hunts in major "critical areas" like Los Angeles, Washinton DC and the like.

Permits will be issued without cost or regualtion and the only rules applied will be simple "tag and drag" requirements as we don't want lawyer carcasses left in the field or on the streets.

It will be BYOSUR and we will issue ammo vouchers. You will be reimbursed for all ammo expenditures that result in a confirmed "tagged" kill.

You know, there are some "good" lawyers out there and a few of them are even members of this board.  I agree that the legal system is spiraling out of control, but the best way to stop it is from the inside...

And by the way...although your humorous plea to start killing lawyers was funny...remember this, like I said above, some of us lawyers are members of this board...when you come for us, be ready to take some return fire!

[50]

My family doesn't care much for lawyer.

Last year, we tried using lawyer to fertilize our garden, but the effect was much like salting the ground.

Will there be some kind of program set up to donate the processed lawyer to the homeless, for instance?  Surely there has to be some use for them.

Edit:  Scipio, I posted right after you did.  I'm just having a little fun.  I know there are good lawyers around, my cousin happens to be one of them.  No offense intended on my part.

Dammit, I forgot the legalize required smiley. Please don't sue me. [:D]

Come and get me.[}:D]

When I said "return fire," I was not referring to legal pleadings...I think I was thinking of something more in the .308 range...

[}:D]

Will poaching out of season or out of designated are be frowned upon? Is there a caliber/ ammo type restriction?

*mental note.... only hunt the ones with "gun free zone" stickers on their front door [;D]  

.... or would that be considered baiting? [;D]

steyr...is there a bag limit?

i couldn't agree more. there are too many lawyers.

As far as vouchers go, you will only be reimbursed for up to 20 per day. After that you may still take lawyers but it will be out of pocket regarding ammo.

You may also keep "lawyer trophies" ie. the mounted heads, associated porsches and rolex watches, etc.

The "Mercy Kill" will run concurrently with a relocation program where large groups of especially predatory lawyers are sent to suitably hostile environments in the Middle East and Africa. Some will be sent to France as part of our "New Relations" UN Program.

Why? Do you fit the above profile?

SteyrAUG-

In all seriousness, if you have ANY rights remaining at the end of the current regime, whether it is the right to bear arms, to have some privacy, to have a dispute resolved before a jury of your peers or even to make posts like yours, it will be because a lawyer preserved those rights for you.  It will not be because you wrote to your congressman or because Americans took to the streets.  It will be because a lawyer was successful in a lawsuit somewhere.  

-Catsmeat, Esq.

I'm with you Catsmeat...

[NI]  This will not be me on someone's wall...hehe

In all seriousness, those aren't the kind of lawyers I'm referring to. And I think you know that.

Back to the "wishful thinking"....

Bonus points for the OJ "Dream Team."

SteyrAUG, Esq.

20 rounds, or twenty boxes?  

If there's too many lawyers, why are they still so very expensive?  We've shopped around at work for about six years to try to find, in our opinion, a lawyer that charges reasonable amounts.  We haven't found one yet.  It seems like the law of supply and demand would have to apply.z

20 Lawyers. [:D]

Lawyer Hunting Regulations

Bill to Regulate the Hunting and Harvesting of Attorneys PC 370.00

370.01 Any person with a valid in-state rodent or snake hunting
license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and
sport (non-commercial) purposes.

370.02 Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The
use of United States currency as bait, however, is prohibited.

370.03 The willful killing of attorneys with a motor vehicle is
prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in
reverse. If an attorney is accidentally struck by a motor vehicle,
the dead attorney should be removed to the roadside, and the vehicle
should proceed immediately to the nearest car wash.

370.04 It is unlawful to chase, herd or harvest attorneys from a
power boat, helicopter or aircraft.

370.05 It is unlawful to shout, "WHIPLASH", "AMBULANCE", or "FREE
SCOTCH" for the purposes of trapping attorneys.

370.06 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW,
Mercedes or Porsche dealerships, except on Wednesday afternoon.

370.07 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of
courtrooms, law libraries, health clubs, country clubs, hospitals or
brothels.

370.08 If an attorney gains elective office, it is not necessary to
have a license to hunt, trap or possess the same.

370.09 It is unlawful for a hunter to wear a disguise as a reporter,
accident victim, physician, chiropractor or tax accountant for the
purpose of hunting attorneys.

370.10  Bag and Possession Limits per day: Yellow-bellied
sidewinders, 2; Two-faced tortfeasors, 1;  Back-stabbing divorce
litigators, 3; Horn-rimmed cut-throats, 2; Minutiae-advocating
dirtbags, 4. Honest attorneys protected (Endangered Species Act).

ARS 8007.21 It is illegal to take attorneys with a moving vehicle
unless there are no measurable skid marks at the kill site.

Remember, hunting lawyers isn't that easy.  Many like myself are armed to the teeth and we shoot back.  Then we sue your family for the cost of the ammunition used, plus a cool milion for pain and suffering  [:D]

[heavy]

Can we keep their trophy wives/paralegal bimbos?

Extra points for shooting them while they are chasing the ambulances??

HEY GUYS! I found one. [:D]

You GOTTA be joking. [:D]

Waldo,
That's really funny! LMAO

Too bad we couldn’t have a 36hr Tag'em & Bag'em contest.
Highest count gets ten[i] million.*

*notice- two L's in million [/i]

I made a lure out of an accordian file folder and a treble hook.  I troll around accident scenes and usually get a bite on the second pass.  I haul them in (they scream bit they don't fight much) and whack 'em a few times to settle them down.

There not much meat on a lawyer--they're all fat and gristle.  I usually just leave 'em outside for the racoons.

I'm one of 6 lawyers in my immediate family.  I live in Fredericksburg, Va. where two of the sniper victims were killed this fall.  The thread is just not that funny.  Maybe if it were about realtors or telemarketers ...  

Christ sakes man get over yourself.

1. It's a joke to everyone EXCEPT complete imbeciles.

2. Your trying to tie the DC Snipers to this thread is EXACTLY why most people don't like lawyers.

3. You "might" have a point if a member of your family was killed by a sniper because they were a lawyer, but that didn't happen. So get over yourself.

By the way, my aunt is a "realtor" and I'm totally offended that you would advocate shooting them. If you are not banned immediately for your insensitivity I am gonna take my ball and go home and cry about it.

I'll be serious for only a second.

What on earth would posses you to become a lawyer?
It can't be the money, there are many other better paying occupations.
The prestige? Lawyers are not that highly regarded, especially over the last 20yrs or so.
Politics?
Is it for the goodwill of man then?

Seriously, many of us would like to know why someone would become a lawyer.

It's indoor work and there is no heavy lifting.

Why does anyone take up any particular occupation?  Because I thought it would be interesting (it can be), because I thought I'd be good at it (I am), because the money's not bad, and, like catmeat said, there's no heavy lifting.  

What do you do for a living?  Why?

What can someone with a post count of 6482 do for a living?

I graduated from law school, but I'm no damn lawyer.  I'd love to snuff out a few selected attorney's.

I can't take credit for it. It's all over the joke type web sites.

The diagnosis and treatment of cancer.
I also employ about 60 people.

I really wanted to make a difference in this world.
And I do!
I see people everyday who, if not for me wouldn't be on this earth.

Enough said. I've already said too much.
Anonymity is a cornerstone of the Internet.

Are you aware the highest post count on ar15.com is from a lawyer?

Seriously, it was a joke. Stop being so prissy. It reflects poorly on real lawyers. There are actually quite a few lawyers here, they seemed to be able to deduce this was a joke.

Editted to ask: "Are you the LEAST observant lawyer on the planet?

[Size=4]CLUE:[/Size=4]

[Size=5][red]----> My occupation is under my username. <----[/red][/Size=5]

SteyrAUG, Esq.

The real question is, what tastes better, cat or lawyer?

I have always said that I would be a lawyer if all I made was minimum wage!

There is definitely something very satisfying to be able to appear before very knowledgeable and educated men and women and be able to impress them with your abilities to marshal an argument in support of your view of the law. And to win them over!

It is extremely satisfying to be able to listen to a seasoned businessman recount his difficulties in some area of his business and then be able to immediately point him in the right direction, to sweep the problems aside.

It is also very empowering to know that very few people will ever be able to mislead you about anything in the business world, in the governance of the nation, or in your private affairs, without you being able to know what might be true and what is not.

It is the best education that money can buy, IMHO.

Eric The(Attorney&CounselorAtLaw)Hun[>]:)]

[i]Steve-in-VA

Prestige and money? That's what drives you and/or impresses you so far as a life-long occupation? No offense (sorta), but you sound pretty fucking shallow.

Anywho, to answer your question, I'm a trial attorney; I actually love litigation- I like the courtroom, the ppl I work with and the fact that I don't count beans behind a desk everyday. I especially like the constitutional issues that I often argue in my criminal and appellate practice; like it or not, lawyers like me are the ones trying to preserve consitutional rights, not destroy them (that's what legislators/politicians do).

And BTW, the money is pretty fucking good if you know what you are doing.[/i]

There are a couple of hundred lawyers that actually preserve our constitutional rights.

Based upon your post, I know you’re not one of them.
If you must degenerate to this type of language so quickly.., I’m sure opposing attorneys have their way with you.

JHC!
Sarcasm! Where, here?

If you want to wave a banner, champion the cause, at the very least you could represent your profession in a more respectful and professional manner.

Look to your fellow brethren on this thread/forum as fine examples.
Otherwise, babble on my friend, babble on.



I shall dwell on this no more.