Work meeting - HOW to PHRASE it nicely to MYOB !

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Work meeting - HOW to PHRASE it nicely to MYOB ! (Page 1 of 2)

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:14:16 PM EDT

I have a mandatory meeting to attend, a memo was sent out ahead of time the ice breaker/ TEAM building exorcise is . . . .

"SHARE something about yourself that nobody knows"

I don't want to offend them too badly, my wife says I'm TOO blunt.

I KNOW there are some real word smiths here, both GOOD and BAD

HELP

What would you say ? ?

IN for the LUZ as well

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:17:31 PM EDT

[#1]

" I am a very private person. I do not share my feelings or things about myself with coworkers ."

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:18:50 PM EDT

[#2]

I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:19:09 PM EDT

[#3]

"I'd like to share with all of you something about me that nobody knows, but on the advice of HR, I will not be doing so."

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:19:17 PM EDT

[#4]

"I was born with a tail"

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:19:19 PM EDT

[#5]

'After the incident several years ago, I know what gets massive amounts of blood out of carpets and off walls."

Come on man, you gotta have fun with this stuff!

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:20:00 PM EDT

[#6]

Make up some crazy BS?

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:20:17 PM EDT

[#7]

Quote History

Quoted:
" I am a very private person. I do not share my feelings or thing about myself with coworkers ."

View Quote

That's good to know. I go to work for the purpose of working. What I do on my own time is none of their business.

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:20:31 PM EDT

[#8]

My left nut is ten times the size of the right! Ain't that somethin?

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:20:36 PM EDT

[#9]

"I've had sex with at least two people sitting in this room".

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:20:44 PM EDT

[#10]

Quoted:
I have a mandatory meeting to attend, a memo was sent out ahead of time the ice breaker/ TEAM building exorcise is . . . .

"SHARE something about yourself that nobody knows"

I don't want to offend them too badly, my wife says I'm TOO blunt.

I KNOW there are some real word smiths here, both GOOD and BAD

HELP

What would you say ? ?

IN for the LUZ as well

View Quote

"I once ran over a neighbor kid. I buried him out in the forest."

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:21:19 PM EDT

[#11]

"I can go from flaccid to ejaculation in under one minute."

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:21:32 PM EDT

[#12]

I have a 9 inch penis and can last for hours in the sack.

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:21:34 PM EDT

[#13]

Tell them back in college while working as a janitor you discovered you had this ability to discover really difficult math problems just by glancing at them.

If they don't believe you then tell them about a crazy situation you and a co-worker had with your former boss Bernie when you were invited to spend the weekend.

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:21:37 PM EDT

[#14]

"I have never been convicted of manslaughter."

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:22:05 PM EDT

[#15]

Quote History

Quoted:
"I once ran over a neighbor kid. I buried him out in the forest."

View Quote View All Quotes

View All Quotes

Quote History

Quoted:

Quoted:

I have a mandatory meeting to attend, a memo was sent out ahead of time the ice breaker/ TEAM building exorcise is . . . .

"SHARE something about yourself that nobody knows"

I don't want to offend them too badly, my wife says I'm TOO blunt.

I KNOW there are some real word smiths here, both GOOD and BAD

HELP

What would you say ? ?

IN for the LUZ as well

"I once ran over a neighbor kid. I buried him out in the forest."

...over a nosy coworker. I buried....

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:22:15 PM EDT

[#16]

"Well, I didn't actually attend public schools until junior high, when I got out of reform school after that innocent misunderstanding in pre-school that they blew all out of proportion...."

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:23:07 PM EDT

[#17]

"I once went on a business trip to a foreign country with a coworker. He got way too drunk, and I couldn't find him in the morning before our flight, so I left him there."

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:23:39 PM EDT

[#18]

"Most of you don't know this, but I'm socially awkward and don't relate well with 99% of people."

They will probably say that they already knew that after all.

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:24:20 PM EDT

[#19]

" I have a deviated urethra "

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:25:04 PM EDT

[#20]

Good time to come out of the closet.

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:25:35 PM EDT

[#21]

Tell them that you think about them outside of the office and the thoughts are sexual in nature.

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:26:48 PM EDT

[#22]

Tell them you are really into Japanese bondage porn.

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:27:12 PM EDT

[#23]

tell them you can read minds. When they tell their thing, you can say "I knew that"

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:28:57 PM EDT

[#24]

Quote History

Quoted:
" I have a deviated narrow urethra "

View Quote

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:29:34 PM EDT

[#25]

"I have one rule, never talk about fight club"

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:30:17 PM EDT

[#26]

I love guns and hate liars, meeting over.

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:30:26 PM EDT

[#27]

Just make something up, like everyone else is going to.

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:30:47 PM EDT

[#28]

Tell them you are completely hairless. Other than your head if that applies

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:31:17 PM EDT

[#29]

fired from your first job for killing too many of the managers.

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:31:24 PM EDT

[#30]

everybody calls me Psycho. Any of you guys call me Francis, and I'll kill you.

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:32:14 PM EDT

[#31]

The records are not only sealed, they are classified.

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:32:27 PM EDT

[#32]

Tell them that you have a wart on your ballsack that looks a lot like a hung over John Rhys-Davies.

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:33:36 PM EDT

[#33]

Recite the Dr Evil speech about his child hood.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTJj4wbmAhk

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:33:37 PM EDT

[#34]

This one time at band camp

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:33:57 PM EDT

[#35]

"I was born a poor black child . . ."

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:34:30 PM EDT

[#36]

We did this once and I said, ' I sniffed Elizabeth Taylor's motorcycle seat.'

TRUTH!

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:36:33 PM EDT

[#37]

The coffee contains cat urine.

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:36:36 PM EDT

[#38]

What field are you in?

That would help formulate a response IMO.

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:36:53 PM EDT

[#39]

Tell them you rarely wear underwear but when u do, it's usually mesh or something else really erotic.

Eta: or, you could eat some pickled eggs, broccoli, whatever gives you the worst gas then proclaim that group settings give you nervous flatulence. Tell them it's a sickness and not to judge you as you let a few rip. Might get you out of any future meetings.

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:37:24 PM EDT

[#40]

"I'm in the witness protection program and if this goes beyond this room you could all be in danger."

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:37:40 PM EDT

[#41]

I once worked at a place like take and didn't answer, they also tried to sing some queer company song during the morning meetings to get people excited for the day

After not participating I was pulled to the side by my supervisor and his boss and told me that they didn't think I was a team player and needed to change my ways.

I asked if I did not help others when needed and did I not stay late to cover others or finish projects and so on, they told me yes I do do that but they are not seeing a good team player attitude.

Told them I didn't need to sing a stupid fucking song or tell my coworkers secretes about my life and if they don't like it then they can fire me but I want it in writing that the reason is that I wouldn't sing or tell about my life, they just looked shocked and told me to go back to work.

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:37:57 PM EDT

[#42]

we had one of those where in we were supposed to tell the group something about our background to show that we all had different upbringings and traditions

i said "I'm an over educated, Pennsylvania redneck"

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:38:18 PM EDT

[#43]

One thing I forgot to add, I have known most of them , since we were kids, 30-40 years, so . . . . .

there's not MUCH they don't already know, good or bad, that I would put out there.

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:39:44 PM EDT

[#44]

Ask if they are familiar with tentacle porn.

No, tell them the story from "Where the Red Fern Grows" but say it happened to you. Then cry and storm out of the room.

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:40:33 PM EDT

[#45]

Tell you like to masterbate until it bleeds.

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:40:41 PM EDT

[#46]

I've thought about each and every one of you while masturbating. Fire me and I'll sue.

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:40:56 PM EDT

[#47]

Quote History

Quoted:

I once worked at a place like take and didn't answer, they also tried to sing some queer company song during the morning meetings to get people excited for the day

After not participating I was pulled to the side by my supervisor and his boss and told me that they didn't think I was a team player and needed to change my ways.

I asked if I did not help others when needed and did I not stay late to cover others or finish projects and so on, they told me yes I do do that but they are not seeing a good team player attitude.

Told them I didn't need to sing a stupid fucking song or tell my coworkers secretes about my life and if they don't like it then they can fire me but I want it in writing that the reason is that I wouldn't sing or tell about my life, they just looked shocked and told me to go back to work.

View Quote

Lol bet they never ask you to organize the Christmas party

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:42:43 PM EDT

[#48]

Quote History

Quoted:
I once worked at a place like take and didn't answer, they also tried to sing some queer company song during the morning meetings to get people excited for the day

After not participating I was pulled to the side by my supervisor and his boss and told me that they didn't think I was a team player and needed to change my ways.

I asked if I did not help others when needed and did I not stay late to cover others or finish projects and so on, they told me yes I do do that but they are not seeing a good team player attitude.

Told them I didn't need to sing a stupid fucking song or tell my coworkers secretes about my life and if they don't like it then they can fire me but I want it in writing that the reason is that I wouldn't sing or tell about my life, they just looked shocked and told me to go back to work.

View Quote

Right on...

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:43:51 PM EDT

[#49]

Quote History

Quoted:
One thing I forgot to add, I have known most of them , since we were kids, 30-40 years, so . . . . .

there's not MUCH they don't already know, good or bad, that I would put out there.

View Quote

Brag a bit. Tell them your wife calls you dirk diggler

Posted: 3/10/2014 3:45:25 PM EDT

[#50]

Be all like

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Work meeting - HOW to PHRASE it nicely to MYOB ! (Page 1 of 2)

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