ARLINGTON, VA — The Department of Homeland Security has purchased more than one billion rounds of a newly designed 9mm handgun round designated “domestic anti-personnel,” developed in part by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, and manufactured in China by NORINCO, a Duffel Blog investigation has uncovered.

Nicknamed “Patriot Poppers,” the ammunition was originally conceptualized as the round to “guard against those guarding against tyranny.” According to government documents, the design is extremely effective at creating permanent tissue damage to unarmored doughy middle-aged targets.

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I a totally trolling Facebook with this.