I don't bother to scrape ice off my windows. A couple of peepholes is all I need to drive. After about 10 minutes most of the windows are clear.
I let my little yippy breakfast dog ride in my lap. She is much less nervous there.
My seat is usually reclined so much that other people think they are seeing a runaway car.
My car burns so much oil, that people behind me have to turn on their lights. It usually smells like Kuwait in my car.
Garbage can? That is what the IDOC workers are for.
Cruise control? That is for boring people who want to drive the same speed all the time. I'd much rather vary my speed from 60 to about 75 on the interstate. I usually know to speed up when people are trying to pass me, or slow down when I get alongside a semi.
The more fuzzy dice, garters, Mardi-gras beads I have on my rear-view mirror, the better. I need to be able to prove I saw all those boobs! Unfortunately my high-school tassle got caught in my dream catcher, and the whole mirror fell off.
Playing loud music is an easy way for me to help brighten the world around me. I also brighten the world by sporting hip bumper stickers.
I have better reaction time than most due to me playing so many video games as a kid. Don't worry if I tailgate you, I won't hit you.
My pet peeve is when people ride my ass. I usually hit the brakes when they do. I don't worry, the'll have to fix my car.
With drivers like me around, people like you can rest easy.