Some Gems:

"BTW, I am, of course, usually carrying a pair of ceramic plates in my briefcase so that I can shield my head. My SO (we work as a team when necessary) has a similar accessory containing a breakdown NEF single-shot 300 WinMag with an 18" bbl. The plan is that I shield us with my body and “catch the rounds” while she assembles the NEF. I lay down covering fire with my 23 (Bar-Sto .357 Sig barrel) and she makes the long shots. I will then throw smoke grenades to obscure the area while continuing to lay covering fire"

"I am not a ninja, merely a student of the art of Ninjitsu, and I prefer not to have status such as “Ninja” laid upon me, for as yet I am unworthy of the title. I will be completing my ninjisu training in a little over 8 months, and then I will be a Master of Ninjitsu, a true “Ninja”. But it is not my martial arts skills that make me so vital to the security of the mall, it is my tactical and strategic skills honed by years of intens on-site on the job training. My weapons skills are the envy of the squad, and I think that with my expertise I ought to be able to choose an effective and reliab;e weapon for CQC and urban combat, whicch is why I chose SW, the MP5’s are junk comparatively."

"It was about 8:45PM, and the mall was closing and nearly empty. Me and my ’shadow’ were sweeping quadrant 069E, the mall arcade, a known hotspot for Asian Gangs and assorted thugs. The arcade was located at the far east end of the mall, next to the movie theater and the orange julius.I smelled trouble, and couldn’t spot any movement from the arcade, which was unusual due to the presence of a new Mortal Compact arcade game. Those Asians Gangs love Mortal Combat.I went to “condition red,” and discretely unholstered my Glock17 loaded with Black Talons. I motioned to my partner to sweep right to flank the arcade, but he was already in motion sensing the trouble in my facial expression. My partner drew his S&W 1006 and went prone behind a potted palm tree.I crept towards the arcade, when the power went out. It was an ambush! I could still see relatively well due to the full moon, shining through the building’s skylights, and years in a dark secret Russian prison center had honed my natural night vision to that of a tomcat.A perp popped up from behind the Orange Julius counter with a full auto Kalashnikov with a 75rd drum"

Thread is archived here link left cold http://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/

Hopefully it has been awhile since the last dupe and some members will get a good read

Your link doesn't work, and I always assumed that guy was the greatest Troll who ever lived.  If he was serious he should have been committed...

ETA: posted before link was made cold.

I was literally ROFL reading that for the first time.
 

Link not working is not my fault, as when ever I hot link it, it craps out. I changed it to cold, copy and paste and it works.

And yes, he is a troll god or supreme idiot.

wtf does that link take you to?

Some kind of midi graveyard

Hey!!! Give me back my avatar! Don't try and ninja me bro!

I called dibs when it was posted

ETA: DIBS!

That never gets old.  

Hate you!

If taking multiple 762 rds is your plan you need a better plan

Hilarious stuff

That is a rather myopic view.

What else is a mall cop to do?

Allow the Mayor's nephew to be raped?

Gecko45

Sorry, didn't realize it had been that soon.

"Authorization Code acceptabel. Will revert to sthealt ops, and stay “sub” on “WASFCD”. Contact my supervisor, and check.Over and out."

Did he survive the ambush?

That brings back memories...

Seems more elaborate than the version I first saw years ago.

My favorite was when he boasted about saving the mayor's son from being anally raped out back by the dumpsters.



That, and the tactical wheelbarrow.

Lol

OMG!! that was some of the funniest shit ever written!!! someone was either a masterful troll or a raving loon!!!!

Good luck hot linking that

Yep, looks like it redirects hotlinks somehow...but pasting the same URL into a browser takes you to the correct site?

Wait, I thought squatdog was the tactical wheelbarrow genius.

 

Copy and paste will work, yes.

Gecko45 is my son.  He's written some brilliant satire over the years but the Mall Ninja stuff was head and shoulders above the rest.

I remember first hearing about mall ninjas online in the late 90's. I just chalked it up to "whatever" and laughed it up ever since...

Is this where it came from?

Remember, I am going back to the days of Dogpile and AOL...

I re-read the Ryan's Steakhouse Story today at work....

- Clint

Pics or it didn't happen

I had figured that out, I was more wondering how that worked.

What do you want.  baby pictures?  

ETA:

I have no idea it's kinda hard to prove a classic like this, I was just following internet SOP

It was great trolling until his "supporter" showed up and they started Internet high fiving each other back and forth.

Use to laugh my ass off at that.  Fuckin plates.




Now I own plates and pc.  Wtf.  Sign o the times.

My buddy in Afghanistan and I adopted Gecko45 and SpecOps as our call signs after we read that thread. My PL was not amused, but he was a prick anyway. Fuck be upon him.

So why "Gecko?" Was it in regards to the "special boots which climb walls?"

That was awesome!
Could someone please post a link or give instructions on how to find the "Tactical Wheelbarrow" and "Ryan's Steakhouse" stories?
I must have more.

Just google "Ryans Steakhouse Story"... it's like one of the first hits...

- Clint