http://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/12/opinion/putin-plea-for-caution-from-russia-on-syria.html

Talk loudly and carry a limp stick- Savage

Fuckin' commie.

bump

Putin won this one for sure. He can have his victory lap. It should remind us not to elect a fucking moron as President of the United States ever again.

Dear Mr. Putin,





I'm glad you wrote to me.  I'm not a president.  But I am pissed off at people who are.  This includes you.
Our president is an idiot.  I know it, you know it, the world knows it, the bear in the woods knows it, the eagle soaring knows it, and the yellow dog laying on the front porch knows it.  If the yellow dog comment doesn't make sense, call me.  I'll explain it.  The NSA will give you my phone number.
You are a dictator.  I know it, you know it, the world knows it, and the pope knows it.    
This stupid president will be replaced in a few years.  We aren't sure about you.  You seem to stick around with a hard, solid bite, and I don't see you letting go yet.  As a bit of personal advice, there is a time to lead and a time to live.  Don't forget to live.  Leading too long will fuck that up for you.
I apologize for being uncultured and inelegant.  I don't really mean to be rude or disrespectful, but I'm dead tired of bull shit.  Especially presidential bull shit.  You are both paid adequately and have both been doing a piss poor job.  At this point, I recommend having a drink.  It works for me.  A Russian assured me that exceptional vodka is available in Russia.
In a few years, a new president will be elected who may or may not be an idiot.  Even if the new president is an idiot, it won't matter because it is not possible to find one as stupid and narcissistic as this one.  Biden and Hillary are pretty stupid and so are most republicans.  Again this will not matter.  We've hit the bottom on stupid and Russia has had it's fair share as well.  Look back.  Stalin was allied with the Nazi's before he was against them.
America has produced presidents who are exceptional as Russia has produced leaders of various title that are also exceptional.
It is a damn shame that so many have been exceptional in the learned art of stupidity.
No one could be born with this exceptional stupidity, it must be taught to them and fortified by legions of people willing to add to the advanced state of stupidity.
This is a damn dead shame as both the Russian and American peoples have certainly shown exceptional bravery and great talents in the arts and sciences.  
I will not mention exceptional Americans as I know that you don't care for that, but I will mention two Russians of exceptional bravery.  One was in a Russian submarine during the Cuban Missile crisis and another held calm when his computers mistakenly thought that an incoming nuclear attack was imminent.  That's might not be exceptional; it might be miraculous.  Call the pope, maybe they know something.  If you need the number, just pick up the phone and ask the NSA.  Or maybe ask that Snowden fellow.  He might have the pope's number too.  Please be nice when you call the pope.  I don't want the pope calling me because you went and got all KGB with him.  KGB vs the pope didn't work out too well for Andropov.    
Now those two Russian men that averted nuclear war weren't popes or premiers or KGB directors, they were just regular Russians, Colonel in rank at most.  Like you used to be.  They stepped up.
Now it's your turn to step up.  It's a simple thing really.  Simple as calling the FBI to warn them about terrorists planning to blow up the Boston Marathon.  Simple, but you may have to call twice in case you get an idiot the first time.  If they put your agents on hold, tell them to have a drink.  It will work for them.  
Right now the world is fucked up.  One of our stupid presidents went and helped North Korea build a nuclear reactor.  You also acted stupidly and went and helped Iran build a nuclear reactor and are talking about building another one.  The French built a nuclear reactor in Iraq and a reactor was built in Syria.  We can thank Israel for blowing up the Iraqi and Syrian Reactors.
What the fuck is going on?  I've met decent Iranian folk, but all of you leaders must be plain crazy putting nuclear reactors in the hands of lunatics in Syria, Iraq, North Korea and Iran.  We could say that Syria is probably the least problematic but I don't like ranking the sort.  They might try to improve themselves.
You think there are going to be good souls behind the control of nuclear weapons in those places like the Russian men who didn't attack the American fleet with nuclear torpedoes or launch a nuclear attack because the computers thought a rocket launched weather experiment was an incoming nuke strike?
You do know that when it comes down to it the Russian people are more like the American people than the Ayatollahs with their forced boy kissing and threats of nuclear destruction of America and Israel?
Vladimir, it's just too easy for Russia and America to create a more prosperous and peaceful world trading with each other than trying to make money from some nut talking about nuking the world to bring their hermit prophet out of his cave.
Step up.  What do you have to lose?  An election?
And don't get this message wrong.  We love America.  Even if a president running it is stupid.  That's temporary.  We'll outlast the idiots.  That's the exceptional part.  Like those exceptionally hot Russian woman spy's.  We're going to need exceptional Japanese cameras to photograph them.  We might not have had that chance if it weren't for the exceptional Russian military men that didn't launch at the wrong time.  Too bad those leaders you are working with in Iran and Syria aren't very exceptional.  They are going to screw your life up.  



   



And ours.





You wrote a really nice letter to us and I am sure you had great fun doing it.  I'm sorry, I'm not all diplomatic sounding.  But they are just being polite not honest.  I've written some elegant prose in my time, but I don't feel like it now and for some strange reason, I thought you might like to hear it straight.





Good Night.  And don't worry about the crazy leaders with the nukes.  I'm sure they will straighten up once they see that nice big red button with the key switch next to it.