Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again...

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

How about never? Is never good for you?

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.


I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

 It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

 I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

 I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

 You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

 I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

 I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

 I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

 The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

 Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

 What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

 I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

 It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burnoff.

 Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

 
 You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.

 Who me? I just wander from room to room

 
Do I look like a people person?

This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

 I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

 
 Does your train of thought have a caboose?

 Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

 A PBS mind in an MTV world.

 
 Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

 I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

 A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

 Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen
asleep yet.

 Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?

 Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

 Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

 Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

 How do I set a laser printer to stun?

 I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.

 If I throw a stick, will you leave?

 Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

A couple more...

Is it time for your medication, or mine?

How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

MM419

you should have pieces of corn sticking out of your breath.

[size=6][red]I want you all to remember that I am very heavily armed.[/red][/size=6]

I would really enjoy saying, just once...

"[i]you[/i] broke it, [i]you[/i] fix it..."

Especially with the $450 monitor that "they" recently "accidently had water seep into the back of" (near a gallon of water dumped on it...)

I do like that "how bout never? is that good for you?", instead I just procrastinate, charge time for it and let them know "Im working on it" periodically.

Jonathan

We say stuff like that up above all the time.  One nice thing about not having to work with women or girly men.

how about:

United Mine Workers? or Teamsters, UAW,....

Or, that is too big to fit on a Casa.  You need to ship that on a C-130.

Or, MSHA (or OSHA) is at the airstrip and they are here for an audit.

That's some funny stuff. Fortunately, I did not find anything on the list I could not say at work. Being in the construction business has advantages.

One of my favorites heard on a job site:

[size=5]What does it feel like to wake up every morning and be a FU**ING IDIOT![/size=5]

This from a journeyman to the project engineer.

If you don't like this speed you damn sure aren't going to like the next one.



If you're going to be stupid you have to be tough.

I brought my 45 to work to show my boss, who doubles as my huntin buddy.

I said I was there to negotiate my raise[:D]

I actually heard a boss say this to an employee at a factory I worked in, about twenty years ago:


"You don't sweat much, for a fat girl."

We have used that at several of the hospitals I have worked at.

Hehe, jobsites are fun, aren't they?

Recently, a job superintendant (he's truly a moron) was trying to tell me that I'd built the casework "out of spec".  Despite telling him that the architect had just been by the site and complimented my work, he was insistant that everything was wrong.  Finally, I got tired of his tantrum and tried to change the subject...

"Fred, where'd you put that box?", I asked.

"What box?", replied Fred (the super)

"That box I built just for you stand on to [b]kiss my ass!!!"[/b]

Ever heard an entire jobsite erupt into laughter at some little shit who has more self-perceived power than brains?  Lotsa fun!!! [:D]

What I always say when one of my co-workers makes a stupid comment:

[b]"That's your asshole talking. Your mouth knows better".[/b]