He was gettin a beer out of the fridge when he slammed his head in the door as he was closing it.
That hurt so much he dropped the bottle, which then shattered and amputated his foot.
All the commotion freaked out his cat, who tried to get away by running through the computer monitor, which is located in the next room. The monitor imploded and peppered his back with a million glass fragments.
He then staggered towards the phone, to call 911, but when he dove for it, his hand hit a butcher knife, and it flew up off the counter and scalped him.
His cat, desperately trying to get away from this mess, tripped the trigger on a loaded Bushmaster, which discharged and blew the phone to kingdom come.
PuterGuy, seeing this unfortunate turn of events, then turned around to go for his car keys. He decided to drive himself to the ER, since he suddenly had no way to call for help and there was a raging madman in his house shooting at him to boot.
The discharge of the Bushy scared the cat so badly that the cat ran straight into the wall in sheer panic, then turned around and ran the way he had come. The cat saw a familiar, if significantly bloodied by this time, sight.
That's right, the cat jumps on PuterGuy, seeking comfort in the arms of his war-wounded master. Puterguy falls straight back from the force of the feline landing...and doesn't hit anything on the way down!
However, when he hit the floor, he spied a pair of pliers and some duct tape.
He used the pliers to pull out all the glass, and the duct tape to tape his foot and scalp back on.
And they lived happily ever after. The end.
[:D]