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Posted: 12/27/2012 7:33:22 PM EDT
[#1]
My favorite: A second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
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Posted: 12/27/2012 7:34:48 PM EDT
[#2]
No one leaves life alive.
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Posted: 12/27/2012 7:35:21 PM EDT
[#3]
"Owww My BAlls!!"
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Posted: 12/27/2012 7:36:22 PM EDT
[#4]
She cried and the Judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.
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Posted: 12/27/2012 7:37:50 PM EDT
[#5]
said by my buddy to a RO about rapid firing.
You never said I was shooting too fast when I was in Iraq!!
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Posted: 12/27/2012 7:38:02 PM EDT
[#6]
YOU PRIVATES MOVIN SLOWERN SMOKE OFF A TURD!!!!!!!
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Posted: 12/27/2012 7:38:23 PM EDT
[#7]
I would lick her asshole with no shower.
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Posted: 12/27/2012 7:39:00 PM EDT
[#8]
He can get glad in the same pants he got mad in.
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Posted: 12/27/2012 7:40:30 PM EDT
[#9]
go away batin.
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Posted: 12/27/2012 7:41:05 PM EDT
[#10]
If he had two brains he'd be twice as stupid...
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Posted: 12/27/2012 7:42:13 PM EDT
[#11]
Quoted:
My favorite: A second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. Well done. 
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Posted: 12/27/2012 7:43:39 PM EDT
[#12]
'Compromise is a formula for mediocrity,,,mediocrity is a formula for failure" Original by me. FBHO
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Posted: 12/27/2012 7:45:05 PM EDT
[#13]
Arguing on Facebook is like racing in the special Olympics. Even if you win you are still a retard
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Posted: 12/27/2012 7:47:11 PM EDT
[#14]
fuck obama
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Posted: 12/27/2012 7:49:15 PM EDT
[#15]
There once was a man from Nantucket.....
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Posted: 12/27/2012 7:54:49 PM EDT
[#16]
Sometimes Malvert pee red.
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Posted: 12/27/2012 7:57:55 PM EDT
[#17]
You think you're hot shit on a silver platter, but you're really cold boogers on a paper plate.
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Posted: 12/27/2012 7:58:00 PM EDT
[#18]
You can't fix stupid.
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Posted: 12/27/2012 8:02:50 PM EDT
[#19]
My father used to say, when he saw something he desired: "I wish I had that and she had a feather up her ass, we'd both be tickled".
I say it too, now.  |
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Posted: 12/27/2012 8:04:10 PM EDT
[#20]
One of ARFCOMs favorite....
If it flies, floats or fucks....you rent it. |
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Posted: 12/27/2012 8:05:18 PM EDT
[#21]
Play stupid games--win stupid prizes
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Posted: 12/27/2012 8:06:43 PM EDT
[#22]
Quoted:
"Owww My BAlls!!" go away, batin dammit |
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Posted: 12/27/2012 8:07:35 PM EDT
[#23]
Women are like dog shit, the older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
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Posted: 12/27/2012 8:07:36 PM EDT
[#24]
Don't sweat the petty stuff.
Just pet the sweaty stuff. 
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Posted: 12/27/2012 8:07:42 PM EDT
[#25]
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
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Posted: 12/27/2012 8:07:47 PM EDT
[#26]
"The word "politics” is derived from the word "poly,” meaning many, and "ticks,” meaning blood sucking parasites.” |
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Posted: 12/27/2012 8:10:34 PM EDT
[#27]
Damn, it's rainin' like a two cunted cow pissin' on a flat rock.
A favorite of my old boss. |
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Posted: 12/27/2012 8:11:21 PM EDT
[#28]
If at first you don't succeed....
Try something easier... |
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Posted: 12/27/2012 8:13:34 PM EDT
[#29]
PRO is for and CON is against...
If PROgress is to move forward, what is CONgress? |
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Posted: 12/27/2012 8:14:20 PM EDT
[#30]
Quoted:
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese The early bird gets the worm, but the early worm gets eaten. |
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Posted: 12/27/2012 8:14:22 PM EDT
[#31]
Yes I do have a match. Your face and my ass.
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Posted: 12/27/2012 8:16:22 PM EDT
[#32]
You move like old people fuck!
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Posted: 12/27/2012 8:16:57 PM EDT
[#33]
"That boy's about as subtle as a hand grenade in a barrel o' oatmeal." - Foghorn Leghorn
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Posted: 12/27/2012 8:18:32 PM EDT
[#34]
"It's better to be pissed off than pissed on."
- R. Kelly's date |
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Posted: 12/27/2012 8:20:44 PM EDT
[#35]
Lick dees nuts and suck da dick, bitches ain't nutin but hoes and tricks.
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Posted: 12/27/2012 8:20:51 PM EDT
[#36]
Dont let your dick run your life, you will be much happier in the end.
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Posted: 12/27/2012 8:29:36 PM EDT
[#37]
Whilst stuck driving behind some slo-poke... My buddy utters...
'Fuckin guy probably has nowhere to go and all day to get there. Often heard in a prison setting... They're as solid as a soup sandwich.... |
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Posted: 12/27/2012 8:34:13 PM EDT
[#38]
Here's my comeback, my cum going down the back of your throat.
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Posted: 12/27/2012 8:40:59 PM EDT
[#39]
"No rest for the wicked and the good don't need it" - my dad
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Posted: 12/27/2012 8:41:33 PM EDT
[#40]
When you come to a fork in the road, take it.
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Posted: 12/27/2012 8:47:43 PM EDT
[#41]
"No matter where you go, there you are." - Somebody. Prior to Buckaroo Banzai.
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Posted: 12/27/2012 8:47:47 PM EDT
[#42]
Quoted:
If at first you don't succeed.... Try something easier... If at first you don't succeed ... skydiving isn't for you. As fucked up as a football bat. |
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Posted: 12/27/2012 8:49:36 PM EDT
[#43]
Looks like the only thing I can count on is I can't count on you
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Posted: 12/27/2012 8:50:49 PM EDT
[#44]
The day waits for no man
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Posted: 12/27/2012 8:53:42 PM EDT
[#45]
Martini's are like nipples. One's not enough and three's too many.
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Posted: 12/27/2012 8:55:58 PM EDT
[#46]
That makes a tear run right down my leg.
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Posted: 12/27/2012 8:56:17 PM EDT
[#47]
Quoted:
Yes I do have a match. Your face and my ass. Winnie? |
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Posted: 12/27/2012 9:21:28 PM EDT
[#48]
All foam, no beer.
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Posted: 12/27/2012 9:25:32 PM EDT
[#49]
Don't piss on me and tell me it's raining.
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Posted: 12/27/2012 9:26:30 PM EDT
[#50]
Quoted:
All foam, no beer. All hat, no cowboy. |
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