I'm in a serious debacle.  I have a 5 year old daughter to another woman I dated for a brief period.  I am married to the woman now that I was dating also when my girl's mom became pregnant.  So you can see already this is a mixed up scenario.  Anyway her mom and I had a very polarized relationship, either very, very great or very, very bad.  I left.  Straightened things out and married the one I was dating also.  So for all intents and purposes I should hate my kids mom because she put me and my wife through livng hell and she had done everything in her power to break me down after I left.  She fell out with my family and berrated me non stop.  But I do not hate her at all.   I actually have very strong feelings for her that I cannot resolve for some reason.   There is an attraction between us that is always present and I cannot resolve that either.  Anyway today I called her to talk to my little one and she said she had a guy over.  I thought I just got off a cartwhel.  I was all fucked up(still am).  Now this same cat she has been messing with on and off is married and has a kid of his own.  He just shows up for a quicky and leaves once every few weeks.  He's a lowlife dirtbag to begin with but I cannot figure out why I just can't get over her.  Maybe I get pissed because of my kid being raise like this but I don't like her mom being treated as a whore.  Sometimes I go for months and not think about it but then something like this hits and it feels like we just split up(it' sbeen over 3 years).  Needless to say I cannot talk about this with my wife but I am dying here.  She has nothing in comon wiht me and she is loud and abrasive.  I don't like her as a person very much because of her questionable morals but there are times that I would give anything to have made it work with her.  I have not felt like this(jealous) for a long while and I would like it to go away.  It is tough because there are some intense feelings and temptations between both of us to the point where we cannot be alone together.  She tells the world how much she hates me but it is just something I cannot understand or explain.  Anyone ever been in a situation similar to this?  

I can tell you what NOT to do.  Don't have a few drinks to "settle your nerves"  Pretty soon you will handle all emotional conflicts in this manner, and you may end up a shitty husband and father.

Sorry I couldn't offer more.


Balming

I'll try not to sound like a school kid here.

Is your Ex really hot?
Is your Ex a rambunctious lady?
Is she one of those people you just can't get along with, but her attitude and way of things is something that turns you on?

I'm only 23, but I've been in my fair amount of  relationships, but I feel I can possibly help here because I have so many friends in their late 20's and early 30's.

I have found alot of my older friends to be in shambles in their love lives.

They have the responsibility of children, and yet act like one!

Most of them have one thing in common.
They want to be kids again relationship wise.
They want a hot, loud girl they can show off to all of friends or not-so friends.

It's like high school but in your 30's.

Knowone wants to sell themselves short, but alot of men feel that way about their women.

It sounds to me( I mean this in the best way) you need to GROW UP!!! I understand that it sucks having an old flame with another guy, but dude, your married again!

It's sounds like you could never make it work with your EX, and THAT'S what keeps you coming back, the challenge itself is the attraction (that and wild sex).

How could you marry another and still feel this way?

How could you NOT talk to your current wife about this? She deserves AT LEAST that.

You have some soul searchin to do buddy, and it's not another women, it's yourself.

Edited to add, most not all, of the guys I know that fall into this catigory love Porn and titty bars with a passion, which further complicates things due to adding to the already lack of respect for women.

got any pics?

Your ex-wife is not "being treated like a whore" she is acting like a whore.

Once you get that straight, and quit running to the bottle, things will get better.

Sounds like you have some kids depending on you, so get back in the game and play the daddy, not the kid.

Edited to add: Sorry that sounded a bit harsh, but I still think it is good advice.

Beekeeper, you and I DEFINATLY should hook up sometime. Valk, no slams here either. The person you should be looking at is in the mirror.

look at your own family history, and ask yourself why you make the choices you do. Why do you choose women like this. Get some info on co-dependency, maybe join a group. You will be a happier person, with a little work and a LOT of self-honesty....Good luck bro., been there/done that!

All that emotional energy needs to be spent on your daughter, NOT her mother.

THX Bee.

Yes, there is hope.

Thanx guys!

Uh, somehow  I conveyed I was drinking this away.  I guess when I said I was fucked up.  Not drinking just emotionally fucked up.  Anyway I want to stay with my wife and I am going to I just want this emotional rollercoaster to go away for good!