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Posted: 7/26/2002 5:49:28 PM EDT
[#1]
LOL!
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Posted: 7/26/2002 6:06:52 PM EDT
[#2]
Can't resist.
A guy walks into a bar with his pet octopus and bets $100. the octopus can play any musical instrument they can find. The first guy to bet produces a flute, and the octopus plays a beautiful Bach piece and the guy pays up. They lead the octopus to the piano and he plays a Chopin concerto, and gets another $100. A drunk Scot produces a bagpipe, and the octopus puzzles over it for a couple of minutes, and hands it back. His owner says"Can't you play it?" "Play it?" says the octopus, "if I can get it's underwear off I'm gonna f**k it". |
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Posted: 7/26/2002 6:39:20 PM EDT
[#3]
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!11!!!!
"if I can get it's underwear off I'm gonna f**k it" HHAHAHAHAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!! |
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Posted: 7/26/2002 6:50:31 PM EDT
[#4]
Q: What's the difference between being hard up, and down and out?
A: About two minutes. |
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Posted: 7/26/2002 7:18:40 PM EDT
[#5]
My boss slighted this by me the other day...It's an oldie but a goody!
One of my coworkers was talking about a dream she had...My boss just walks in at that moment and said that he had a nightmare last night! He dreamt he was Dolly Parton's Baby and was put on formula! [:D] |
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Posted: 7/27/2002 1:07:28 AM EDT
[#6]
A girl is about to tie the knot, and is watching her mother bake biscuits in the kitchen.
"Mom?" she asks. "How do you keep Dad so happy after all these years of marriage?" The mother promptly throws a wad of biscuit dough on the floor, hikes up her dress, and squats down, picking the dough up with her snatch. "Practice this and when you can do it, I'll guarantee that your man will be satisfied for the rest of his life," said her mother. So the girl practiced and practiced until her wedding night. While her anxious husband waited for her in the bed, she emerged wearing a sexy negligee, carrying a can of biscuit dough. She opened the can, threw the dough on the floor, lifted her negligee, and squatted over the dough, letting out a thunderous fart as she did so. Her husband, startled, jumped from the bed and backed away. "What's wrong, honey?" she asked. He replied, "Damn woman!" as he stepped further away. "If that thing barks like that for a biscuit, I sure as hell don't want to throw any meat at it!" |
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Posted: 7/27/2002 1:37:29 AM EDT
[#7]
These are all too funny I am going to have to brign them up at work tomorrow, you know, instead of actually working [rolleyes]
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Posted: 7/27/2002 2:04:57 AM EDT
[#8]
This is quite appropriate, considering the impending site downtime.
End Of The World When the end of the world arrives how will the media report it? USA Today: WE'RE DEAD The Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS National Enquirer: O.J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN Playboy: GIRLS OF THE APOCALYPSE Microsoft Systems Journal: APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE Victoria's Secret Catalog: OUR FINAL SALE Sports Illustrated: GAME OVER Wired: THE LAST NEW THING Rolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR Readers Digest: 'BYE Discover Magazine: HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS? TV Guide: DEATH AND DAMNATION: NIELSON RATINGS SOAR! Lady's Home Journal: LOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGEMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW "ARMAGEDDON" DIET! America Online: SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES. Inc. magazine: TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE Microsoft's Web Site: IF YOU DIDN'T EXPERIENCE THE RAPTURE, DOWNLOAD SOFTWARE PATCH RAPT777.EXE. Sun: ARMAGEDDON TOLERANT SOFTWARE NOW AVAILABLE! |
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Posted: 7/27/2002 2:09:11 AM EDT
[#9]
May is Tank Month at Jane's M1A2 Abrams MBT - Jane's 2002 Luxury Tank of the Year!! Armor vs. Speed: The debate continues What to look for in a used Russian Tank Swedish S Tank: Sexy but is its skin too thin? Merkava: so slow yet so safe Need to penetrate 6 inches? Uranium-tipped munitions! Gun Barrels: Size Does Matter Reactive Armor? Is your vehicle ready for some serious customizing? Using an RPG to do the work of a LAW? |
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Posted: 7/27/2002 3:17:54 AM EDT
[#10]
Don King and Mike Tyson walk into the Vatican one day to see the Pope..
As they walk around King notices that Tyson is spitting sunflower seeds all over the place and says.. .Mikey you shouldn't be doing that it's desecrating the Vatican Mike T. says..Aww Futhk ith no onth will notith.. So King walks away Disgusted... Later on King notices that 'ol Mikey is getting blessed by the pope and can't believe his damn eyes. When the Pope is wheeled away King rushes over to Mikey and congradulates him for getting blessed. Mikey goes NO,no thaths note wath heath say...He saith [up]"Listen Fucker" [down]"Pick that shit up" [over]"Get the fucked up hair dude" [over]"And get the fuck out" |
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