He's fluent in all languages, including three that only he speaks.

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Posted: 7/27/2012 4:57:32 PM EDT

As a toddler he taught others to walk.

Once while sailing around the world, He discovered a short cut.

He's never found a penny that wasn't heads up.

if he were to pass you on the street and not say, "hello" you would still feel like he stopped and asked you about your day

His charm is so contagious vaccines have been created for it.

Every time he goes for a swim dolphins appear.

He identifies UFOS.

Posted: 7/27/2012 5:07:11 PM EDT

[#1]

All we know is... He's called the Stig!

Posted: 7/27/2012 5:18:34 PM EDT

[#2]

Best first post I've ever seen!

Posted: 7/27/2012 5:22:19 PM EDT

[#3]

Cuba imports their cigars from him.
Years ago, he built a city out of blocks, today over 600,000 people live and work there.
He is the only man, to ace the rocshert test.
Alien abductors, probe him.
If he were to give you directions, you'ed never get lost, and arrive five minutes early.
His legend precedes him, the way lighting precedes thunder.

Posted: 7/27/2012 7:10:42 PM EDT

[#4]

Quoted:
Cuba imports their cigars from him.
Years ago, he built a city out of blocks, today over 600,000 people live and work there.
He is the only man, to ace the rocshert test.
Alien abductors,get probed by him.
If he were to give you directions, you'ed never get lost, and arrive five minutes early.
His legend precedes him, the way lighting precedes thunder.

Posted: 7/27/2012 7:18:54 PM EDT

[#5]

Quoted:
Cuba imports their cigars from him.
Years ago, he built a city out of blocks, today over 600,000 people live and work there.
He is the only man to ace the rocshert rorschach test.
Alien abductors, probe him.
If he were to give you directions, you'ed never get lost, and arrive five minutes early.
His legend precedes him, the way lighting precedes thunder.

Fixed

Posted: 7/27/2012 7:22:00 PM EDT

[#6]

He once tried to lose at chess just to know how it felt but his opponent died from shock immediately and lost by forfeit.

The IRS pays him every April

When he walks into a strip club, the dancers tip him

Posted: 7/27/2012 7:23:39 PM EDT

[#7]

You know he'd shoot whiskey into his neck with a syringe?

He was a son of a bitch.

Posted: 7/27/2012 7:25:17 PM EDT

[#8]

If he were to pat you on the back, you'd list it on your resume

When he's in Rome, they do as he does

He's been known to cure narcolepsy just by walking in a room

His organ donation card also lists his beard

He's a lover not a fighter, but he's also a fighter so don't get any ideas

Posted: 7/27/2012 7:30:03 PM EDT

[#9]

His blood smells like cologne.

Posted: 7/27/2012 7:31:45 PM EDT

[#10]

-He once brought a knife to a gunfight, just to even the odds.

-He has won the lifetime achievement award...twice.

-He once taught a German Shepard how to bark in Russian

-He lives vicariously through himself.

-If he we're to punch you in the face, you'd have to fight off the urge to thank him.

-Sharks Have a week dedicated to him.

Posted: 7/27/2012 7:33:31 PM EDT

[#11]

Quoted:
The IRS pays him every April

OH OH! Are we talking about people on EIC?

Posted: 7/27/2012 7:33:50 PM EDT

[#12]

He is the most interesting man...

In.

The.

World.

All we know is, he's called... The Stig.

(Had to correct. It's been awhile since I've been able to see TopGear)

Posted: 7/27/2012 7:35:04 PM EDT

[#13]

He once went to a psychic - to warn her.

Posted: 7/27/2012 7:36:58 PM EDT

[#14]

His mother has a tattoo that says son.

Posted: 7/27/2012 7:38:46 PM EDT

[#15]

If he were to visit you at your home, your property value goes up

He is allowed to recline his seat and make phone calls while the plane is taking off.

A red light camera once caught him speeding...the judge asked him to autograph the picture

He once made chili with beans, and everyone from Texas asked for the recipe

He carries a Glock 1911

He can SIIHPAPP and not get banned

When he donates blood to the Red Cross a bidding war ensues

The stock market invests in him

He can grill a perfect criss-cross pattern on his steaks, in a microwave

He is the only one who can ban Ed Sr.

Posted: 7/27/2012 7:41:55 PM EDT

[#16]

He has inside jokes with people he just met.

Posted: 7/27/2012 7:43:01 PM EDT

[#17]

If he were to tell you "have a good day"......... you would

The aztec calender has his cinco de mayo party chiseled in

He gives his guardian angel, a sense of security

Posted: 7/27/2012 7:43:16 PM EDT

[#18]

He can lead a horse to water and make it drink.
He once ordered a Big Mac at BurgerKing...and got one.

Posted: 7/27/2012 7:46:36 PM EDT

[#19]

Curiosity tried to kill him once then apologize and politely left.

When people pet him, they pur

Posted: 7/27/2012 7:50:00 PM EDT

[#20]

He once had an awkward moment, just to see how it feels.

Posted: 7/27/2012 7:55:55 PM EDT

[#21]

Sasquatch takes pictures of him.

Posted: 7/27/2012 8:00:48 PM EDT

[#22]

Little known fact, his real name is Bill Brasky.

Posted: 7/27/2012 8:02:30 PM EDT

[#23]

You guys need to stop.

Posted: 7/27/2012 8:03:14 PM EDT

[#24]

Some say that all his pot plants are called Steve...
And that he has a life size tattoo of his face...
On his face...

Posted: 7/27/2012 8:04:37 PM EDT

[#25]

When you watch cable, you feel like a loser.

When you feel like a loser, you attend seminars.

When you attend seminars, you feel like a winner.

When you feel like a winner, you go to Vegas.

When you go to Vegas, you lose everything.

When you lose everything, you sell your hair to a wig shop.

shit, wrong commercial...

Posted: 7/27/2012 8:44:12 PM EDT

[#26]

He can make orange juice, out of apples
He once sent $1000 to a Nigerian scammer, and actually received his $5 million share of the loot.
At birth he cut his own umbilical cord.
He’s the only person to have come back from the Bermuda Triangle, with a souvenir.
He speeks fluent French, in Russian
Even his enemy’s list him as their emergency contact.
He has never lost a sock
He once challenged his own reflection to a staring contest. On the fourth day, he won.

Posted: 7/27/2012 8:48:00 PM EDT

[#27]

Chuck Norris?

Posted: 7/27/2012 8:51:07 PM EDT

[#28]

Quoted:
All we know is... He's called the Stig!

This

Posted: 7/27/2012 8:56:36 PM EDT

[#29]

Mosquitos refuse to bite him out of respect.

He bowls overhand.

Stay thirsty, my friends!

Posted: 7/28/2012 1:18:04 PM EDT

[#30]

Banks come to him to apply for loans.

He doesn't always read forums, but when he does, he prefers AR15.com.

Posted: 7/28/2012 1:34:59 PM EDT

[#31]

when he farts it smells likes berries
when he's in england the queen bows to him
once he said "rain rain go away, come back another day" and it did
once he did jack shit for and day and the world nearly ended
once while in northern alaska he smiled at the beauty of the land and the sun shined for 6 months strait
once he stepped on a crack and it broke his daddy's back
when playing hop scotch he always wins
he is the only man to receive the usfda stamp of approval

Posted: 7/28/2012 1:42:55 PM EDT

[#32]

He doesn't always shoot ARs, but when he does, he prefers Noveske.

Posted: 7/28/2012 1:53:15 PM EDT

[#33]

Quoted:

He is the only one who can ban Ed Sr.

I thought this thread was about Ed SR.!

My favorite: He strongly practices the motto, "Safety third".

Posted: 7/30/2012 7:22:20 PM EDT

[#34]

Super.

Posted: 7/30/2012 7:33:53 PM EDT

[#35]

tagged for laughter

Posted: 7/30/2012 7:35:04 PM EDT

[#36]

His dick has a bigger dick than you.

Posted: 7/30/2012 7:59:59 PM EDT

[#37]

He's won trophies for his game face alone.

Posted: 7/30/2012 8:01:25 PM EDT

[#38]

A WalMart greeter once offered him a free pressure-washer.
Neighbors often give him hurby-curbies.
He blades at 46 degrees.
He bakes cookies in the shower.
He bought a safe at a yard sale. With the combination.

Posted: 7/30/2012 8:05:18 PM EDT

[#39]

Quoted:
A WalMart greeter once offered him a free pressure-washer.
Neighbors often give him hurby-curbies.
He blades at 46 degrees.
He bakes cookies in the shower.
He bought a safe at a yard sale. With the combination.

Best yet.

Posted: 7/30/2012 8:08:37 PM EDT

[#40]

Quoted:
A WalMart greeter once offered him a free pressure-washer.
Neighbors often give him hurby-curbies.
He blades at 46 degrees.
He bakes cookies in the shower.
He bought a safe at a yard sale. With the combination.

Literally lol.

Posted: 7/30/2012 8:09:18 PM EDT

[#41]

He really IS kind of INTERESTING...

Posted: 7/30/2012 8:11:04 PM EDT

[#42]

Who ever came up with those commercials should get a promotion. Even more awesome than the Trunk Monkey.

Posted: 7/31/2012 4:14:34 AM EDT

[#43]

Quoted:
He bought a safe at a yard sale. With the combination.

Posted: 7/31/2012 4:23:49 AM EDT

[#44]

Quoted:
A WalMart greeter once offered him a free pressure-washer.
Neighbors often give him hurby-curbies.
He blades at 46 degrees.
He bakes cookies in the shower.
He bought a safe at a yard sale. With the combination.

His seeing eye cat has a seeing eye dog.

His range reports never get locked.

He made AROCK fuck himself.

His life preservers ARE bulletproof.

Sorry. My day job is not comedian.