Serious question about drinking and relationships

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Serious question about drinking and relationships

Posted: 7/21/2002 6:44:55 PM EDT

... I normally don’t venture into topics like this here but I would really like to hear what you have to say about the issue.

I used to date a beautiful woman, intellegent, sexy gal for a few years. We broke up a couple years ago but stayed in touch. We both love each other still. She knows more about firearms than most of us!

We are ready to start a go at a relationship again, even discussed marriage.

She absolutely despises drinking, drunks, the smell of alcohol, the way people act while drinking and me drinking.
Even though I don’t have the opportunity to drink often I do partake periodically with my buddies.

Now my question.

If she hates it that much should I give up drinking all together? Has anyone else sacrificed drinking for a cause like this?

Just needed to “talk” to someone about it, thanks.

Posted: 7/21/2002 6:54:43 PM EDT

[#1]

The older I get the more annoyed I become with obnoxious drunks and their stupid anctics. While I see absolutly nothing wrong with haveing a couple of beers while out with my pals, I see on an everyday basis through my job, how too much of a good thing can really screw up someones life. Maybe she would be ok with you're having a couple of drinks while out with her or at home. It could be she's afraid you'll do something really stupid when out with the guys. Why not just ask her what her objection is?

Posted: 7/21/2002 7:12:47 PM EDT

[#2]

WW, I can only imagine that her extreme view is the result of a traumatic childhood experience, and that she is emotionally scarred to a degree that you may have a difficult time convincing her that there is room for moderation when alcohol is concerned.

Alternatively, this view may be a product of a religion that forbids alcohol. If one dates an LDS, then one may gain insight into the powerful influence of the anti-ETOH perspective.

I suppose that one who is so adamantly opposed to alcohol will have no difficulty rationalizing the position if it isn't related to a family history of alcoholism or abuse: sexual or physical or emotional. I hesitate to give advice, but I'd wait for a tender moment to approach the topic, and would try to discover why the firm objection.

Go from there?

Posted: 7/21/2002 7:19:36 PM EDT

[#3]

If the alcohol isn't important to you then why even worry about it, save your money and buy some more ammo instead.

Now if she were anti-gun instead of being pro-gun then I would say kick her to the curb [:D]

Posted: 7/21/2002 7:20:49 PM EDT

[#4]

Is she asking that you completely stop drinking, no beer in the house, never going out for one with the guys?

I sure wouldn't choose beer (I don't drink much but sometimes I REALLY love a good beer) over my girlfriend, but I would sure want some good explanation for why I should stop completely.

Posted: 7/21/2002 7:21:54 PM EDT

[#5]

Quoted:
If the alcohol isn't important to you then why even worry about it, save your money and buy some more ammo instead.

Now if she were anti-gun instead of being pro-gun then I would say kick her to the curb [:D]

View Quote

Although there is truth to this, an objection to drinking for all people will begin to affect one's social opportunities. If one associates with people who like to have a glass of wine at dinner, or who like to serve alcohol at parties, this woman may find the behavior repulsive. Difficult.

Posted: 7/21/2002 7:34:12 PM EDT

[#6]

Try this on for size...

Tell her that a man gives roses to his woman just to show her how much she is adored.

Conversely, OTHER THAN SEX, a man should be able to accept a gift from his woman to show him how much he is loved...

Do you see where I'm going with this?

Tell her that you really like beer, but will refraim from its consumption UNLESS she buys it for you.

It worked for me!

Posted: 7/21/2002 7:38:46 PM EDT

[#7]

Quoted:

Although there is truth to this, an objection to drinking for all people will begin to affect one's social opportunities. If one associates with people who like to have a glass of wine at dinner, or who like to serve alcohol at parties, this woman may find the behavior repulsive. Difficult.

View Quote

Good point, I wouldn't put up w/ a woman who gave my friends grief if they had a drink out to dinner or at my house-that's not rational and it's annoying.

Posted: 7/21/2002 7:43:40 PM EDT

[#8]

Does she drink at all? Ever?
Were you to continue to drink, what is acceptable to her?
Is that acceptable to you?

Sounds to me like she needs to cough up some definitive parameters for you to work with.
Or not.

I chose to stop imbibing and it was a good choice for ME.
Like I said recently, "Denial IS my program". [;D]

Posted: 7/21/2002 7:45:54 PM EDT

[#9]

Does she hate all drinking and all forms of alcohol or does she just hate drunks. I myself will drink a beer every now and then but I have almost no patience for drunks.

I would have to agree with the others, if she is so troubled by the sight of acohol and it impacts your being able to see your friends then you may want to reconsider getting involved.

Posted: 7/21/2002 7:49:02 PM EDT

[#10]

Yes Winston, I did precisely that (no booze) for eight years. I used to drink a lot, but never an alcoholic. I acted like "a complete asshole" one night, and stopped (cold-turkey) the next day – for eight years.

But that was 18 years ago. I am now remarried and drink more than socially – about four doubles/day (rum). But, nolonger act like "a complete asshole"

Unless you have a reason for total abstinence (other than someone else's instintence) you will resent it. It's not the lack of booze, it's the restriction on normal social interaction with your friends.

You do not hint at this woman's rationale, but it must be significant for her to remain so adamant – and you are unlikely to change it.

In other words, you already know the answer: Either you change or she does!

It sounds sad for everyone concerned.

Posted: 7/21/2002 7:49:09 PM EDT

[#11]

Quoted:
Does she hate all drinking and all forms of alcohol or does she just hate drunks. I myself will drink a beer every now and then but I have almost no patience for drunks.

I would have to agree with the others, if she is so troubled by the sight of acohol and it impacts your being able to see your friends then you may want to reconsider getting involved.

View Quote

I guess that I tend to agree. If the sight of champagne at a celebration is troubling, then you'll have to consider your own feelings, and how often situations that involve alcohol arise.

Posted: 7/21/2002 7:49:26 PM EDT

[#12]

Take a hard objective look at those buddies you drink with.

They're probably a great bunch of guys but sometimes drinking and hanging with the boys can be seen as immature by girlfriends and wives and will only bring trouble in relationships.

Posted: 7/21/2002 8:32:10 PM EDT

[#13]

Pretty easy call. Good woman or beer? Kind of a no-brainer to me. You're not giving up that much, and you'll be a better man for it.

Posted: 7/21/2002 8:47:48 PM EDT

[#14]

Quoted:
Pretty easy call. Good woman or beer? Kind of a no-brainer to me. You're not giving up that much, and you'll be a better man for it.

View Quote

... I pretty much came to the same conclusion too. After 20 years of casual drinking and at times to excess it's probably time to "grow out" of the act. She is not such a prude to even ask me to quit, I just know it bothers her. True, she had a brother that got in serious trouble drinking and I know she believes that a lot of bad things can be traced to alcohol.
Doesn't want any part of it.
Hell, can't hurt giving up a vice.

... Thanks to all for your vision and wisdom!

Posted: 7/21/2002 8:51:48 PM EDT

[#15]

I find that if I'm in a relationship and it's going well I usually don't care that much about drinking. But a good sign of a bad relationship is the involvement of a lot more drinking.

But you should explore carefully her objections, you may find out a lot more. Good or bad.

Posted: 7/21/2002 9:17:29 PM EDT

[#16]

I don't believe it.

Not one smart-assed reply on this thread.

The advice given by everyon sounds reasonable to me. Nothing wrong with being a tea-totaler as long as your not forcing others to think like you do. Same situation with the smoking/no smoking warriors. Just don't go overboard.

I'd ask her how much your drinking bothers her. Make sure you have the entire side of her story.

I don't drink myself, but I don't mind folks drinking at all - just no sloppy drunks, please.

Posted: 7/21/2002 9:17:39 PM EDT

[#17]

Five years ago I quit smoking. I quit drinking about a year ago. Don't miss either one that much. My coffee and ice cream consumption has gone up, though. [:)]

Drinking doesn't mix well with this hobby of ours, and generally doesn't mix well with relationships. I'd much rather spend my time on the range with a thermos of coffee than in a bar or in front of the TV with a beer.

As some ceomedian once noted, what's the attraction of something that makes you feel tired and causes you to have to take a piss every 10 minutes? [;)]

Posted: 7/21/2002 10:26:55 PM EDT

[#18]

If she's into guns & is a hottie I'd never drink again. Or at least around her. >evil grin<

Posted: 7/21/2002 11:22:36 PM EDT

[#19]

In my relatively short life I have learned at least this: never change yourself for a woman.

That said, I have also learned that alcohol makes people look like idiots. I have given it up completely--not even a sip--because I don't want to be associated with the (generally) low-life people I see doing it.

My opinion? Don't give up the alcohol for her, give it up for yourself.... And if she's a nice gal then pursue that relationship with her.

Posted: 7/22/2002 3:10:33 AM EDT

[#20]

Quoted:
I don't believe it. Not one smart-assed reply on this thread.

View Quote

Hey, Winston, how about we trade -- you get my ex, and I'll take your teetotaler??

(With a straight line like that, who could refuse?[;D])

Posted: 7/22/2002 3:42:29 AM EDT

[#21]

[beer]

Posted: 7/22/2002 3:57:35 AM EDT

[#22]

No one likes being around drunks and most do not accept the bar fly culture as being a desirable way to live one's life. However, many, myself included, enjoy a glass of wine along with that prime rib or a couple of cold beers at the end of that hot summer day, sitting in the back yard watching the sunset. These are things I would never give up, and the fact someone would ask me to is a red flag in my book. But to each his own.

Posted: 7/22/2002 4:13:27 AM EDT

[#23]

WW - Whatever decision you make, make it because YOU want to make it for YOURSELF. If you feel like you're ready to hang it up for good 'cause you don't want to drink any more (ever?) then hang it up & you'll be a better man for it.

If you're doing it to appease a woman - no matter how hot/sweet/sexy/kind/whatever - you're doing it for the wrong reason and it won't work out. Be true to yourself - be who you really are - and if it works out with this woman you've got it made.

If it doesn't - keep looking!

[/end "brutal honesty" mode]

Posted: 7/22/2002 4:16:23 AM EDT

[#24]

Alcohol i s just another IQ test, namely and to wit: who here will ingest rat posion? Ok, they get weeded out, who here will ingest arsenic? Ok, they too are gone. WHop here will ingest alcohol? OK, as with the rest, they are weeded out, it is a natural selection type of thing.

Neurons hate alcohol.

Posted: 7/22/2002 9:25:06 AM EDT

[#25]

[img]http://www.hairytongue.com/images/gallery/171.jpg[/img]

HUH...?

Posted: 7/22/2002 9:44:52 AM EDT

[#26]

Alcohol will not do the neat things for you that a woman will. If she doesn't turn out, she will drive you to drinking. If she does turn out to be a good one, you will certainly never look back. Screw the alcohol.

Edit after thinking about it: You do make her sound a bit fanatical about it. If that is the case, then there would be potential for huge problems if she just cannot overlook things. Men have lots of things that a good wife must overlook if there is to be any harmony. Sad but true.

Posted: 7/22/2002 10:00:13 AM EDT

[#27]

Quoted:
...many, myself included, enjoy a glass of wine along with that prime rib or a couple of cold beers at the end of that hot summer day, sitting in the back yard watching the sunset. These are things I would never give up...

View Quote

Perhaps a middle ground can be found that will allow you to have some drinks, and her to feel ok about it. Your impulse to give it up completely to please her is admirable, but it may be unnecessary. Maybe you can find out what aspects of it make her feel uncomfortable, and discuss how you can stay away from those aspects, maybe you can have your keg and drink it too...

Posted: 7/22/2002 10:54:54 AM EDT

[#28]

You can always go the Oswald/Lewis route (Drew Carey Show). When the women say are you going to choose between women who love you for who you are...or beer?

Lift up your glass and say, "Heres to what could've been..."

[devil][beer][devil]

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Serious question about drinking and relationships

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