Guide for Men

1. Go to Pep Boys auto parts and write and lay out $50 cash for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.

2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to Pep Boys to recycle, dump in the drain in the garage ... if none, in the kitchen sink.

3. Open a beer and drink it.

4. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack. Find jack under kid's pedal car. Jack up car.

5. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

6. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

7. Give up and use crescent wrench.

8. Unscrew drain plug. Yell "Oh Fuck" when the crescent wrench slips and you lacerate your finger.

9. Place drain pan under engine.

10. Drop drain-plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process. Yell out "Fucking bastard".

11. Have another beer while oil is draining.

12. Look for oil filter wrench.

13. Call wife to see if she wants to give you a blow job. Yell " Aw Fuck" when you get the answer.

14. Have another beer, Clean up.

15. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist it off.

16. Beer.

17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.

18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.

19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.

20. Beer. Oops, drank it all yesterday.

21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.

22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.

23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

24. Remember drain plug from step 11. Scream out "Fucking Shit"...repeat step 19

25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.

27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame. Cry. "Yell Oh Fuck" when you realize your wife is watching. Repeat Step 13 & 14.

28. Bang head on floorboard in reaction.

29. Begin swearing uncontrollably....Way more than before.

30. Throw wrench.

31. Yell out "God Damned Fucking Shit cock sucking bastard mother fucker" over and over again for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992) in the left tit.

32. Clean up. Then apply Band-Aid to knuckle.

33. Beer.

34. Beer.

35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.

36. Beer.

37. Lower car from jack.

38. Accidentally crush one toe in process. Cry.

39. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.

40. Test drive car

41. Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the influence.

42. Car gets impounded.

43. Make bail; get car from impound yard. Money Spent

$50 parts

$35 beer

$1000 Bail

$200 Impound and towing fee

$125 Wife's new dress (For bailing you out)

Total: $1410

You too huh , LOL .

Amateurs![:D]

Humorous but seriously changing your oil is easy.  No frustration needed

Keving67

5 quarts [b][size=3]WITH[/size=3][/b] filter? What do you drive- a [i][violet][size=4]Saturn??[/violet][/size=4][/i]
My [b][size=6]RAM[/b][/size=6]takes [b][size=6]2 1/2 GALLONS![/b][/size=6]

[-=(_)=-]

"You know you're a redneck, when..."

Hey, we can't help it if you need more lubrication than the rest of us.  [;)]

Keep trying buddy.  It seems like an obtainable goal.   [:D]

Keving67

I drive an '02 Nissan Sentra, 2.0L

The oil filter is plainly visible.  By plainly, I mean you need a snake light, an intricate set of mirrors and lenses, and a jack that raises your car 15 ft.  Even if my hand were transparent and could dematerialize through objects, I would still have dire difficulty getting the oil filter wrench to find its way through the multiple parts of the 2000cc engine that's stuck in about a 1980cc space.

So I say "screw it", and cough up the extra $5 to have some other Joe 6-pack do it while I'm on my way to buy groceries.

When I was living in SoCal, there was a chain of Goodyear stores that offered lifetime oil changes for your car for $89. When I bought my Camaro, I decide to do this. Paid for it self after a year. I had my car for 3yrs before I left CA. I was looking for the same deal here in TX, but no such luck.

My '96 Maxima is a bitch to change the oil in as well...

Let me put it this way - you start by taking off the front right tire, then the tire well panels.......

Jonathan

Funny!

Along the lines of "Manly Man's Guide", just came across this for single males, although have only owned American (+1 Brit) cars:

[url]http://www.supraforums.com/showthread.php?threadid=54166&perpage=25&pagenumber=1[/url]

ALOT of newer cars have the oil filter between the rear side of engine and the firewall.
The half-shafts and stearing rack are the main obsticles.

It's really funny, it's almost like a business deal between car manu. and oil changing stations.

Sorta like the obvious deals that take place between the car corps and the oil Corps.

A first rate american corperation butt fuck to the public.

How about this way to change oil.......

Choose day when wife/girlfriend is away.

Get in car, go down to local parts store.  Dig around the trash to find some empty quart containers....

Check oil level, wipe dip stick on shirt sleeve.  If engine is 'oily', wipe hands off on shirt or pants.

Go to local quick change place, pay to get oil changed, ask for oil filter (after they let it sit & drain).

Go back to house, park car.  Take empty oil containers and lay in drive way next to 'old filter you asked to keep'.

Go into garage (or laundry room) and run in place for 10 minutes to get 'worked up'.

Go inside, wash hands.  Get 'beverage' and enjoy the day.  When wife/girlfriend returns, tell her of your horrible day changing oil.... make sure you show her the oily shirt.  (And if she asked about the used oil, tell her you brought it to the recycling center).


(Inspired by that advertisment for Rice Krispies Treats....)

[url]http://www.fumotovalve.com/[/url]

...........your welcome[:D]

ARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!

Ye bunch of good fer nothin' poop-deck swabbies. Real men drink the oil straight from the drain plug!

Poor little poop-deckers, cryin' 'bout where ya gonna dump yer bloody oil, eh? Wussiez! All of yaz!!!

ARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!

[url]http://www.fram.com/[/url]


hit the "sure drain" icon left side below the menu bars

Actually, a real man would be servicing his woman while she serviced the car!

Eric The(Yes,Dear?)Hun[>]:)]

What is this "oil" you keep talking about???[;)]

Yeah, but that's only for cars... Trucks and SUVs do not have oil... :)

PS: I cannot easily change the oil in my Jeep-- my arm gets stuck in the skid plate opening.

You guys might find this funny as well: How to fix your car is 3 easy steps.

[url=www.crappybobandnicbig.com/misc/fixthatcar.htm]Fix My Car!![/url]

[img]http://www.wfbq.com/Phunnies/2002_01_jiffy_lube.jpg[/img]

Thats Cheatin!!!![:D]

I have a theory on this. I've noticed that oil change deals are cheap and plentiful in big cities full of yuppies who never fix their own vehicles. In rural areas, lube joints charge almost 2x as much as a sort of class-system punishment for those white collar workers who are too lazy to change their own oil.

heh heh heh...hey Beavis, he just said "jack" huh huh...

Saw that Fram valve at Walmart.  I don't think it's for me.... as I have a habit of driving the car into the 'back field'.

I get my oil in 30 gallon drums.... granted, I run 15W-40 in just about everything....

Nice having a 30+ gallon used oil barrel....

Changing oil on the cars is a real dog.  If it's not a crossmember, it's the exhaust pipe or some other damn thing.  Pickups, well, not as bad (since I have 'older' ones).  New ones, you might have to worry about the front crossmember and/or diff in the way.

Here, I see oil changes from 15-25.00  But I can do it for less the 15 bucks...

hu! fram........wana,bes

My car is only about 6" off the ground...That drain thing would get smashed within the first 5 miles of installation.

No it wouldnt...

It does not protrude any more than your normal one.

The tube is only used when you are changing your oil.

It is the atachment of the tube end that opens the valve to let the oil drain.

I ran my riding mower into a tree root so hard a couple weeks ago that it bent the front of the deck right into the blades.  Bent them all to hell.  In a "moment of frustration", I grabbed the steering wheel, and flipped the sunovabich onto it's side to look.  All the oil promptly drained onto my driveway,  Doh!

This thread made me have a vision of draining a car the same way.

I thought real men never change their oil?

Just keep adding oil to top it off over the years.