How to defeat airport security, a multiply tried and workable approach.
1. Prior to going to the airport procure a large single clove of garlic and place into a ziploc bag.
2. Get some very breathy mints, and put them in your pocket. I find listerine oral care strips to work best.
3. Place all metal items, keys, pocket knives etc in carry on if you forgot to put them into your checked baggage.
4. While in line for the metal detector place the clove of garlic in your mouth but do NOT chew.
5. Place your bag on the Xray conveyor belt and step towards the metal detector. As you step towards the metal detector begin to chew the garlic but do not swallow. Enjoy the rich bold flavor.
6. Face the unable to earn a GED cretin operating the metal detector, smile big, and gush with breathy words, "Oh I am so glad you folks are here! I feel so much safer when you guys are on the case! Thank you for keeping us safe!" or something to that effect. Make sure you allow them to also savor the bold rih taset of the garlic.
7. You will be waved through rapidly.
8. They may ask you to open your bag. Be gracious. Again, this time with a low tone so you have to lean into them to be heard,thank them profusely for the excellent job these obvious muslim fanatic plants are doing to ensure your safety.
9. Suddenly your bag won't seem so interesting.
10. Go to the bathroom. Spit that crap out. Brush your teeth and have a mint or two. Remember, your fellow passengers deserve courtesy, they haven't done anything wrong and probably won't.
11.Put your knife in your pocket, just in case someone on the plane suffers an episode of "lets hijack this plane-itis".
12. Go fly in safety, secure in the knowledge that, just like any terrorists on board, you are armed.