HUH?
Sure, I'm talkin' 'bout me![BD]
I went to the Dr. about the old ingrown toenail.
Geez.
Two hours later I'm back in the office to see the new Podiatrist, who promptly injects my big toe 3 TIMES with a NEEDLE that's 3 INCHES LONG![>Q]
Oh, yeah?  Is that all ya got, Doc?[:X*]
Then he proceeds to dig in and remove a sizeable chunk of the toenail...TWICE; followed by removal of callous material inside.[B)]
Keep it comin', Doc, I says.
After this he puts ACID[X] on a stick and burns the root of the nail. Not once; not twice; but 4 TIMES!
Pronouncing me healed, he turns me loose.
FUN CITY.

Tomorrow is the 'Root Canal' consultation.
OH, BOY.[xx(]

This makes my car overheating this morning and the upcoming cooling system repairs seem tame.
Whatta day.[>:/]

Sissy-boy [;)].  In the last year, I've been to the eye doctor FOUR TIMES to have needles injcted into my eyelids and surrounding tissue to remove cysts and other tumors.  Hurt like a sum-bitch and looked like I got my ass kicked real good. [;)]

BM, I say,
If you'd just crapped your pants during the callous material removal (a full pants load and not a weak brown capping) He would of stopped. trust me....works all the time.
[:I]

I hate to ask.... a ream and scream?

  Vulcan94

OK, Paul, I'm asking.  I'm very afraid, too...I might cry when I hear it!
What in the world is the 'ream and scream'?

Real men perform home surgery and dig their own ingrown toenails out.

I'm a pro.

I think I could dig out my own appendix.
(Actually had a chick in a bar one night believing I removed my own appendix with some Chloroseptic (the local), rubbing alcohol, an exacto-knife, and some butterfly bandages....)

Sure your tough...but can ya shoot a pistol sideways "gangsta style"????? [rolleyes]

In the past two years I've had that same procedure done 6 times (It didn't work a few times) on both my big toes. It's nice to know it will never happen again though.

I have often wondered if you look like Ralph Cramden.....

Have I got good news...   Ingrown toenails can be prevented and reversed by simply using a good emory board (your wife or mom has one) to file the nail across the top until the center area becomes thin..  This will ease any pain almost instantly and the nail will retract from your toe in a day or two..  A Dr. friend showed me this trick years ago and I haven't had a problem since...   Do it a little at a time until you find the amount that works for you and any time you trim them, give them a little filing and it won't come back...   Honest...[:D]

LOL

When I was younger, I hacked one out with a steak knife in the bathtub at 3 am. It had gotten really infected and was throbbing. It woke me up and I could hardly walk. After suffering with it for a couple weeks I knew what I had to do. I filled the bathtub with about 1 inch of water. I made the first incision and a glob of green pus rocketed out. There was at least 6 ccs of pus in there. When I was done a half hour later, the water was blood red cloudy. The worst part was one jagged edge was sitting right on an inflamed nerve and every time I touched it, the damn thing would pulsate through my whole calf. After a while, the pain wears away though.

I probably should have gone to the doctor.

Yes, but I'm workin' on it...[;D]
Cramden with a gun:
[img]www.ar15.com/members/albums/BusMaster007%2FBusMaster007%2520AR15%2520L1A1%2D1%2Ejpg[/img]
bigyeti, thanks for the info.  I'll work on that, too!

HEY! REAM AND SCREAM?
You guys wouldn't be referring to a procedure I called the "STEEL Q-TIP", you know, at the 'clinic', now would you?  Oh, yeah.  If that's it, I KNOW! [shock]
(P.S., I think it came from the girl we called 'SCABMOAN'.)

I remember the old ream and scream from Korea.  Used to hurt so bad my toes would actually curl in my tightly laced combat boots.

The worst (stupidist) self surgery I ever performed on myself was when I was 17 and used a single edge razor blade to remove two huge plantars warts on each of my feet.  Needless to say I had good intentions about only removing a "little bit" here and there.  About 45 minutes later, I looked at how much I had removed and did the old "oh shit" routine.  I was walking funny for 2 weeks after that incident.  

Sorry paul.... I thought they used a glass rod with little razor blades that popped out....

When I was about 16, I had a molar come in that just would not push all the way up through the gumline.  For two weeks only one point of the crown was poking through and the rest of the gum was trying to stretch around the little hole.  It was sore to the point that the entire side of my face hurt.  Well finally after laying in bed one night not sleeping from the pain, I decided to take care of it.  I swished and gargled with some peroxide and held a new X-acto knife blade over a lighter for a few seconds.  When it cooled I cut out a nice square chunk of my gum directly over the incoming tooth, big enough for all the points to stick through.  It actually didn't bleed much since it had been under pressure for so long, and it felt better almost immediately.  

I can't count the nuber of ingrown toenails I've cut out.

HEY! Didn't she work at the Club Oro in Olongopo (shit city) in '66??

Busmaster,

What a Wussy--we ask the real men if they want it without local--your podiatrist must have know you were a girly-man when he gave you the shot.  

Look me up in a couple of years, and I'll take care of your ingrown's in exchange for a couple of pre-bans!!  (Actually, with the P & A you had, you shouldn't have the problem again).

(Oh, yeah, I can do the same thing with 2 injections).  

WOW! and all this happened in Kentucky?

Bah,

Wussie.

I've had four permanently removed, including both big toe nails. The infection was so bad the doc was talkin partial amputation.

-legrue

(seriously, I was lucky and I don't miss the damn things one bit. I shoulda went sooner, but Im a wussie when it comes to docs...)

No ingrowns, and never had to do the ream and scream (but I've SEEN it done, and that hurt enough!)

WHen I was about 12, I stepped on a by-damn upholstery needle and the KJEWRW)_(#@*$)(@* broke off in my foot - about 1/4" under the skin.  It went in about midway down the length of the foot, thru the instep.

Once I uncrossed my eyes, I got my X-acto, superglue, needlenose, and called for an assist from Captain Morgan.  Poured some Cap on my foot, some on the knife, some on the pliers, and disinfected the wound from the inside as well.  

Carefully went in to find the end of the needle, about 3/8" incision.  Got the needle and took a full minute to work that ba$tard out of my foot.

Pour again, patch with superglue (seriously, I love that stuff for first aid!)  Wash off the blood, swear at the damn needle, and cover the results of my "surgery."

For those of you not in the know, this was a LARGE upholstery needle.  Upholstery needles start at about 4" long, and are curved in a half-circle.  They are REAL thick and REAL strong.  This one would probably have been about 6.5" straightened out...

Damn, that hurt.  I still have about 3/4" of pencil in my left forearm that I didn't bother to remove 20 years ago - I can still feel it sometimes.  Guess I should have taken the damn thing out then, but I was "busy" at the time - I had to return the damn pencil to its rightful owner.  Forcefully.

FFZ

It happened long ago and I didn't have the camera handy at 3am.

Here's a nice pic of me losing my fingernail last December after slamming it in the car door in a drunken stupor.

[img]http://www.eatonlink.com/main/uploaded/FreakOnALeash/nastynail.jpg[/img]

Paul, I have a funny story about the ream and scream.  When I was a resident I was working in the ER.  This huge 6'5" 270 lb black guys comes in. Built like a tank.  He says it feels like razor blades when he pees.  So I tell him I have to get a culture tp see what organism is causing the infection.  I open the culture pack up and grab the Q-tip that I always use with women.  As I am stuffing it up his urethra, He grabs the sides of the room walls and a let out some screams that would have raised the dead. He was also crying like a little baby.  I am just thinking, this guy is going to squash me at any time.  I step out of the room and every doc and staff member is outside the door cracking up.  The senior doc says, which Q-tip did you use? Well I guess there is a little Q-tip and a regular Q-tip.  I always wondered what the little one was for! .Well I gave the guy some antibiotics and he thanks me like I saved his life!  No I didnt tell him.

HAHAHAHAH!!!  ROFLMAO!

This one I understand only too well.  While I can truthfull say I successfully dodged that "bullet", I can remember the pained looks and the agonized groans from the poor slob in the urinal next door.  At that point you check out his grip on the pipe...you notice his fingers are white as he tries to crush the copper:  Yup...it's the one and only...the Big "G"!  (And she was such a sweet thang too!)

Does anyone ever forget Subic.!

[;D]

You don't want to know!!!
[shock][shock][shock][shock]

That has to be the worst.  I've known guys coming out of Korea that weren't allowed to leave country until they COMPLETELY recovered, as the Army didn't want that particular strain to make it home.  Heard one tale about steel-reinforced handholds above the urinals. [;)]

Lets see you girly boys beat this!
I got too close to a ninja when he flipped out, and he CUT MY HEAD OFF!
I have been walking around with it under my arm for two weeks!

uuuugh...

UPDATE:

I'm glad I wussed out yesterday!
My toe does NOT hurt today.
Amazing.
I'll have to soak it and take the antibiotics for a week or so, but, the nasty pain is gone.
Whew.
Yay.
Now, we're off to the endodontist to have the old root canal 'consultation'...[rolleyes]

Ream and Scream must be a naval term used by seamen......


In the ROK we called it [i]rodded[/i]...and it barely hurts when you do it [b]YOURSELF[/b]...

Here I thought I was a tough guy having all four (plus an extra one...five total) wisdom teeth pulled at once. With no NITROS. Just a couple of shots in the jaw, yank, yank, yank, yank, yank, spit, rinse, gauze and out the door I went. I even drove myself home.

Next thing I want to do to prove my toughness is to jog home after having a vasectomy.

When I was eight, I was playing with my dad's dremel (unsupervised, of course) when I sawed through the nails on my middle and ring finger on my left hand.

Not wanting to cause a scene, and afraid of getting in trouble, I wrapped 'em both up in electrical tape and tried to forget about it.

I once had a door closed across my big toe..door had one of those interlocking weather strips. It was being slammed by a guy as big as me. It grabbed my toenail and took it off all the way to the skin.......

Hurt a bit...yes...but not nearly as much as when my ex wife (and here's another reason she's my ex) put guaze right on top of the open wound.

Ok, so I got a dry socket when I had a wisdom tooth removed. Jawbone was infected......brown pus ran out of my ear on that side.....doctor said..."wish I could give you morphine, but I guess these Darvocet will have to do".....
I don't wish it on anyone.......

Whiteboy? Hell, I went to a predominantly black high school. When they called my name at graduation I just sat there...till somebody said "They ain't gonna call you whiteboy, you f***kin cracker. Get up there!"

'66, '68, '69, '75, & '85.

My yes, weren't they.  A few of us old retired guys at the office found a web site that shows a bunch of pictures of some of the old hangouts...shit river and the kids in it...the bridge...Grande Island...the base facilities...the port...with several different ships and USMC units posted too.  (Oh...I forgot the peso show...NO it isn't in there...just kidding!!!)

My boss likes to tell the story of how he ended up in the jailhouse...for butterflying.  He was just a freshly caught LTjg and this was his first deployment.  While waiting in Subic to catch his ship that was due to arrive in a week, he caught a bit of Olongapo liberty.  He had NOT had the standard pre-arrival brief that incoming ships get and thus was not aware of that butterflying was a crime in Olongapo.  Cost him $1,800 to stay out of the hoosgow.  Then the CO tossed him in hack for a couple of days just for being a dumbshit...and that was a worse punishment.

Those folks who never had the unique pleasure of taking a leisurely liberty in wonderful, downtown Olongapo just don't know what they missed.  [;D]

Too bad it's all gone.  [>Q]

"My boss likes to tell the story of how he ended up in the jailhouse...for butterflying"

Pardon my ignorance, but WTF is butterflying?

Hehehehe...
Kids!
"You nummba 10 butterfly..."
I guess you had to be there.






PS---2 timing on a professional lady...

Ok...how to explain this?

Butterflying, a local term used by the folks in Subic, was dallying with more than one girl at once...a crime in the town of Olongapo, where the girls depended on prostitution for their livelyhood.  If you were judged guilty of this offense, you had to pay a fine to each of the girls and to the court for its "expenses".  My boss was doing three girls...so he had to pay three girls...plus expenses.  $1,800 total.

The way it worked is this:  If you found a girl you liked in one of the multitude of bars in the town, you could, for a nominal fee ($30/month?), "buy" her out of the bar.  From that point on, she was yours while you were inport.  You sort of set up housekeeping.  When the overnight liberty rules were relaxed in the early '70s, E-6 and below sailors and Marines could stay ashore past midnight...but they had to be off the streets by the witching hour. (Before this policy went into effect, only officers and chiefs could remain ashore after midnight...a good deal for them!)

Soooo...by 2400, most guys were shacked up...not wanting to return to the ship or barracks.  Good for the local economy too.  At about 2330, the shore patrol teams (Been there done that too.) would begin their sweeps from the outer blocks down towards the base, sending sailors to bed or to their command.  For health reasons, it was a good deal to get a semi-permanent girlfriend because she got regular checkups by the local doc, paid for by the bar, and you could be pretty sure she was clean.

The foolish troops waited until the last minute to make their choices for the evening...and by that time, the bars were clearing out fast...and the kids ended up with a real street hooker...often a poor choice.  They were the ones who usually had to see the ship's corpsman in a day or two.

Those girls had a good intel system too.  When you played butterfly...they usually knew right away.  So, butterflying was foolish and expensive.  Once you learned the ropes...you just didn't do it.

Does this help?

AHHHHhhhh,...I see said the blind man.

Anybody ever had an arthrogram(sp?).  A couple of years ago, after fraying a rotator cuff, I had this procedure.  Basically, the they use a foot long, half inch diameter needle(I swear on my preban) to inject dye into the joint.  Then they pump in air until it pops out of the socket, and then view it all under a fluoroscope.  My family physician asked me about it afterwards; he said he had heard it was a terribly painful procedure and wanted to know how bad it was.  I told him it had lived up to everything that he had heard.  I then thanked him for the lack of warning and hit him up for some pain medicine.

Without doubt, this has got to be one of the funnyiest threads I've read in a long time.....feel bad for your problems, but you guys have really got a sense of humor about it.  I was dang near rolling on the floor!!  Thanks, I needed that.

vmax84

HOLY SHIT THAT HURTS! [:O]

Yes...I did have one in my shoulder, also for a torn rotator cuff.  I was going to post it here...but I didn't think anybody else would know what I was whining about.

Crap...you brought back some evil memories.  It was just about 18 months ago too.  I didn't want to see the needle...but I did...BIG mistake. It was about four inches long and big enough to easily inject the dye. [shock]  I had just had surgery on my shoulder two months prior...so it was still painful anyway.

For the uninitiated...the doc goes in from the front...not through the deltoid muscle.  The doc kept telling me he was injecting pain killer as he pushed the damn needle ever deeper...but it STILL hurt like hell as he searched for the center of my shoulder under the rotator cuff to inject the dye.  At one point...just before he stopped pushing, I told him through gritted teeth that he better find his sweet-spot soon...or we were going to stop the "procedure" on the spot.  I had had just about enough of that.  Fortunately for both of us he did and we finished up fairly quickly from that point on.